Nope, no luck. Got out of a long term relationship (that sorta turned my world upside down) with a dude (right-wing veteran that thinks BLM are domestic terrorists) several months ago who started dating a girl who is a BLM activist so I’m still silently dealing with that emotional confusion lol.
Loll we met on bumble (I shudder at the thought now) a few years ago. Moved together to a new state, had a little “family” of us and our cats. I was a huge Trump supporter before I met him and he was also a Republican so we’d watch a ton of right-wing videos/make fun of liberals/etc all the time. My best, best friend of 15 years was killed in a car accident in Oct 2019. I took that really hard, but thinking about getting married/buying a house/having kids was a good distraction and gave me something to look forward to. Because we lived far from friends/family and my best friend was gone, he was by far the closest person to me and we were always like best buddies on top of being in a relationship.
On best friend’s first birthday since she died, he came home from work and was acting weird. Up and walked out. On the 10 month anniversary (or whatever it’s called) of her death, he finalized the break up and came to get his stuff. Essentially, “it’s not you it’s me”, “i have issues to work out”, “i’ll never be what you deserve” and other cliches like that. He told me he was only with me the last year because she died (not sure why that was even relevant to tell me??), even though we were looking at houses back home and talking about getting married.
So I was left here in a house two hours away from everyone during a GlObAl FuCkInG PaNdeMic (only relevant cuz i can’t get a job and move back thanks to fat fuck pritzker). The loneliness basically ripped open the wounds from losing my best friend. It was like it happened all over again. She’s been there for every break up and this was by far the hardest one. I have other friends but no one nearly as close to me as she was. It just...really fucking sucks not having that friend that you can come to about ANYTHING. It was hell for a while (lost 20lbs from not having an appetite cuz stress), but since the election, I’ve focused all my energy on that and I’ve felt a lot better.
In hindsight, there were signs, but I’m very loyal and very forgiving and believe people are inherently good/mean what they say and I never give up on people close to me without exhausting all options. I’m okay now, just grieving her, which i don’t expect to go away any time soon. She loved my (now ex) boyfriend. First guy i dated that she actually liked. She was very protective over me and I laugh when I think about what she’d say about him now.
Sorry this is so long but if you read all this, I appreciate it. I ONLY CRIED A LITTLE, TOO. Not about that blm protester loving douche, just miss her so much.
To never knowing or never wanting
Understanding that life is a continuum of convergence and divergence
A continuous timeline of people coming and going
Life is filled with discrete decisions that change the course of one’s existence
Happiness is a state of flux, whereby the duality of happy and sad is understood
Peaks juxtapose the troughs, only long enough to allow someone else to pique your interest
Who you are is the constant, only fluctuating slightly with the ups and downs
Sometimes we stop to live life to the fullest, but regrettably the duration is never measured
In time, life fades and light exits
The future melds into the present, and the present fades into the past
Time marches on, Time erases time
Seemingly, we stand still and observe
We cannot go backwards, but we can choose to move forward
Simply accepting that who we are is what we will be
Long and arduous paths lead to leaden regrets
The routine becomes monotonous and we yearn for more
As we stand waiting at the finish line a revelation enlightens us
The end is merely a beginning, and we are given an opportunity to choose who we are
Nope, no luck. Got out of a long term relationship (that sorta turned my world upside down) with a dude (right-wing veteran that thinks BLM are domestic terrorists) several months ago who started dating a girl who is a BLM activist so I’m still silently dealing with that emotional confusion lol.
Loll we met on bumble (I shudder at the thought now) a few years ago. Moved together to a new state, had a little “family” of us and our cats. I was a huge Trump supporter before I met him and he was also a Republican so we’d watch a ton of right-wing videos/make fun of liberals/etc all the time. My best, best friend of 15 years was killed in a car accident in Oct 2019. I took that really hard, but thinking about getting married/buying a house/having kids was a good distraction and gave me something to look forward to. Because we lived far from friends/family and my best friend was gone, he was by far the closest person to me and we were always like best buddies on top of being in a relationship.
On best friend’s first birthday since she died, he came home from work and was acting weird. Up and walked out. On the 10 month anniversary (or whatever it’s called) of her death, he finalized the break up and came to get his stuff. Essentially, “it’s not you it’s me”, “i have issues to work out”, “i’ll never be what you deserve” and other cliches like that. He told me he was only with me the last year because she died (not sure why that was even relevant to tell me??), even though we were looking at houses back home and talking about getting married.
So I was left here in a house two hours away from everyone during a GlObAl FuCkInG PaNdeMic (only relevant cuz i can’t get a job and move back thanks to fat fuck pritzker). The loneliness basically ripped open the wounds from losing my best friend. It was like it happened all over again. She’s been there for every break up and this was by far the hardest one. I have other friends but no one nearly as close to me as she was. It just...really fucking sucks not having that friend that you can come to about ANYTHING. It was hell for a while (lost 20lbs from not having an appetite cuz stress), but since the election, I’ve focused all my energy on that and I’ve felt a lot better.
In hindsight, there were signs, but I’m very loyal and very forgiving and believe people are inherently good/mean what they say and I never give up on people close to me without exhausting all options. I’m okay now, just grieving her, which i don’t expect to go away any time soon. She loved my (now ex) boyfriend. First guy i dated that she actually liked. She was very protective over me and I laugh when I think about what she’d say about him now.
Sorry this is so long but if you read all this, I appreciate it. I ONLY CRIED A LITTLE, TOO. Not about that blm protester loving douche, just miss her so much.
To never knowing or never wanting Understanding that life is a continuum of convergence and divergence A continuous timeline of people coming and going Life is filled with discrete decisions that change the course of one’s existence Happiness is a state of flux, whereby the duality of happy and sad is understood Peaks juxtapose the troughs, only long enough to allow someone else to pique your interest Who you are is the constant, only fluctuating slightly with the ups and downs Sometimes we stop to live life to the fullest, but regrettably the duration is never measured In time, life fades and light exits The future melds into the present, and the present fades into the past Time marches on, Time erases time Seemingly, we stand still and observe We cannot go backwards, but we can choose to move forward Simply accepting that who we are is what we will be Long and arduous paths lead to leaden regrets The routine becomes monotonous and we yearn for more As we stand waiting at the finish line a revelation enlightens us The end is merely a beginning, and we are given an opportunity to choose who we are