3895
Comments (283)
sorted by:
585
deleted 585 points ago +585 / -0
223
thunderpussy 223 points ago +223 / -0

It seems to come naturally to him....

129
BarronVonSaltzburg26 129 points ago +129 / -0

Same lame excuse, later proven false, as that CSPAN Debate Moderator.

90
thunderpussy 90 points ago +90 / -0

It's like the old "I was drugged" when they found some dipshit politician in bed with a hooker.....

The excuse's expiration date has long passed........

93
Choomguy 93 points ago +93 / -0

“It was at that point i slipped and fell, and found that a prostitute had come between me and the ground. Unbeknownst to me, in the ensuing mayhem, one of my appendages had momentarily entered her vagina.”

93
worldofsmut 93 points ago +93 / -0

I was playing golf, and even though I am usually a pretty good player, I was playing horribly that day. As I was about to tee off at the fourth hole I heard a voice say, three wood. I looked around and no one was behind me so I took my stance. Then once again I heard ..three wood. I looked down and there was a frog at the corner of the tee box, and he was telling me to use my three wood. I thought it was stupid but I was playing so badly that I thought nothing could hurt me so I took out my three wood. It was a long par four, and I hit the ball straight 250 yards with that three wood. Since the frog seemed to be lucky I picked him up and took him along with me. At the next hole he told me to use my five iron. It was a par three and I got my first hole in one ever. I made a least a birdie on all the rest of the holes, and all I had to do was listen to that frog.

That night I took the frog to the casino in my hotel. We played Roulette. I put my money where the frog said and won on every spin of the wheel. After that I was tired so I went up to bed. I took the frog out of my pocket and put it on the dresser. Suddenly it looked at me and said, kiss me. Now I wasn't about to kiss a frog, but he said it again. So I kissed the frog and he turned into the most beautiful fourteen year old girl you have ever seen in your entire life. And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room.

19
buzzly6 19 points ago +19 / -0

And that your honor is how that fourteen year old girl ended up in my hotel room or I'm not Bill Clinton.

-31
JohnMcCainsTumors -31 points ago +3 / -34

Tl/dr

31
FreeBased1 31 points ago +31 / -0

You should read it, it's funny.

14
treborr 14 points ago +14 / -0

Did you really take time to communicate to everyone else that two paragraph's is too long for you to read? C'mon, man.

2
workinating 2 points ago +2 / -0

TLDR your TLDR

1
HonestBobbin 1 point ago +1 / -0

To be fair, many things are too long to read for this tumor. My reply being one of them, to help that dead man's tumor save face I need no reply.

34
thunderpussy 34 points ago +34 / -0

ROFL!

That is how stupid that they think we are, actually.

14
TalmudIsToiletPaper 14 points ago +16 / -2

It's not like Dan couldn't see this one coming....oh, right.

8
Cyphr 8 points ago +8 / -0

She blind-sided him... oh, wait...

4
thunderpussy 4 points ago +4 / -0

Certainly not in 3d, that is for sure.......

2
deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
15
I_no_asshoe 15 points ago +15 / -0

It was so windy my clothes blew off.

7
Overkillengine 7 points ago +7 / -0

Nah bro.

She tripped, slipped, and fell on his dick!

Or the Shaggy defense: It wasn't me!

15
Skabliggum2 15 points ago +15 / -0

Well, they say hindsight is 10/10

5
thunderpussy 5 points ago +5 / -0

LOL

0
zooty 0 points ago +1 / -1

Or 50/50

12
cook_does 12 points ago +12 / -0

It’s such low effort because they think their supporters are idiots who will believe anything they say

9
Side-o-Beef_Curtains 9 points ago +9 / -0

If they support crenshaw they are truly idiots

2
thunderpussy 2 points ago +2 / -0

True.

3
MisterGuapo 3 points ago +3 / -0

"...but the Senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity."

2
thunderpussy 2 points ago +2 / -0

LOL

1
redkomrad 1 point ago +1 / -0

The cat walked across my keyboard and things happened.

3
ShitOfPeace 3 points ago +3 / -0

And Joy Reid.

10
LiberalismIsTheVirus 10 points ago +10 / -0

Well he's a globalist

6
thunderpussy 6 points ago +6 / -0

McCain's cucked successor.

1
Pedeville 1 point ago +1 / -0

Sure they didnt just give him the McCain chip? Motherfucker seemed to pop up around the time McCain bit the dust

9
deleted 9 points ago +9 / -0
29
Truglow 29 points ago +32 / -3

The Dingo ate my baby!!

30
lucifer_fit_deus 30 points ago +30 / -0

Thing is, in that case a dingo probably actually did eat her baby.

18
Reefay 18 points ago +19 / -1

She was acquitted and the coroner determined that she was telling the truth. I'd link it, but it's a NYT story behind a firewall.

9
ilikehats 9 points ago +9 / -0

Oh yeah. The dingo attacked the baby. I blame the parents. They were being wildly irresponsible.

4
Truglow 4 points ago +4 / -0

Lol

3
TD_Covfefe_Crusader 3 points ago +3 / -0

Yep, they found scraps of the toddler's clothing in a dingo den nearby. There have also been a couple of other well documented dingo attacks in humans since that happened.

11
Fenianlad 11 points ago +13 / -2

The younglings won’t get this reference, lol

5
4
Truglow 4 points ago +4 / -0

Well I’ll be ....

8
Anon331717 8 points ago +9 / -1

Or the C_A

2
deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
2
Skogin 2 points ago +2 / -0

WE WUZ HAQT

2
Onemoretime11 2 points ago +2 / -0

communist in training

297
FakeNametag 297 points ago +297 / -0

You'd would know he was hacked if his account called for election investigations.

104
Schiffblower [S] 104 points ago +104 / -0

Top kek

7
Doth 7 points ago +7 / -0

He wanted to show her One-Eyed Danny Boy

2
TD_Covfefe_Crusader 2 points ago +2 / -0

Or if he suggested bringing home troops from anywhere.

291
grenades_and_ham 291 points ago +291 / -0

His vision favors left.

51
suckmycorona 51 points ago +51 / -0

Lmao. Pedes get this guy to the top.

24
Fortyfive2020 24 points ago +24 / -0

Aaaand boom goes the dynamite

6
Redditgavemeaids 6 points ago +6 / -0

10/10 man

3
jamesjk1234 3 points ago +6 / -3

His eyesight**

226
deleted 226 points ago +226 / -0
14
JesseLeePeterson 14 points ago +14 / -0

Thanks for flagging! Change the lock on your door.

5
MaxineWaters4Prez 5 points ago +5 / -0

And I'm still trying to figure out how I tripped, fell, tried to catch myself grabbing a tourniquet on the way down but it wrapping around my arm instead, and landing on an exposed hypodermic filled with heroin... What are the odds?!

137
deleted 137 points ago +138 / -1
33
the-new-style 33 points ago +33 / -0

There was also that one guy who stood there and said

No thanks

17
deleted 17 points ago +17 / -0
12
DomTullipso 12 points ago +12 / -0

Youth global Leaders... Just like Alexander Soros, Klaus Schwab, and Tulsi

4
The_General_Patton 4 points ago +14 / -10

Just like Tulsi!

90
magnokor 90 points ago +90 / -0

Previous password?

CRENSHAW02

New password?

HUNTER02

49
Fenianlad 49 points ago +49 / -0

What are those passwords? All I see is ********

5
KAG_FTW 5 points ago +5 / -0

Impossible to crack! Much security!

4
Dennislearsysbastard 4 points ago +4 / -0

Weird try mine: B1GM1KESDONG

2
Fenianlad 2 points ago +2 / -0

All I see now is 8================D

6
deleted 6 points ago +6 / -0
6
zooty 6 points ago +6 / -0

Several people mentioned it.

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
83
MAGA_Master2 83 points ago +83 / -0

Can we start calling him Dan Cringeshaw?

9
MaxineWaters4Prez 9 points ago +9 / -0

Dan McCain

2
TD_Covfefe_Crusader 2 points ago +2 / -0

Pirate McCain.

Aaaargh.

60
Negativekarmabait 60 points ago +61 / -1

Crenshaw fucked up. No one cares if he wants to bang a woman of negotiable affection. What we mind is his weak ass excuse. The lack of spine here is just as bad as his lack of spine elsewhere. If he fessed up and said "yeah, i hit that," general public would not care.

26
deleted 26 points ago +26 / -0
5
Negativekarmabait 5 points ago +5 / -0

Right on.

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
21
deleted 21 points ago +21 / -0
21
deleted 21 points ago +21 / -0
8
zooty 8 points ago +8 / -0

The saying goes you don't pay them for the sex, you pay them to leave afterward.

3
TD_Covfefe_Crusader 3 points ago +3 / -0

Well, Pirate McCain is a globalist whore himself, so it's not really beneath him.

58
NotDangerousGame 58 points ago +59 / -1

"A virus uploaded all that porn to my computer!"

9
Side-o-Beef_Curtains 9 points ago +9 / -0

And Dan played a hit man in every one of them. Weird.

3
hansgruber7 3 points ago +3 / -0

Reminds me of Krugman's hilarious excuses.

1
f_bastiat 1 point ago +1 / -0

"SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME, NOT GUILTY!"

1
TD_Covfefe_Crusader 1 point ago +1 / -0

"I was just doing some research on a tech site and all of these porn pop ups started appearing."

-A former coworker

46
Count_Dyscalculia 46 points ago +47 / -1

🎶Sleep with one Eye Open🎶

31
deleted 31 points ago +31 / -0
15
Space_Force 15 points ago +15 / -0

Pete Butt-Edge-Edge has entered the chat

6
deleted 6 points ago +6 / -0
4
cuntard 4 points ago +4 / -0

better than having him stuck in your ass all night

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
45
BigE_123456 45 points ago +45 / -0

Deep State Crenshaw loves Red Flag laws even though we have a 4th Amendment in our United States Constitution. Don't be fooled by the McCain 2.0 "republican".

37
Mr_Beanths 37 points ago +37 / -0

He would have been better off saying the follow button is on the left side the screen and he didn’t see what he pushed.

3
chodebabies 3 points ago +3 / -0

This would have been the best response, sarcasm coted in truth

26
louisiana_darling 26 points ago +26 / -0

Since she took some of her info down and the internet never forgets, here you go: https://web.archive.org/web/20201217224207/http://oliviamay.nl/

14
HoneyBadger32 14 points ago +14 / -0

$1,500 an hour? We pay politicians too much.

10
HorribleDeplorable 10 points ago +10 / -0

1500 an hour is cheap for some top level trim like that!

10
HoneyBadger32 10 points ago +10 / -0

I think just as a woman and not a hooker she would hold more value. The fact that she is a hooker doesn't make her a top level trim anymore.

1
HorribleDeplorable 1 point ago +1 / -0

But we’re not talking about normal women, we are talking about hookers. And as a hooker, she is definitely top level.

1
HoneyBadger32 1 point ago +1 / -0

Cheaper hookers out there.

9
DeepWinter 9 points ago +9 / -0

I mean... I can't complain. XD

2
tom_of_rj_fame 2 points ago +2 / -0

She seems nice. And worth every penny.

4
deleted 4 points ago +4 / -0
1
themightykekfish 1 point ago +1 / -0

His wife is good lookin’ but has got a weird overly authentic frozen smile

2
FluffiPuff 2 points ago +2 / -0

That happens when you find out you've been betrayed and don't know what to do next.

2
themightykekfish 2 points ago +2 / -0

No I mean in all her pictures. Locked up smile people creep me out.

Honestly at those levels of government If the senator is compromised I consider immediate family compromised.

1
deleted 1 point ago +2 / -1
25
tokenninja 25 points ago +26 / -1

💯 the account is a bot... it probably started off with a different handle/name/image etc and then was changed at a later date

20
Lankyevilme 20 points ago +20 / -0

Probably, but don't lie about getting hacked.

11
lifeisahologram 11 points ago +11 / -0

Well he is fucking retarded. He might actually think he was hacked lol

21
thunderpussy 21 points ago +21 / -0

He may be right. After all, he his Dan the Gay Pirate......

18
subbookkeeper 18 points ago +18 / -0

What's the story behind this?

37
Schiffblower [S] 37 points ago +37 / -0

Someone noticed he was following a high-priced escort on twitter

42
billswinthesuperbowl 42 points ago +43 / -1

I would have so much respect if they just owned shit. “Yea I fuck high price escorts I don’t have time to date.......” sounds so much better than “I was hacked”

23
litux 23 points ago +23 / -0

I guess that the Republican voters of Texas's 2nd congressional district are not as understanding as you are.

15
Dialectic 15 points ago +15 / -0

Considering the rinos coming out of Texas, I don’t think they care. Of course, Ohio is similar. Especially our senators. Good grief. A commie and a faggot

7
fwgr 7 points ago +7 / -0

Is that the Netflix reboot of An Officer and a Gentleman?

3
flashersenpai 3 points ago +3 / -0

bullshit

if they're on the left, they'll think it's empowering if they're on the right, they voted for TRUMP who banged all sorts of women

6
Fortyfive2020 6 points ago +6 / -0

Damn this would be so refreshing, it would gain twice as many voters as it lost.

Oh wait, silly me actually caring about miner of voters! That shit don’t matter no more...

4
DonJr2024 4 points ago +4 / -0

Wow - I barely use twitter but when I do I follow all kinds of random people based on seeing one tweet. I'd just play dumb. Of course, an escort probably isn't tweeting many political things.

Well anyway, here we see how easily people can be blackmailed.

35
Raindrops1984 35 points ago +38 / -3

Why is everybody in Washington obsessed with depraved sex? I don’t get it. Get married, love your spouse, be a untouchable. Like Pence.

27
just-a-normal-dude 27 points ago +27 / -0

Because they're shitty, depraved people.

14
TheDoninator 14 points ago +15 / -1

Because empty people try to fill the hole with depravity?

Because a backstabbing environment fosters a "me first" mindset so they think they should be able to do whatever they want with no repercussions?

Because power corrupts?

Because this nation desperately needs a moral center to cling to, and abandoning it has led us further and further away from righteousness?

13
Trump45IsGod 13 points ago +14 / -1

Honestly. An adult fucking an adult. I don't give a fuck. That's fucking normal. The lie is what is fake and gay Dans a faggot who will burn in hell. A traitor. I am a combat vet. Fuck traitors I'll take his other eye.

1
HungNavySeal300Kills 1 point ago +1 / -0

I have a special tool for the job.

9
You_Aint_Black 9 points ago +9 / -0

There's a study somewhere that shows a higher degree of sociopathy and narcicism among politicians. I'd bet on that.

5
flashersenpai 5 points ago +7 / -2

what are you a test tube baby? buying a hooker isn't "depraved"

what's depraved is the treatment of men in the court system. You say "get married" and Texas says "Your ex wife has authority to turn your son into a girl."

Or did we all just forget that case ever happened? And is still ongoing by the way.

6
Raindrops1984 6 points ago +8 / -2

Or maybe marry a conservative woman instead of an insane liberal. But yes, sleeping with escorts is reckless and unnecessary for real men.

3
ConvergenceMan 3 points ago +4 / -1

LOL that you think a conservative woman won't turn on you and then exploit the corrupt family courts to her full advantage to gut you like a fish

2
Raindrops1984 2 points ago +3 / -1

Well, I know this conservative woman would never.

2
ConvergenceMan 2 points ago +2 / -0

Maybe not you, but it happens all the time.

But this comment of escorts as "reckless and unnecessary for real men" is pretty self-serving, kind of like me saying women who have any sexual contact whatsoever before marriage are "damaged goods and unmarriageable."

-4
subbookkeeper -4 points ago +2 / -6

I couldn't care less.

9
Schiffblower [S] 9 points ago +9 / -0

K great

18
Willham 18 points ago +18 / -0

Does anyone know any team guys that worked with Crenshaw? I'm wondering what sort of reputation he has within the community.

17
deleted 17 points ago +17 / -0
5
Larrysnickers 5 points ago +5 / -0

He used to bang sluts behind McP’s.

1
ICUP 1 point ago +1 / -0

That’s nothing new.

16
Dr0neRec0very 16 points ago +18 / -2

Subtext here: Democrat at heart and gun-grabbing cyclops Dan Crenshaw has a public account and a private Pierre Delecto alt account and he accidentally followed his favorite prostitute using the public account. We're all on the same page with this, right?

7
deleted 7 points ago +7 / -0
2
kek_mate 2 points ago +2 / -0

also plausible that the follow may have happened when the account wasn't used for these purposes? ( hers that is ). I don't use twitter so I don't know if crenshaw is the type of person to follow anybody he meets or a select few.

4
Dr0neRec0very 4 points ago +6 / -2

Crenshaw is also more or less just a prostitute, so it makes sense.

13
Carbum 13 points ago +13 / -0

I got hacked.. by my bottle of JD

1
themightykekfish 1 point ago +1 / -0

This guy ducks.

9
deleted 9 points ago +10 / -1
7
StaryHickory 7 points ago +7 / -0

Dislike Crenshaw with every passing day. He comes out as smug and swampy. Pro eternal war....just the shit we don't need. I could care less he followed a prostitute on twitter, but saying he was hacked...oh boy.

1
themightykekfish 1 point ago +1 / -0

The facade of Washington is aptly summed “Hollywood for ugly people”

7
deleted 7 points ago +7 / -0
7
DirtyWilly 7 points ago +7 / -0

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

2
PubliusRex 2 points ago +2 / -0

But I did have a business arrangement.

7
RicoSauve35 7 points ago +7 / -0

His lame ass video he put out. He def wants to be famous. Total rino shit bird

7
JohnMcCainsTumors 7 points ago +7 / -0

Crenshaw is a self absorbed cunt

7
crackingtosh 7 points ago +8 / -1

What a fucking snake this guy is. We figured him out pretty early on, but I can't help to think that we helped put into power originally

6
bill_in_texas 6 points ago +6 / -0

What he should have said:

"Yes, I unashamedly support single mothers. The question to you is....why do YOU shun single mothers? They work hard, providing the best they can to support their kids. They deserve our support, not our scorn, and shame on you for being anti-woman. What is it about women having a career and making their own empowered choices about their own bodies that upsets you so much? Would you just prefer that they be barefoot and in the kitchen?"

2
tom_of_rj_fame 2 points ago +2 / -0

Guess he is getting in front of AOC on the sex worker bailout issue?

2
tom_of_rj_fame 2 points ago +2 / -0

Or maybe behind her efforts? Yeah, deeply behind . the. . efforts.

1
PubliusRex 1 point ago +1 / -0

Such nice efforts, too. More than a handful, you could say.

5
HumblePig 5 points ago +6 / -1

"I was hacked!" is about as believable these days as "the dog ate my homework."

I tried to have a Twitter to follow POTUS. It kept demanding phone verification and locking my account out until I did it every god damn time I signed in saying my activity was suspicious. And god forbid you ever use a VPN. Since I refuse to use my real cell phone and bummed a temp number I no longer have access to, no Twitter for me. But he'd have been notified and the person logging in would've hit that stupid wall of "VERIFY BY TEXT IT'S REALLY YOU!!" if their IP wasn't one of his usual ones.

4
Batdon 4 points ago +4 / -0

What a cuck! Dan Cuckshaw

4
Bucktooth34 4 points ago +4 / -0

It was the Russians I tell you! The Russians!

4
cob05 4 points ago +4 / -0

Cuckshaw is such a huge disappointment. He seemed like a quintessential patriot when he was running. He needs to go, hard.

4
OlGrizz 4 points ago +4 / -0

We need a comprehensive list of Rino's organized by next primary date. What a twat.

4
Lordahdaring 4 points ago +4 / -0

I think I accidentally followed a prostitute.

4
Ella101 4 points ago +4 / -0

Who is she. Link?

3
2
tom_of_rj_fame 2 points ago +2 / -0

Whoa, That is one heck of a pro!

4
deleted 4 points ago +4 / -0
3
Flipbarryfromreddit 3 points ago +3 / -0

It’s okay guys, he has an eyepatch!

3
RedPillMissionary 3 points ago +3 / -0

Crenshaws a dumbass but this is petty. All women are prostitutes for the right guy

3
donniedarko 3 points ago +3 / -0

Why? Why? WHY DOES SHE CHARGE 1500$???

3
deleted 3 points ago +3 / -0
3
XirWokeMasterCuck 3 points ago +3 / -0

I knew 100% that this guy was a piece of shit when he buddied up with snl

3
TheMemeSpiceMustFlow 3 points ago +4 / -1

I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but ever since this guy voiced support for red flag laws it was obvious he was a RINO.

3
deleted 3 points ago +3 / -0
1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
3
Homopratensis2 3 points ago +3 / -0

Lol...what a one eyed piece of shit.

3
Rickshawrick 3 points ago +3 / -0

With Dan, Everything can be attributed to "Ol' one eye"

3
deleted 3 points ago +3 / -0
3
BuckyKatt60 3 points ago +4 / -1

Phhht. Pointless kerfuffle involving Crenshaw. Former Navy SEAL caught following female escort who posts photo's of herself in sexy skivvies! 😂 Who gives a shit. If anything, Crenshaw was stupid for following her on his actual account rather than a "burner" account.

11
Schiffblower [S] 11 points ago +11 / -0

Who the hell cares if he followed her or even slept with her. No one. It’s the hack lie that makes him a hack

2
BuckyKatt60 2 points ago +2 / -0

Agree. Pretty stupid of him on that front as well. Should have just ignored the whole thing.

4
operatorstorm712 4 points ago +4 / -0

The biggest issue is the "stupid" part. He is obviously not clever, and that is compounded by his arrogance -- very bad qualities in a politician (and ones of which we have been far too forgiving).

If he can be played by this; he can be played by other things.

3
tom_of_rj_fame 3 points ago +3 / -0

Dan respects a true professional. It's hard to go back to amateur hour, once you have been with a true pro, you know, a real master of the craft.

3
Scuffers 3 points ago +3 / -0

OK, who was said prostitute?

Picture!

9
Schiffblower [S] 9 points ago +9 / -0

She’s a NY-based escort that charges $1,500 per out

4
Scuffers 4 points ago +4 / -0

Pictures man!

Pictures!

9
Get-schlonged 9 points ago +10 / -1

I think OP is making it up. Pics or she doesn’t exist. For science.

2
themightykekfish 2 points ago +2 / -0

She’s smokin her website was posted further up

1
FreeBased1 1 point ago +1 / -0

👍🤣

2
deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
2
Illllllllllllllll 2 points ago +2 / -0

Her Twitter is OliviaMayNYC. Apparently the $1,500 is for one hour. If you want her overnight it’s $7,000.

2
Scuffers 2 points ago +2 / -0

this one: https://twitter.com/OliviaMayNYC

Where are you getting the details from?

2
jaaardstyck 2 points ago +2 / -0

Bruh, you gotta make that porn account alt. Cmon.

2
Vir4030 2 points ago +2 / -0

There's a much easier explanation.

I get random followers on Twitter from time to time that are revealingly-dressed women with no tweet history. I always immediately block them.

There are lots of people who subscribe to the "follow back" policy, and follow anyone that follows them back by reflex.

Someone on Crenshaw's staff accidentally followed one of these people back.