I voted trump in 2016, 2020, and God willing 2024.
I'm becoming an increasingly based pede
My friend group I've had for the last 5-10 years (depending on the person) developed extremely strong TDS since 2016, and recently fully came out as Anarcho Communists, support political violence, and are members of Antifa.
Most of them are also LGBT, but had been treating me increasingly worse over the last few years. I was finally exiled and all contact from my friends cut when the final straw was me asking them to not call people 'incels' and 'chuds'.
I'm not really into politics and still don't know much about it (but I'm learning), but that was enough for them to call me things like Brownshirt, Nazi, and more.
The event really hurt me to my core, to lose everyone I've loved this last decade and spent all my time with, with no opportunity to make up with them.
Does anyone have any advice?
(Sorry for crappy formatting, first post and not sure how to space it better)
You have to learn to recognize bullies, and deal with them. I'll give it to you in another context, in hopes that you can see it, with some distance.
I moved from the Southwest to the eastern seaboard, where I met my future husband, who is Jewish. He has a jackass for a brother, and every year this jackass would correct my pronunciation for the word "Hanukah." He would change the spelling, too, and nothing would satisfy him until I would adopt the latest pronunciation and spelling. The first time, I accepted what he said, as being more authoritative.
By round 4 he had decided that now I should use a glottal sound, and change the spelling once again. I answered him quietly and calmly, but I looked him dead in the eye. "Now you want me to use the German pronunciation. I can say "Channukkah," the way you want me to, because I can speak German, but I am not going to do it. I am going to go all the way back to my original pronunciation and call it "Hanukah," because that is a perfectly normal, acceptable way to say it. I know that, now."
The weird thing about that family, like your LGBTQWTFBBQ+ family, is that when this jerk would start in on someone, not necessarily me, the whole bunch would just sit there and watch, instead of restraining his ugly behavior. It was very unpleasant, and probably has something to do with why my husband became my ex-husband.
You owe your family your best. A good family does not allow its members to abuse one another. They buffer one another and remind one another to be kind. The group that once passed for your family is less than civilized. You can find other people with other values, and they will be far more pleasant. You can probably find a new family that is both LGBTQWTFBBQ+ and also civilized. If not, you're welcome, here.
They said that 'incels' are a 'self-identifying community of white supremacists and hate group' and that I was 'defending and normalizing' them.
I didn't even know 'incel' was a 'self-identified' group. I still don't know what a 'chud' is, though the context used by them made it seem like both were derogatory and pointed at conservatives.
This was the final straw to them because they had been 'trying to teach me' for months now about things like how 'real communism has never been tried', 'the CIA always assassinated the good communist leaders and installed bad ones', and other stuff too.
They got really really really angry when I said that I think Kyle acted in self defense based on watching the videos. They said they watched the videos too and he was clearly (in their minds) a white supremacist with intent to go there and murder. :s
Basically this was the final straw to them because it was months, maybe even more of build up, until it was at the point where I literally could not tell my friends that I was emotionally hurting without them telling me i'm emotionally abusing and trying to emotionally control them.
I was literally on voice chat with one of them (my IRL) friend, asking them for advice on how to cope with feelings of self harm because they had dealt with it in the past, and the next day they listed that plea for help as an example of me trying to 'emotionally manipulate' them or something.
They were always flinging around buzzwords and things I didn't understand like "dog whistle" and "Crypto-[thing here]" and stuff like that. Or talking about how "well america reaaaaaally isn't left at all, even the left in america is super conservative" and stuff like this. X_X Stuff that I have no experience with and is way out of my league.
I'd try healing by feeling thankful that I didn't end up going down that path myself. Reflecting on that. Then I'd probably do some Bible reading about friendship. Strengthen my understanding of what it means to be a friend and keep my eyes and ears open to the people around me, the potential friends I may have not paid attention to in the past. Lastly I'd think back on my upbringing, think about the people who loved me, and look to them as role models. Good luck!
I’ve had the same experience multiple times. I had friend of 20 years. She introduced me to my husband. As an ordained minister, she married us. And our children call her Auntie. But when Trump was elected, it all changed. Long story short, it was sad, hard and hurtful. Now that I have distance, I am much happier with the newer, likeminded friends I have.
So have a drink, have a brief sad, then pull yourself up by the bootstraps and talk to us. You have plenty of frens here.
You move on. Plenty of frens here.
Background:
I'm LGBTQWTFBBQ+
I'm Trans, but still conservative.
I voted trump in 2016, 2020, and God willing 2024.
I'm becoming an increasingly based pede
My friend group I've had for the last 5-10 years (depending on the person) developed extremely strong TDS since 2016, and recently fully came out as Anarcho Communists, support political violence, and are members of Antifa.
Most of them are also LGBT, but had been treating me increasingly worse over the last few years. I was finally exiled and all contact from my friends cut when the final straw was me asking them to not call people 'incels' and 'chuds'.
I'm not really into politics and still don't know much about it (but I'm learning), but that was enough for them to call me things like Brownshirt, Nazi, and more.
The event really hurt me to my core, to lose everyone I've loved this last decade and spent all my time with, with no opportunity to make up with them.
Does anyone have any advice? (Sorry for crappy formatting, first post and not sure how to space it better)
You have to learn to recognize bullies, and deal with them. I'll give it to you in another context, in hopes that you can see it, with some distance.
I moved from the Southwest to the eastern seaboard, where I met my future husband, who is Jewish. He has a jackass for a brother, and every year this jackass would correct my pronunciation for the word "Hanukah." He would change the spelling, too, and nothing would satisfy him until I would adopt the latest pronunciation and spelling. The first time, I accepted what he said, as being more authoritative.
By round 4 he had decided that now I should use a glottal sound, and change the spelling once again. I answered him quietly and calmly, but I looked him dead in the eye. "Now you want me to use the German pronunciation. I can say "Channukkah," the way you want me to, because I can speak German, but I am not going to do it. I am going to go all the way back to my original pronunciation and call it "Hanukah," because that is a perfectly normal, acceptable way to say it. I know that, now."
The weird thing about that family, like your LGBTQWTFBBQ+ family, is that when this jerk would start in on someone, not necessarily me, the whole bunch would just sit there and watch, instead of restraining his ugly behavior. It was very unpleasant, and probably has something to do with why my husband became my ex-husband.
You owe your family your best. A good family does not allow its members to abuse one another. They buffer one another and remind one another to be kind. The group that once passed for your family is less than civilized. You can find other people with other values, and they will be far more pleasant. You can probably find a new family that is both LGBTQWTFBBQ+ and also civilized. If not, you're welcome, here.
They said that 'incels' are a 'self-identifying community of white supremacists and hate group' and that I was 'defending and normalizing' them.
I didn't even know 'incel' was a 'self-identified' group. I still don't know what a 'chud' is, though the context used by them made it seem like both were derogatory and pointed at conservatives.
This was the final straw to them because they had been 'trying to teach me' for months now about things like how 'real communism has never been tried', 'the CIA always assassinated the good communist leaders and installed bad ones', and other stuff too.
They got really really really angry when I said that I think Kyle acted in self defense based on watching the videos. They said they watched the videos too and he was clearly (in their minds) a white supremacist with intent to go there and murder. :s
Basically this was the final straw to them because it was months, maybe even more of build up, until it was at the point where I literally could not tell my friends that I was emotionally hurting without them telling me i'm emotionally abusing and trying to emotionally control them.
I was literally on voice chat with one of them (my IRL) friend, asking them for advice on how to cope with feelings of self harm because they had dealt with it in the past, and the next day they listed that plea for help as an example of me trying to 'emotionally manipulate' them or something.
They were always flinging around buzzwords and things I didn't understand like "dog whistle" and "Crypto-[thing here]" and stuff like that. Or talking about how "well america reaaaaaally isn't left at all, even the left in america is super conservative" and stuff like this. X_X Stuff that I have no experience with and is way out of my league.
We've all been there...
Sorry, Fren.
We are in the middle of the storm, fren. We are all experiencing this and you are not alone.
It will pass. Don't give up on your friends, they may yet come around.
By continuing to live a good, successful life while watching them all-destroying theirs?
Find some new frens... they’ll heal ya. You’ll never forget them, but you’ll move on
Ask yourself: were they friends or were they merely folks traveling the path at the same time?
Lots of people share a time and place few share a bond, less a bond of friendship.
Ask them how anarcho-communism works when a member of the community doesn't agree with the rules or structure of society.
In any case, you need to find new friends.
Be thankful that you know you couldn't rely on your former friends before you were involved in a situation that would need them.
I'd try healing by feeling thankful that I didn't end up going down that path myself. Reflecting on that. Then I'd probably do some Bible reading about friendship. Strengthen my understanding of what it means to be a friend and keep my eyes and ears open to the people around me, the potential friends I may have not paid attention to in the past. Lastly I'd think back on my upbringing, think about the people who loved me, and look to them as role models. Good luck!
Realize that ignorance is bliss, and the right path is never ignorance. You’ll find much better friends
I’ve had the same experience multiple times. I had friend of 20 years. She introduced me to my husband. As an ordained minister, she married us. And our children call her Auntie. But when Trump was elected, it all changed. Long story short, it was sad, hard and hurtful. Now that I have distance, I am much happier with the newer, likeminded friends I have.
So have a drink, have a brief sad, then pull yourself up by the bootstraps and talk to us. You have plenty of frens here.