The Bucs were dominating the entire game. There was 1 minute left in the fourth quarter. The score was 31-17 Bucs over Chiefs when coach Biden called a timeout. Suddenly it was announced that a water pipe had broken and the game would be postponed for 6 days.
The viewers were violently escorted from the stadium and a giant cardboard wall was erected in front of all the doors and windows. Only the Chiefs media was allowed to stay. Tom Brady began to protest, but everyone called him a racist, took a knee, and chanted “suppression! Suppression! You’re inciting my erection!” He refused to leave but everyone else from the Bucs had already left after a group of masked thugs began strangling them while yelling “I CANT BREATHE!”
That’s when the pipe “fortifiers” showed up, at 4AM. There was enough of them to form their own football team. And It turned out that the Chiefs never actually left the field. They were just hiding under a table. The ref looked at his watch and saw it was 4AM, and declared “GAME ON!”
Brady was beside himself “what the fuck is this you’re rigging the game my team is not even here you can’t start it in the middle of the night when none of us are here!” The ref realized he was right, so his complaints were immediately taken to the Supreme Ref, who said that Brady was complaining too early, because the score hadn’t even changed.
The pipe fortifiers began to replace the patriots. Since the actual patriots were not on the field, the Supreme Ref held that it was too late for Brady to complain. So, the pipe fortifiers took to the field against the Chiefs. On the first play a pipe fitter fumbled the ball. That’s all I saw, as I was punched in both eyes and there was a standing ovation as i was carried out of the stadium.
I woke up the next day and the patriots had lost 31-32. It turns out that even though there was only one minute left remaining in the game the chiefs managed to make 5 FG’s against the pipe fortifiers. Tom Brady signed an affidavit saying that on one occasion a FG was 10 feet short, but a pipe fortifier caught it and threw it over the goal post: giving the chiefs the win 31-32.
The Bucs were told they could avoid being kicked of the league if they stopped challenging the results of a REEE and fair super bowl. But Brady was banned from the all the major sports leagues and a masked thug told his wife Gizelle said he would be “Aaron Hernandezed” if the Bucs won.
Two weeks later it was widely discovered that a group of pipe fortifiers had finished the game for the Bucs. But Time Magazine explained to the world how pipe fortifiers are our biggest ally against systemic whiteness and whiteys like Brady, and from then on the phenomenon of pipe fortifiers finishing games became America’s first ‘equitable’ tradition!
I know what you may be thinking, but don’t worry. This was all 100% DEMOCRATIC: a month or so later, 3 Chiefs ratified this outcome by voting yes. The patriots were present during the vote and their votes were unofficially recorded as voting “huh?” and “stop you’re killing me!!!” The trustworthy Mike Pence investigated, and it turns out there was no widespread evidence of super bowl fraud and this was all what Vince Lombardi Colin Kaepernick would have wanted.
The Bucs were dominating the entire game. There was 1 minute left in the fourth quarter. The score was 31-17 Bucs over Chiefs when coach Biden called a timeout. Suddenly it was announced that a water pipe had broken and the game would be postponed for 6 days.
The viewers were violently escorted from the stadium and a giant cardboard wall was erected in front of all the doors and windows. Only the Chiefs media was allowed to stay. Tom Brady began to protest, but everyone called him a racist, took a knee, and chanted “suppression! Suppression! You’re inciting my erection!” He refused to leave but everyone else from the Bucs had already left after a group of masked thugs began strangling them while yelling “I CANT BREATHE!”
That’s when the pipe “fortifiers” showed up, at 4AM. There was enough of them to form their own football team. And It turned out that the Chiefs never actually left the field. They were just hiding under a table. The ref looked at his watch and saw it was 4AM, and declared “GAME ON!”
Brady was beside himself “what the fuck is this you’re rigging the game my team is not even here you can’t start it in the middle of the night when none of us are here!” The ref realized he was right, so his complaints were immediately taken to the Supreme Ref, who said that Brady was complaining too early, because the score hadn’t even changed.
The pipe fortifiers began to replace the patriots. Since the actual patriots were not on the field, the Supreme Ref held that it was too late for Brady to complain. So, the pipe fortifiers took to the field against the Chiefs. On the first play a pipe fitter fumbled the ball. That’s all I saw, as I was punched in both eyes and there was a standing ovation as i was carried out of the stadium.
I woke up the next day and the patriots had lost 31-32. It turns out that even though there was only one minute left remaining in the game the chiefs managed to make 5 FG’s against the pipe fortifiers. Tom Brady signed an affidavit saying that on one occasion a FG was 10 feet short, but a pipe fortifier caught it and threw it over the goal post: giving the chiefs the win 31-32.
The Bucs were told they could avoid being kicked of the league if they stopped challenging the results of a REEE and fair super bowl. But Brady was banned from the all the major sports leagues and a masked thug told his wife Gizelle said he would be “Aaron Hernandezed” if the Bucs won.
Two weeks later it was widely discovered that a group of pipe fortifiers had finished the game for the Bucs. But Time Magazine explained to the world how pipe fortifiers are our biggest ally against systemic whiteness and whiteys like Brady, and from then on the phenomenon of pipe fortifiers finishing games became America’s first ‘equitable’ tradition!
I know what you may be thinking, but don’t worry. This was all 100% DEMOCRATIC: a month or so later, 3 Chiefs ratified this outcome by voting yes. The patriots were present during the vote and their votes were unofficially recorded as voting “huh?” and “stop you’re killing me!!!” The trustworthy Mike Pence investigated, and it turns out there was no widespread evidence of super bowl fraud and this was all what
Vince LombardiColin Kaepernick would have wanted.This is a great analogy! Also hilarious how the bucs randomly became the patriots halfway through LOL