My old pastor and I would talk a lot after I got kicked out of church. He had a lot of progressive views about religion but never showed them inside the church. He had the thought that, because it had to happen, it wasn't even truly Judas himself that betrayed Jesus because it was part of God's plan. He thought that once Judas was himself again, that's when he felt the crushing remorse of his betrayal, and even that his suicide would've been forgiven because of the immense shame and sadness he felt that wasn't his to carry.