Officer, I seen it with my own eyes. Here I was, walking past this commie fuckers house and he's jumping rope waaay the fuck up in this tree. He thought he was hot shit and tried some tricks. He tried the double dutch, criss-cross and, well... that's how he wound up swinging from that beautiful oak you see right there.

These rope burns on my hands? I was playing tug-o-war with my dog earlier, don't worry about me.