I agree with another poster. It will be good for you to disconnect from this all. Just for a time. You wrote of isolation from family and if they are good people you'll need them way past your 20s. Leave this mess and reconnect with them. Talk with them away from this. It has already impacted you negatively why let it continue on this path of destruction?

Leave all this and sit for a while. Its out of your control. As you said - you know the facts - thats all you can know. Now you need to reclaim your life and being. None of these fuckinf stains (government or media or co) and losing sleep or soul like you are - dont allow anyone that power.

Truely. Take a break. You have so much life ahead of you.

(I'm later 30s, im a mum.. and I just can't not write something to you. Please, this path isn't the right path. You are worth more than giving up)