I'm so sorry man. That really is shitty. What a year to lose so many loved ones. I have had a bad year too but it doesn't compare to what you've gone through. All I can say is that it's up to you, and us to keep it together. They want to demoralize us, shit some days it feels like they have won. Those days where things are depressing AF and you have a hard time keeping the tears down and feeling hopeless and like life is meaningless. But if we quit then it's over for the people after us, our kids and the younger generation. Our parents and grandparents lived in america's best years. A country can't be amazing forever, there's gonna be bad times and unfortunately it landed right on us. It's ok to have time to mourn. But then we have to get back up and show them they can't destroy us. What's the name of that guy in the bible? I think it was Job or something. He had everything taken from him, his family and wealth and satan said he could get him to curse gods name. But he didn't, and satan was mad. That's what we have to do. Other people depend on us, stay strong brother and don't hesitate to reach out to your local church for support. I wasn't religious before this whole thing started, but now I am and I'm praying for you. Never give up.