"What is really going on?"

"Trump has won, stop worrying, smash your TV. CCP lost."

People keep calling me because they are watching TV and get all scared that Trump has already lost.

FOLKS, IT'S CALLED FAKE NEWS FOR A REASON.

But seriously, I'm glad they're calling me and I'm glad I'm able to help people sleep at night. THIS IS HOW WE WIN -- Facebook and Twitter are not real, it's all fake. Phone calls are real. Visits are real.

Pick up your damn phone and call your mother. Mine's dead.