Anyone else appreciate the spirit behind this post and upvote it even though it doesn't apply to them?
My father's a narcissistic piece of shit and I'm indifferent to his existence. I'll be sad when my mother goes, though.
Try to fix your relationship with your Dad if you can do so without compromising your values. My parents divorced when I was very young, so I grew up in a house w/ just me & Mom (Dad was very involved and lived nearby). We were each others world, despite her penchant for verbal and emotional abuse. I now know that was a product of lifelong anxiety - not that it excuses it. Anyhow, around 12 tensions between her and her husband reached a head. It appeared to me as if she had to choose between him or me. She sent me to live with my father. In retrospect, that was the best thing to ever happen to me but it was hard at the time. That, combined with the abuse led me to isolate myself from her for ~15 years, as a self defense mechanism. I'd visit on Christmas and maybe 1 or 2 other times a year, and it was always oddly tense. We loved each other, but our relationship was just so damaged no one knew how to fix it. After getting married my wife made it her mission to re-unite us. It's one of the few things that has ever caused serious tension in our relationship. She eventually became a bigger part of our life, until we caught her emotionally abusing one of our kids. It triggered the f*ck out of me, because it gave me flashbacks to childhood. Anyhow, 3 years later, I got the shocking call that the Dr's had discovered late stage lung cancer that had spread everywhere. Despite all of our problems, I was crushed. I spent the next several months staying in very close contact, but there was still some distance between us. We were able to have some very frank converstations, and while I could not compromise my integrity by forgiving her, I was able to express my understanding of how tough it must have been on her. Despite all of that, her loss is still crushing to me 4 years later. The emotional pain has become less frequent, but no less intense. Long story short, if possible, mend those fences while you still can. If I could have a re-do, knowing what I know now, I'd probably have done a lot of things differently. YMMV.
Just saw this. Thank you for taking the time to share this, I appreciate it. You make a good point. I know I'm lucky that I still have the opportunity to possibly change some things here. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Anyone else appreciate the spirit behind this post and upvote it even though it doesn't apply to them? My father's a narcissistic piece of shit and I'm indifferent to his existence. I'll be sad when my mother goes, though.
Try to fix your relationship with your Dad if you can do so without compromising your values. My parents divorced when I was very young, so I grew up in a house w/ just me & Mom (Dad was very involved and lived nearby). We were each others world, despite her penchant for verbal and emotional abuse. I now know that was a product of lifelong anxiety - not that it excuses it. Anyhow, around 12 tensions between her and her husband reached a head. It appeared to me as if she had to choose between him or me. She sent me to live with my father. In retrospect, that was the best thing to ever happen to me but it was hard at the time. That, combined with the abuse led me to isolate myself from her for ~15 years, as a self defense mechanism. I'd visit on Christmas and maybe 1 or 2 other times a year, and it was always oddly tense. We loved each other, but our relationship was just so damaged no one knew how to fix it. After getting married my wife made it her mission to re-unite us. It's one of the few things that has ever caused serious tension in our relationship. She eventually became a bigger part of our life, until we caught her emotionally abusing one of our kids. It triggered the f*ck out of me, because it gave me flashbacks to childhood. Anyhow, 3 years later, I got the shocking call that the Dr's had discovered late stage lung cancer that had spread everywhere. Despite all of our problems, I was crushed. I spent the next several months staying in very close contact, but there was still some distance between us. We were able to have some very frank converstations, and while I could not compromise my integrity by forgiving her, I was able to express my understanding of how tough it must have been on her. Despite all of that, her loss is still crushing to me 4 years later. The emotional pain has become less frequent, but no less intense. Long story short, if possible, mend those fences while you still can. If I could have a re-do, knowing what I know now, I'd probably have done a lot of things differently. YMMV.
Just saw this. Thank you for taking the time to share this, I appreciate it. You make a good point. I know I'm lucky that I still have the opportunity to possibly change some things here. Thanks for reminding me of that.