I just feel like I am living my life with the purpose to lose, I don't want to say too much out in the open on this thread but I just feel like I am subconsciously trying to purposefully fail in life.

For the past 4 months I've been drinking every day, I have caused arguments that were my fault with no apologies, I have hated on the people who have always been there for me. I feel so fucking selfish.

I have been wasting the money I've worked so hard to save for the past 3 years I just don't know what to do anymore.