No effing way that old fart would use those words.

Before Joe’s assistant edited his tweet:

I was sauntering along with Major, did I tell you that I adopted a rescue dog? Well, Major is a real dandy! So, let’s see...yes, when, when my swell four-legged best friend, Major, took a turn for my old jalopy, you know the thing...my sweet Matilda (that’s how I affectionately refer to my Corvette, hee hee). Anyhoo, I must not belabor the point. I remembered a fast move I had seen Corn Pop do many a time before we had our little tête-à-tête (John...John Kerry, that is, not JFK, taught me that German, I mean, French term, ha, ha). Oh, where was I? Oh, yes, before Corn Pop and I had our proverbial hootenanny in the swimming pool lot, I saw him execute a parachute landing fall I think I had previously also observed when I was in the Army Air Corps. You know the thing? Well, Major went one way and I proceeded to attempt to execute my move...but, uh, uh, oh, yeah, well, since the footpath to my Victory Garden was a wee bit bumpy, I did a little dipsy-doodle and landed smack dab on bewildered Major in the middle of Jill’s azaleas! I cried out, “Oh, fiddle faddle”, and then silently murmured an ejaculatory prayer...I think something from Palms...and in the process we both scampered to the chaise lounge, where I beseeched Hunter, who was visiting, to call old Doc Witherspoon to make a house call. No, Jill, is not an medical doctor as some claim. All in all, we were told that Major is a-okay and I’m going to need to rest up for a spell in our basement. I have marvelous Bob Crosby and the Bob-Cats albums that I am looking forward to playing every night while I prop up my hairy leg. So, there you have the latest scoop...everything is copacetic in the Biden casa. Don’t forget to wear your masks, my fellow Americans. Signing off, for now, from your Senator-elect, Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr.

"I made a sick parkour jump and roll"

Who the hell are they trying to kid? He didn't write that. F'ing lame!!