Pedes, this is a sincere plea for help. I am in my 30s and have been agnostic my entire life. In the past I never gave any merit to the thought of God, but a few weeks ago I realized that every single person I love and respect, both in my own life and public figures, is a devout Christian. So I thought to myself, maybe I've been wrong about God.
I started reading the bible and looking up some verses online about relevant topics - just the start to what will be a much longer journey. I was feeling pretty good about it until today when I watched a video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZBIn0QCEpE) about salvation. I listened, closed my eyes, and recited the prayer at the end.
I want to believe it, I want it so bad that I almost think I believe it, but if I'm being honest with myself and God, I do not. At least not in the way that I hear people talk about their faith. It's worthy of awe and admiration, in fact I envy them for it.
I guess I'm just looking for some help on my journey. My wife says I cannot know and understand everything in the bible. I believe her but I struggle with that thought and wonder if I will ever truly believe.
Much love to you, friend! I can tell you from personal experience that Jesus is the way. Be patient. Faith is not like a toggle switch, it must be grown like a seed grows. Continue to seek Him and it will come. Don't forget to talk to your Heavenly Father, he wants us to be successful and happy! He will guide you in your quest. My life is sooo much better with Jesus in it! All the best to you!