Strode into my polling place this morning. Presented my ID even though it was clear to everyone there what a fucking red-blooded patriot I obviously am.

Marched over to get my ballot with my gigantic dick out because freedom.

Some cuck ahead of me in line was like, “Oh. Em. Gee. What even are you?”

“I’m a hanging Chad, for reals,” I told him and then winked at his wife and her bull.

Instantly, they were clothed from head to toe in MAGA gear. The bull yelled “Free at last! BLEXIT!” which made the cuck’s wife’s son cry.

I took my ballot and noticed the pen they gave me said MADE IN CHINA. “This will not stand!” I cried and deposited the pen right into the cuck’s fucking eyeball which made his wife’s son laugh.

“How will you mark your ballot now?” the poll worker asked.

“Watch me, toots,” I held aloft my ballot. “By the power of Orange Skull!” I shouted and a red, white, and blue lightning bolt blasted through the ceiling and completely filled in the bubble next to the name of our God Emperor. Next to his opponent’s name the word PEDO was burned.

With a flick of my wrist, I sent my ballot straight across the room into the scanning machine. Fireworks shot out and it played the first stanza of America the Beautiful.

“It’s not supposed to do that,” the poll worker said. “It does now, toots,” I said.

All of the people waiting to vote started loudly singing “What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.” I would like to believe they were singing about me but we all know it was a hymn to GEOTUS.

As I made the door, another poll worker said, “We’ve had SO MANY people today voting for Trump but none of this happened! What makes you so different and awesome?”

I leaned down and whispered, “Because, toots, every day I go to thedonald.win.”