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Comments (28)
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18
TAIWANNUMBERONE 18 points ago +18 / -0

This was very clearly a long con. Anyone else notice that Christmas decorations started coming earlier and earlier, some even before Halloween? The "war on Christmas" was a media distraction.

9
MAGA_Flocka_Flame 9 points ago +9 / -0

There were Christmas decorations out in August in Michael’s (the store, not Barry’s wife-husband)

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Internet_hugs [S] 6 points ago +6 / -0

Deck the balls with boughs of holly.

12
Hunter_loves_2_feet 12 points ago +12 / -0

I have news for these butt lickers. The only thing I’m canceling is a diet. Digestive system go brrrrrrr!

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knightofday 4 points ago +4 / -0

Yessir!

3
Hunter_loves_2_feet 3 points ago +3 / -0

MEAL COMPUTER: “System overload! System overload! (Major poop sounds) Reset complete. Enjoy your meal, kind sir. Be sure to check out the desert portion of our meal.” ME: “Desserts? Why are we out of all the gravies? I demand the 3 gravies! Chicken, beef and the available wild game! What’s available? Is it meat? Did it once draw breath? Bring me the octopus gravy if that’s all to be had. But let it be meat gravy! Mushrooms are great. But they are not gravy worthy. Unless I that’s all we have and also it might be better than octopus gravy. That was a bluff.

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Cliffinati 9 points ago +9 / -0

They want you alone afraid and consuming

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Internet_hugs [S] 10 points ago +10 / -0

Must consume product and then get excited for new product.

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Cliffinati 6 points ago +6 / -0

Yep dont think just consume

4
OneBreathe 4 points ago +4 / -0

Constantly consuming, conquer, and devour.

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OneBreathe 5 points ago +5 / -0

Constantly consuming!

2
PatrickDuffyLeg 2 points ago +2 / -0

Chew soap!

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OJ_Epstein 7 points ago +7 / -0

Christmas & Hanukkah have been cancelled as well.

Holiday shopping is still encouraged, so make sure you go out and support big business!

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Internet_hugs [S] 5 points ago +5 / -0

Gotta have them Walmart, Amazon, and Costco carts full!

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deleted 6 points ago +6 / -0
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StabBackAndStandBy 4 points ago +4 / -0

"Would have". As if this order will see even a 50% compliance rate.

I used to be a law abiding turkey eater. They can strip me of the law abiding part, but they will have to pry the turkey from my cold dead hands, and it will have been emptied of stuffing before that.

4
RC22 4 points ago +4 / -0

Wow, that is an amazing thought. Crazy.

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deleted 4 points ago +4 / -0
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deleted 4 points ago +4 / -0
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PatrickDuffyLeg 4 points ago +4 / -0

When WalMart removes the metal barriers, triples the number of fat carts, and starts trumpeting out their Black Friday Doorbusters... dead giveaway!

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deleted 4 points ago +4 / -0
3
PatrickDuffyLeg 3 points ago +3 / -0

The virus is sentient and avoids all major big box retail sites. The CDC proved it! As long as you wear a mask, socially distance, and purchase a minimum of $200 in Chinese manufactured goods, your odds of contracting it are incredibly low.

3
JesusisKing 3 points ago +3 / -0

Holy fuck red pill

2
virgule 2 points ago +2 / -0

Correct!

2
kalokagathia 2 points ago +2 / -0

This is 100% spot on

2
deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
2
TruthVelocity 2 points ago +3 / -1

Damn good post

2
Scroon 2 points ago +3 / -1

Lol. I got more out this post than most TED talks, so thank you back.