Joe Biden is actually a superhero: Captain Lostis Marbles! When he says the word 'Shitzam!' he turns into a guy with the powers of: Shlomo the banker, Hitler, Ignatz the Rat, Zoonose the Mongoose, Arnold the Benedict, and Monkeyfuck the Pedophile. He can fly, fondle little girls, stuff ballot boxes, and sell his influence to foreign powers.

He has one weakness: the light of day. So he stays in his basement most of the time and lets his criminal ally Kamongula the Hairless campaign for him.

Did I say superhero? I meant asshole.