This has been brewing for a while but the political stuff was the nail in the coffin for our relationship. It hurts to say it. I love the guy. But I can't be with someone who has zero fight in them and zero patriotism. I mean with as patriotic as I am now I can't believe it lasted this long. Can't wait to get out there and date REAL manly men lol.
Sorry for this post. I'm just a little sad and needed to vent.
How does one protect themselves from this pre-marriage (other than never getting married)?
Fwiw, I've got some experience and background knowledge with all of this, just from my parents' divorce when I was around 14, and my uncle having once being a family court judge. I know both ends (an "easy," divorce and a hard divorce, from both of these examples). My parents were as easy and cordial as it got. Still burnt my dad financially, since my mom was a housewife. So she got to stay in the house, he moved to a tiny apartment. She owns half the house now, etc. But everything was split pretty fairly, all agreed upon by my parents beforehand, no custody battles over the kids (just me really since my brother was already 18), it was over really quick, and my parents, almost 20 years later, are still friends.
My fiancee's parents was kind of the opposite from what she's told me and pretty rough on her and her siblings. Still, I think both of our experiences made us both a lot more careful, and changed our attitudes about marriage. I think we're less likely to get divorced because of that, but that doesn't mean we're immune... things change. But we've also taken things slow, been together 7 years or so now, engaged for over 2, etc, so we both feel pretty comfortable with our decision to get married... but... yea, the thought of divorce still terrifies me. Even with us both making exactly the same amount riight now, I know that I'd still be the one to get shafted if it were ever to come to divorce. Not sure why we ever had to bring the government into marriage, makes no fucking sense.
You can't, even prenuptial agreements rarely protect you, and are subject to strict limitations. The only way to win is to not play.
Your parents' friendly divorce is a rare unicorn these days. Child support is tied to visitation and custody and that's become a sick game in the modern era. The less time Dad has with his kids, the more money Mom gets to spend partying with her new boyfriends. And to make sure Dad gets less time, family law - in many states - allows domestic violence restraining orders to be granted FOR NOTHING ("he yelled at me!") and then the DVRO is "evidence" to strip Dad of all rights except one - the right to pay and pay and pay. BTW, you should look up the divorce rates of children of divorced parents. You won't like the data unfortunately, but better to know upfront before you pull the trigger to the gun you're pointing at your head. But to be fair, some couples beat the odds and maybe you'll get lucky.
Yeah I've seen all the studies. Unfortunately, what I've learned working with data in public policy and public health, is that data is easily manipulated, and for every study saying one thing on a social issue, there's another study saying the opposite. I think the correlation between divorced parents and what ends up with the children is better exemplified by this study, personally, which shows it's more linked to conflict than it is divorce. Just happens that a lot of times divorce and conflict go hand in hand. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01494929.2015.1095267?journalCode=wmfr20&
When mom and dad split up it's the kids who usually suffer most. And while we like to pretend it's so unfair to men, if not for disincentives to divorce we might have even more irresponsibility and the state providing a shifty substitute for a dad still at least kicking in for his own kids. Look at Steve Jobs slandering the mother of his first child and refusing support and involvement, took court ordered paternity test to start to get that guy to step up.
And in most cases the kids don't want to be put in the spot of picking a parent so we flawed as family court is it does at least provide some structure. And in general women are more nurturing and patient with daily childcare duties.
Sorry bro but this is so extremely flawed, you have no idea. Stories about boxers and fighters getting their champion title belts taken away from them make me want to hurl. That’s not fair. No matter how you spin it, that is not fair. Child support is raised exponentially to screw the man far more than the woman. Why should a man be paying $7,000 a month for 1 child when said child doesn’t even cost HALF of that?
I’ll tell you why—it’s because these laws are gynocentric bullshit.
Also, women are NOT more nurturing and patient with childcare duties, that’s another bullshit societal trope that is completely false. Women commit filicide more often than men do. That alone destroys the wOmYn aRe mOrE nUrTuRiNg narrative.
Men commit over 95% of all murders last I checked. The reason we hear about sensational cases of moms killing kids is that it is actually rare. But if you have a psycho raising kids alone the chance of something horrible goes up. We dads are vital, but don't let the extreme incel rhetoric infect you. Mothers generally care more closely for far more time than dads who of course play a crucial role but are out of the home more. If you don't appreciate what moms do I am sorry for your childhood.
Bro, men are simply put in situations where they'd have to kill much more often than women. And women do kill too lol it's just not directly (instead of murder, they'll try to cause a suicide, for example). Saying this stuff, especially as it pertains to filicide, is NOT incel rhetoric because incels don't talk about this stuff. Just because someone paints women in a negative light doesn't mean they are an incel, that's the weakest attempt at rationalizing away an argument that I've ever heard. Moms don't do as much as a dad lol I'm sorry to say. If you think that they do, then you're simply brainwashed or pussy-whipped.