I'm paraphrasing, but this is what I basically did around a month ago.
Grocery Clerk: Excuse me sir, we require everyone to wear masks...
Me: (arm fully extended, palm out Stop): "Social distancing! Step back, please! You are on the verge of putting yourself and your company in a legal VOLCANO! First, you put me at risk of becoming infected with coronavirus by failure to social distance! We're in the middle of a FRIGGIN PANDEMIC!!! Coronavirus ain't no joke. It came from bad dudes eating VAMPIRE BATS in China!! You don't want to get 20 years in prison for manslaughter! Secondly, you're on the brink of discrimination and a direct violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act by denying me service. I have a medical condition. I can't wear a mask. You basically just asked me to suffocate myself. Demanding that I put a mask on is the equivalent to putting your knee on my neck. Are you also going to pump me full of Fentanyl?! I can't breathe!!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!! 1776 WILL COMMENCE AGAIN!!!"
I'm paraphrasing, but this is what I basically did around a month ago.
Grocery Clerk: Excuse me sir, we require everyone to wear masks...
Me: (arm fully extended, palm out Stop): "Social distancing! Step back, please! You are on the verge of putting yourself and your company in a legal VOLCANO! First, you put me at risk of becoming infected with coronavirus by failure to social distance! We're in the middle of a FRIGGIN PANDEMIC!!! Coronavirus ain't no joke. It came from bad dudes eating VAMPIRE BATS in China!! You don't want to get 20 years in prison for manslaughter! Secondly, you're on the brink of discrimination and a direct violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act by denying me service. I have a medical condition. I can't wear a mask. You basically just asked me to suffocate myself. Demanding that I put a mask on is the equivalent to putting your knee on my neck. Are you also going to pump me full of Fentanyl?! I can't breathe!!! I CAN'T BREATHE!!! 1776 WILL COMMENCE AGAIN!!!"
Clerk (eyes bulged):......!!!
Me: Oh, where do you keep the fresh apple cider?
Clerk: Uhh...uhh...p-Produce.