I'll preface this by saying I'm a woman. Maybe my frailty won't come off as too pathetic to some of you. I don't know.

I'm in PA and these lockdowns have taken a horrific toll on my mental health. I just got married in February. I've just started my life pretty much and a whole fucking year was taken. The most sickening, enraging part of it for me is that it's all politicized - it purely revolves around making Trump look bad and nothing more. I don't understand how we so willingly kowtowed to these Democratic tyrants and gave up our freedoms.

I've been on the verge of so many mental breakdowns. I self-injured for years and this bullshit is making me obsess over it again. I've been "sober" for almost three years now and I can't handle it anymore. The urges are so powerful that they're making my heart feel like a heavy weight in my chest. I need Jesus, prayer, or something. I've resorted to it in the past when I felt no control over my situation, and now look at what has happened to our country. I have absolutely no control over this. I don't see an end in sight. Politicians are playing with our lives like we're chess pieces, or less than.

Quarantining the healthy should be illegal. Mask mandates should be illegal. Shutting down these business by extension should be illegal. Why is America turning into a third-world cesspit?

I'm so tired. I'm so fucking sad. I feel like I'm actually being driven to madness and I don't know what I'm gonna do next.

EDIT: I just want to say, your words have been more helpful to me than any addiction/anxiety forum I've ever used. Thank you, Pedes. I'm blown away.

In terms of vacationing, traveling… Our Governor has literally banned travel. As of right now, I can't leave the state to see my family or whatever else.

My husband gives me amazing emotional support, but I get into these depressive funks late at night and I don't like waking him up 'cause he has work in the morning. That's all it is.