I'll preface this by saying I'm a woman. Maybe my frailty won't come off as too pathetic to some of you. I don't know.
I'm in PA and these lockdowns have taken a horrific toll on my mental health. I just got married in February. I've just started my life pretty much and a whole fucking year was taken. The most sickening, enraging part of it for me is that it's all politicized - it purely revolves around making Trump look bad and nothing more. I don't understand how we so willingly kowtowed to these Democratic tyrants and gave up our freedoms.
I've been on the verge of so many mental breakdowns. I self-injured for years and this bullshit is making me obsess over it again. I've been "sober" for almost three years now and I can't handle it anymore. The urges are so powerful that they're making my heart feel like a heavy weight in my chest. I need Jesus, prayer, or something. I've resorted to it in the past when I felt no control over my situation, and now look at what has happened to our country. I have absolutely no control over this. I don't see an end in sight. Politicians are playing with our lives like we're chess pieces, or less than.
Quarantining the healthy should be illegal. Mask mandates should be illegal. Shutting down these business by extension should be illegal. Why is America turning into a third-world cesspit?
I'm so tired. I'm so fucking sad. I feel like I'm actually being driven to madness and I don't know what I'm gonna do next.
EDIT: I just want to say, your words have been more helpful to me than any addiction/anxiety forum I've ever used. Thank you, Pedes. I'm blown away.
In terms of vacationing, traveling… Our Governor has literally banned travel. As of right now, I can't leave the state to see my family or whatever else.
My husband gives me amazing emotional support, but I get into these depressive funks late at night and I don't like waking him up 'cause he has work in the morning. That's all it is.
Maybe it's just my male privilege, but just don't? obey the lockdown orders? I've gone wherever I wanted in MI without a care. The government doesn't have legal standing to stop me. As for the bigger picture, control the things you can, have a stock of food, medical supplies, ammo, etc. Everything else is out of your hands. Ride the storm and enjoy it. Do what you can to pressure your state legislatures to send electors for Trump, but either way we'll either win or die. Either way it's ok.
It is their plan to drive people to madness and despair.
One other thing. They cannot force you to be depressed.
Just like you can choose whether or not you eat junk food or healthy food, you can CHOOSE what you feed your mind. Don't watch CNN or shows like that; hang around here or occupy your mind with your husband and your own self-improvement.
Take comfort. Does President Trump look even the slightest bit worried?
Does Michael Flynn? And yet he lost his life savings and his house, and had a Federal Judge STILL holding charges over him even after the DOJ agreed to drop them, after it came out the evidence against him was false, AND after a higher court ordered Sullivan to close the case.
Look where Flynn is now.
Hold the line.
And yes, pray. God says He will not reject the broken-hearted.
I'm in PA as well. I feel you. My mental state is not the best right now either, and I really don't know what to do about it. I feel powerless.
I hope your husband is helping provide support. I know Ive been drinking more than I have in a while. I keep saying I should start exercising like crazy to give myself something to focus on, but I find I just cant muster any motivation.
You are not alone. Hang in there. Seems like a lot of people are still in sheep mode right now. But I think that people may soon be pushed to their breaking point, and we will see mass civil disobedience. I hope I am not underestimating people.
I will say one thing: Being a woman offers you additional power if you are willing to play their games.
Don't wear a mask and don't lock down. If you are harassed by anyone, claim they're sexist or abusing you.
The left hates when their own games are pitted against them.
On a more tender note.. A lot of us feel the same way. The world's mental health is being destroyed, to say nothing of physical health, and I do believe we will get through this one way or another.
Stay with your new spouse and make sure you keep each other close. Family too. All of them. If you have any friends who think similarly, disobey lockdown orders so you can see each other.
It's hard to stay strong and it's even harder to do so when you don't know who to trust, what to do and can't find any semblance of control in your life.
Try to start small. Find a new hobby, mess around with pets if you have them, something to focus on that isn't this shitstorm, something that you can be in control of.
I know what you mean. It's hard to be sane and watch the world go crazy.
You are not alone! Many of us feel the same way Darlin! Just keep praying! God will deliver us from this evil! In the meantime, listen to the things other people here are saying...they're giving great advice. Keep busy, clean something, organize things, work on projects you always put off or didn't have time for, take a walk, exercise, learn a foreign language, read a classic novel that actually requires thinking, etc. You get the point. You're going to be fine...We are Americans and we will prevail! Hang in there! Love and prayers from a PA girl living in Indiana. 🇺🇸❤🇺🇸
the lockdowns will end when you stand up and say no more
First, you're married. Your husband should be your first line of defense and support, and you his. If that's not the case, remedy that.
Second, self-injury and substance abuse are often elements of rebellion, rebelling against a lack of agency and control by exercising power over the more perverse forms of both. You need to rebel. Go out without your mask on. Moonwalk into a Sheetz or a Wawa without a mask and act like it's normal. If someone says something, ignore them as if they were in another reality while smiling and go about your business. Resist. Disobey. Rebel. Have 10 friends over. If you don't have 10 friends who will stop by, make 10 new friends. Go to a Trump event and burn your mask. Find your local Trump group and go hand with people who are feeling 99.9% of the same stuff you are right now.
Third, yes, pray. If it's helped in the past, that won't abandon you now unless you abandon it.
It is wonderful weather, but it lacks an oceanfront, so I'll have to settle for Florida. But AZ is awesome otherwise. :)
In eight years we will flatten the curve and the virus will be more or less gone.
Seriously though all crap should be over in January. 2021 gonna be a great great great year.
I truly believe the end of December and the coming of 2021 has some great things in store. We need to make it through next week and then things will start falling into place.
I believe there is an end is sight, Trump will win and when this is over he will not allow this anymore. We the people will not allow it. Im praying for you! Good for you for staying sober through all this... that is an amazing feat! This is hell.... but I feel an end coming. Until then I will pray every night for you, for citizens that are being screwed over, and for America.
Going to the Y for exercise is my salvation, along with prayer. Jesus instructed us to turn our anxieties and fear over to Him. Do it daily, hourly, minute by minute if needed.
Please, stay strong. You are not alone in this. This year has all but broken me, but we can do this. Perhaps you will find this video refreshing, or useful or something. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVUKZ3LIx-M Thanks for reaching out, it helps us all cope knowing that we are not alone. Wishing for better days, for all of us.
Bears hibernate over harsh Winter months and toads go into suspended animation, buried in mud so that they may persist through the bleaker seasons. This is a tunnel and it's pretty fucking dark but it's still just a tunnel and it has an end because we exist in a universe governed by the laws of physics. You are more connected to the woes of solidarity surrounding you than you can comprehend. Focus on the good right in front of your eyes. Be like the toad, be like the bear and persist through this night.