Hahahaha! They'd see us as a league of castratos who worship technology, abandoning all reason for a postage stamp plot of land and a few grains of gold. They'd see our glorification of the marketplace as grotesque, our elevation of actors as bizarre, and our sports as weak, overcomplicated affairs.

If the Romans could see us, they'd salivate at a nation ripe for conquering. And they'd do it, too, all technological advances aside. They would find a way.