I could only watch once.

Flashlights shining into her eyes, blood pressure rapidly crashing as furious men scream at each other above her, she manages a few weak convulsions as her mouth fills and hair wets with blood. She deserved to be convinced of the 'truth' as much as she deserved to be free from 'baseless deceptions'. In the end, a police officer decided that what she really deserved was to die for the sanctity of the building built for hearing her grievances. Fuck it all, I'm tired of it.

I wish I hadn't seen the video it really fucked me up last night and it sure isn't the first person I've seen die on the internet - I felt her dying, in another roll of the dice it could have been me. Swept up in the anger and emotion of tens of thousands of people who just found out one of their most trusted advocates was going to close the door on them.

I know how Ashli felt.

In many ways I was right there with her, emotionally, spiritually. Watching that video, I felt her dying physically, or atleast what the deepest and most empathetic parts of my mind could imagine she was feeling. I was her righteous indignation, her anger, the shock and panic behind her eyes in those last moments. It made me realise not that I am too invested in this whole thing, but to my frustration and shame simply, I am not invested enough.

Hold the line. Today. Tomorrow. Each and every day for the rest of your lives after the 20th of January. Hold the line. In every small and great thing you can do, Hold the line for those who held it for you.

God bless the people we lost yesterday.