Got myself extremely hyped up to go on a date with a girl I met who was exactly my type (yes she supports Trump) and seemingly out of my league. Everything seemed to be going very well, she was texting me constantly and trying to make plans with me after I first asked if she wanted to go out.
Then we went on what I thought was a “date” but perhaps wasn’t. After we were done eating she said she was going home about 10 min later.
I don’t know what went wrong and I guess it doesn’t really matter now. But I really feel like shit and idk what to do. My job makes me stressed and sometimes I think about destroying my career rather than showing up for work on Monday. The election has been destroying my positive mindset in every way imaginable. I was so happy when I thought I might be building a relationship with a girl who I felt was a perfect fit for me and thought things might be turning around. Now I feel much worse than before I met her... even feeling worse than when Trump lost the election.
I know this is a bit pathetic but I really don’t know what else to do but ask for advice here. I appreciate any advice you can give me for dealing with this situation. PS no Hillary, I am not suicidal.
Too eager. She could tell. Don't text her until she texts you again. Be willing to wait about 3 months. Only give one word answers... make her ask you if anything is wrong. Say, "everything great! why?" Then go silent for a week.
Whaaaatt... this is a crazy amount of game-playing! Why can't OP u/Yourowngreatgrandma just straight-up ask the girl what the problem is, and tell her to let him know? And remind her politely that her disappearance is mysterious and that it would be considerate of her to let him know what's wrong? Why should he have to wait?? And play all these dumbass games? He's not her servant. Straight-up tell her what the issue is and that he would really appreciate a response as that would be the considerate thing to do on her part.
Terrible. Alphas are naturals at game. Women crave games. Tested and proven.
So what if she craves games? Right now, he's ALREADY forced into playing HER game. And he LOST.
Make her play HIS game by reminding her very politely that she's being a total bitch. That's why politeness is very important. Give her some emotional blackmail. Let her know that she's being immature and childish. Make her feel guilty and ashamed.
You guys want OP to play HER game and run away like a frightened girl. NAAAH. He's got to stand his ground and confront her.
Right. But he can turn the franchise around. You're reading me wrong. Confront her? Yeah, women love to be confronted. lol
Lmao, YOU are the one talking about alphas vs betas. So why are YOU afraid to confront a woman albeit politely?
There's no reason to. A fear of loss is the desired result. You don't react to what she's putting out. That's beta. It's more like Damone's 5 Point Plant...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zl-CriM6vx0
Look buddy, you don't get to switch back and forth between stooping irrationally to personal insults and then back to some evidence-based form of argument.
Pick a lane and stick to it. Either ad hominem in which case you'll get fucking shredded for being an asshole for no reason or provocation. Or logical argument. But you picked ad hominem. Bad call, chief.
And I disagree... she's not being a bitch. She doesn't want to hurt him by leading him on.
So what? Why are you making excuses for her now?
You're the one rushing to her defense.
AGAIN, let HER be the one to give the explanation. Why are you white-knighting her now?? This is bizarre.
Not at all. Calling bullshit shows you care too much. That is anti-seductive.
imo....people are too focused on "playing games" and get too caught up in shit like that instead of just living life and being natural with each other. humans over think A LOT of things sometimes.
Well, whatever OP is doing, didn't work.
It's my opinion that the whole PUA is likely bullshit, any time a guy ran game on a girl and she bought into it, the odds are more likely that she liked him for other reasons. Girls just don't think that way, the only thing that really matters is emotion/connection. Nor do guys think that way, when you see a girl you're into is it because she had some well planned out way of carrying herself and talking? No it's cause you saw her face or her body and the bells run that you wanted to fuck her
Terrible advice. Patton was right.
Lol false. She got away with it! She's won this round. Don't you see that?
Being polite and being needy are not the same thing. He's got to be politely aggressive and let her know she needs to step up and be an adult and show him the basic courtesy of being an adult and saying what went wrong or saying goodbye.
Right now, she's the winner because she's forced him to comply with HER game.
Chasing dead ends is unproductive. Option 1 she's just gone. Option 2 she dates some other losers, gets burned/humbled, decides to give OP call out of desperation some time down the road.
If she bounced it's a no go unless something changes. OP piling it on heavy makes it worse, not better. He probably ought to move on all together never giving it a second thought.
NOPE! He should NOT submit to playing this game. He needs to ask for clarification. He has the right to do so and she's obligated to tell him. Now, obviously, she could very well choose not to. But let him go ahead and put her in that position.
Why are you wanting him to submit to her tactics? Let HIM make the call. Not her.
It sounds like you said or did something that freaked her out for her to bolt like that. It's better not to reveal too much too fast. You need to let an emotional attachment develop before you open up. Maybe you went into too much detail about political opinions or frustrations with work and she got doubts about your stability. Not that you are unstable, but until she knows you better, she might not read you right when you say things that you are already comfortable with and are assuming she will understand. You say she was "out of your league". Don't overlook the plain girls - they might just be the perfect match for you and you're missing it. God bless, brother Pede!
Don't assume it went wrong. Get in touch with her, how's it going, yadda yadda, see if she wants to do something, nothing big just coffee or whatever. And be yourself.
No harm in doing this
Agreed
Slow your roll son, you putting too much pressure on your self. How do I know? I know, I did the same thing. You will learn, you will gain experience. The dating game. Yeay!!
You're not pathetic, just lost a little control and perspective. Don't put so much weight on one encounter or person. People are perceptive and can spot drama and will avoid it. Especially girls. For some reason, they can smell it like some desperation bloodhound or something. Remember first encounters are about fun and asking them questions and just listening, don't talk about yourself unless asked and certainly don't be heavy. Regarding what to do - at this point, drop all contact. ALL contact. She may come back around, but let her do it. If she comes back, great. If not, move on and learn from your mistake. I've fixed bad encounters and dealt with fickle women this way and it oddly works half the time. Most of all keep trying. Believe it or not, dating is a numbers game. Can't win if you don't play.
Sometimes that's just how it goes. Maybe you're just not her type? Move on to the next one and don't let it get you down
People can be extremely fickle. Next time don't get wound up so fast.
Hey man, it gonna hurt but you’re gonna be fine. There’s plenty more where she came from and you must love yourself before you love another. Remember that you are awesome and most important. Never lose sight of it. And I promise you, I promise: when you truly love yourself, you will be irresistible to women.
My daughter is a beautiful 30-year old. She was in a serious relationship that broke up several years ago, and since then has talked with many men on dating sites, and gone on many dates. She's approaching it seriously because she wants to find someone compatible to lead into marriage.
I have heard lots of her reactions to different men. She may not be representative of many young women, but for what it's worth, after many dates with different men, she's developed greater clarity about things that men do and say that are clues of problems.
-She wants him to look after her to a degree. Make sure she's comfortable, see if she'd like something more to eat/drink, etc.
-He should be a little bit flirty, more if they've been texting for a while and have gotten more familiar, but he shouldn't express real strong attraction to her for a while. She wants to build a relationship, enjoy talking and getting to find out about each other with some flirting.
If you felt like you and your "date" really could hit it off, then I think you should text her tomorrow afternoon or evening and tell her you would like to have a second date with her; would she like to go out again. If you haven't communicated tonight, you should text her in the morning to tell her you enjoyed getting together and have a nice day. (These are things the men who most impress my daughter have done!) If she doesn't want to go out again, you could then say, "Oh? I had a nice time last night. I hope I didn't do anything to offend you." This is only if you want to try to find out why she doesn't want another date.
My daughter read some helpful books that gave her more confidence in dating; such things as knowing how to read signals from men, how to not give wrong impressions, what men are looking for in a woman, and such. A couple of them are by Bruce Bryans. He has some books that help men with dating and how to develop a quality relationship with a woman, as well. You might look into these.
Finally, you are looking for someone that meets a number of criteria and who is compatible with you, maybe for a lifetime. Don't be surprised that you may have some okay dates, some really bad ones, and eventually the really great ones with the right person. Change anything you think might make you a better man (for your own self), but beyond that, don't take it personally that there will be many women who just aren't right for you. You're looking for the one you'll enjoy spending your life with!
Best wishes! You can do this!
9/10 !? Send me her number and I'll ask for you..... Ayyyyyeeeeeee ;)
A baseball pro bats 300, if he wants to be in the record books ... 30% dude! go hit up 10 more hotties and see what happens.
You should only have women answer this. Men are clueless on this. - Did you meet her in person prior to the “date?” Or was this online/phone until the date? -How much time elapsed before the date and since she disappeared?
I replied in another comment after I read some of your replies so I’ll just add this- 2 days ago? This level of panic and it was 2 days? You’ve known her 4 days? I mean it could even be she had some free time then and was like cool new friend to chat to and then you got together and she just wasn’t feeling it. Or maybe is recently out of a relationship and upon meeting one and one was just not there. It is not that you aren’t attractive enough between three days. If she liked you the first time you look fine the second. Or she never saw it as more but you did. In any case don’t get attached next time based on knowing someone for under a week. Reign it in. Don’t ever play it cool but don’t let you imagination run away in a short time.
Here’s the comment. It might be in reply to another commenter. https://patriots.win/p/12hRLZeTwc/x/c/4Dx4Llrpoor
"The election has been destroying my positive mindset" - dont let it get you down https://theprecinctproject.wordpress.com/
MGTOW.
Seriously, men go their own way for a reason.
There is an entire movement on the internet for men that have reconsidered the wisdom of pouring themselves out for women. For starters, have a look at the YouTube channel called Coach Red Pill. I have enjoyed his advice.
Need to know more what happened during the date, what was discussed and how, to make a more informed diagnosis.
Not knowing that, however, if you like her and want to pursue a romantic relationship with her, you have to consider becoming friends with her first, so she gets to know you better. Be funny and charming. Don't bombard her with texts and be needy and stalkerish. Win her over.
Also consider the possibility that it may not be a good match, so I suggest going out with other girls as you become friends with her. Don't focus on just her.
Breathe. Don't get down. Dating is really hard for most people. It's hard to find the right match. But it's harder to get out a relationship that you just settled for.
Dating is trial and error with a lot of emotion invested in it so it's perfectly normal to feel bad when it doesn't work out.
In the meantime, improve yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Believe you'll find the right one and it'll happen.
Just grow some balls and suck it up. Just because she was a Trump supporter doesnt mean she isnt a woman with mental issues. A lot of woman dont likw nive guys. Theu want to get treated like shit and abused so they think they can change you and make you a better man in their image. Why do you think woman stay in abusive relationships and are always trying to change a person?
How long ago was this? You sure she's not playing games? (not that things will end well if she is)
You still have a chance, if you have her on facebook or instagram maybe like one of her posts
You have two problems: "Got myself extremely hyped up to go on a date" means you got ahead of yourself. It happens. The problem, if any, is not your looks or your manner. She saw you and talked to you before you went out. Not all dates pan out. It hurts, and you're feeling awful, but your mind is exaggerating. Allow yourself to cool off.
You aren't meeting enough women. This is key. But there's a new way to do that, which will help with "the election is getting me down" part. Go here: https://theprecinctproject.wordpress.com/, watch this: https://rumble.com/vdmgkl-dan-schultz-on-taking-over-the-gop.html
With something new to do, that involves people compatible with you, and a good cause, your mind will be at ease, and you might feel energized because you are doing something positive.
In case you didn't know, everybody is getting a little fat and stir crazy as a side effect of the covid weirdness. It's time to do something different.
Hey have you ever though that if she's a Trump supporter she might be reading this?
Sounds like you’re not man enough for a Trump gal. Trump gals don’t want a limp wristed liberal. You need to sack the fuck up and get some confidence. Your dick should be entering the room 2 minutes before the rest of your body. Start working out, start lifting, start fucking shit up.
"Your dick should be entering the room 2 minutes before the rest of your body. " im stealing this hahahah I think the guy needs to just build up confidence and fucking relax. Second the weight lifting, gave me huge confidence boost when I started 2 years back.
do not be desperate, dont appear easy to have
Do you exericse?
50 pushups is hot. Don't give up on yourself so easily.
Is your work physically strenuous, and how much time do you have in the morning and night? A couple months ago I split my workout (i do mainly weight lifting) into two chunks, 45 min in the morning and night. Waking up and exercising is a great feeling and a perfect start to the day. You really need to get back in the habit, as it seems as if you are becoming defeatist. Haven't been around long but women do not like the defeatist attitude. You need to rebuild yourself, and its up to you to do so. That's why we are here, is because we believe in personal responsibility. Once you build it back up, they will come again.
Start planning how to do so, now. Right now
the man balds because of his extreme testosterone
God made you bald so you should experiment with how to do the look; you probably have to learn how to embrace it.
You got to start taking some small steps to rebuilding yourself. Also, in my experience, weightlifting gets your minds off things. Energy will compound energy. As much as I like this site, you should try replacing your time on this site with these things.
Start planning, and by God's grace you can turn things around. Don't wait for something to happen, do it.
Shave your fucking dome brother. The first time some says something about your bald head tell them to go fuck themselves. Women love dudes with no hair.
Just shooting straight here brother but 50 hrs a week isn’t shit. If you’re watching any news then turn that shit off. Only put positive in. Eat more fruits, veggies and natural food. Notice I didn’t say organic or vegetarian. The more food that you eat that has one ingredient the better for your body. Also you either need a Vitamin D supplement or a good dose of sunshine because you have the winter blues,
Get a close buzz cut. Guys look so good with buzz cuts.
As for YouTube dating gurus, I've already mentioned Coach Red Pill. I'm older than him but I still enjoy his advice for younger guys on a variety of topics. Another good one is a woman with "Wingmam" in her username. She provides very detailed coaching advice and may provide those viewpoints you're looking for.
I agree with others that dating is a numbers game. You can't let yourself get down for losing a hand or two.
I wish i could meet a MAGA lady. All i get is the occasional hideous bar slut
As another Trump supporting lady, I say this, just call her and leave a message asking if everything is okay and that if something went wrong, you are totally willing to listen to what she has to say. Also send her a text letting her know you really like her and you're hoping that she feels comfortable talking to you and letting you know if she felt bad at anything you said or did.
It REALLY sucks when someone abruptly leaves and doesn't explain and seemingly abandons you.
But...just keep in mind, as someone who's been looking high and low desperately for conservative guys and seemingly found a nice one or two only to get mysteriously ghosted out of the blue when things seemed to be 'fine', none of the political stuff matters if they're shitty at communicating and profoundly inconsiderate.
Unless you grabbed her and groped her or said something explicitly racist or ya know...any such total violation of social conventions/cruelty etc., the other person ought to tell you what's wrong.
Yuck... that's needy beta shit. That's what soyboys do. It never works, but they keep doing it thinking, "She'll see how beautiful I am inside and we'll be star-crossed lovers after she's done banging that jerkass alpha,,, she's just going through a phase, but we're meant for each other."
NOOOO. Put the ball in her court. Make her feel guilty. This guy wants a reason for why it all went to shit. He needs to know. And that's perfectly normal. He wants closure and answers. That's all. This is a way to get answers from her and refuse to submit to HER nasty game of ghosting and abandoning.
He should NOT wait for her AT ALL. Get aggressive but in a polite way to make her reply. Then move on.
SHE is the alpha now. Don't you see?
SHE is the alpha by dumping him mysteriously and leaving him puzzled and bewildered.
He's got to get politely aggressive and let her know 'gently' and politely that she needs to step up and be an adult and speak up and say goodbye like a grown woman.
It went to shit because she already knew she could have him. No challenge. That immediately makes them think, "This guy has nothing going on and probably wants a commitment and he doesn't even know me. I am insecure garbage... he must be desperate."
Who cares? SHE needs to be the one to have to say it! Why should HE be the one to speculate and come up with theories??
What you're saying is ALL theory! Make HER say what's up. Put her in that position. Let her feel uncomfortable. Make HER say it. You're falling into her shit trap by playing HER dumbass game of formulating theories to cope with the mystery.
I feel like you're not responding to what I say. Are you talking to the voices in your head?
I don't give a shit about your feelings lmao. Nobody does. Feelings are not facts. If you're too insecure to ask for any clarification and you choose to deal with your insecurity by lashing out with stupid insults, you're never going to get anywhere.
If you want to be miserable and stagnate, that's your call.
Poor girl. Doesn't know what makes her desire men.
If you think you're a 5/6, then improve your physique.
So .. lemme ask you this. Had/has she ever seen a pic of you before this date? Anything for her to get an indication of your appearance before you both went out tonight? You're saying she and you met at a party, right? So she knew what you looked like?
And she asked you to go on this hypothetical road trip AFTER she saw you, right?
Also, did she mention any others for this road trip, or was it like "you and me should do this thing"?
Also ... what exactly happened at the end when you say "she left"? What happened that was so bad? What about her "leaving" made you think it's all over and she's lost interest?
Who asked whom out? Was this a dinner invitation? Was this a night thing?
Why were you expecting to spend multiple hours with her?
You live a few hours away. Many women would consider this a deal breaker. I would. She may have not had intentions beyond fun/friends bec of this. And when she saw you puppy doggy over her she clammed up and ran away. She wanted to go on a road trip right away indicates friends. Or a sort of reckless free spirit who doesn’t think much. Or someone immature who is a lot of talk and doesn’t intend to follow thru. She could’ve had a stomach ache on the date. But if a lot of time has elapsed with no contact I would say she was trying to disappear. I wouldn’t do anything unless you think she’s a real gem then you could always just send a pic from a road trip (without her) and see if she responds. If she says damn you didn’t take me with then you can go from there. But I’d let her carry the convo other than some small bait to test the waters.
Did you get dinner? What were you guys talking about for the 5 minutes before she bailed?
You got put in the friend zone bruh... you either embrace it or move on to the next... want to avoid that in the future? Perhaps do some self improvement, create a challenge for yourself and get it, exercise more (great stress reliever!). Point is if a girl is really into you she’ll be eager and delighted to keep seeing you. Just do you bruh... don’t go chasing waterfalls.
Unfortunately you gave no details on the very thing you need advice on. Either she wasn't attracted to you, or she was, and you blew it with the dinner conversation/behavior.
Typically, guys show too much interest, so that would be my first guess with zero info to go on.
Did she say she was going home in a way that indicated she never wanted to hear from you again?
Did she text you after she went home?
Did you argue during dinner?
If you recall the dinner, and play it like a movie in your head, you can spot where you went wrong.
Aside from her, start looking for a new job.
Dafuq, who told you that was "cringe"? Nothing cringe-worthy about that at all. Man, who got in your head? This is sad. You do something perfectly normal and nice, and you've been conditioned to feel like you fucked up.
Secondly, so what if she didn't consider it a date and realized that you did? What's so creepy about that? Misunderstandings happen. It's really not a big deal. She can just feel flattered and laugh it off. And she can certainly woman up and clarify that she just wanted to hang out as friends - if that's the case. You don't need to make excuses for her.
You really need to develop the confidence and assertiveness to be direct and ask for clarification when a woman leaves you feeling bewildered.
You should not be in the position of speculating and wondering, and you should ask the source of all the confusion directly to clear things up.
You really need to feel more comfortable being direct and honest with a woman when she leaves you feeling confused.
But how do you know you blew it??
Look...I'll tell you this. IF you did actually really genuinely do something that was 'bad', well, if she tells you what went wrong, you can apologize for it. You can let her know that you acknowledge making a mistake. You could easily get a second chance.
How do you know that your mistake was that you got too excited?? Did you grab her? Touch her? Did you get manic and talk a lot and loudly and not stop talking? Like, what's the evidence that that was the mistake you made?
And finally, just cuz someone looks great, that does NOT make them desirable for a long term relationship. There's not even any guarantee that a hot person is actually that good even in the sack.
You're really viewing yourself as an undesirable person. You gotta get away from your asshole friends and family, man. This is not good for you. It's great to have a hot gf/bf but you gotta be around people who don't treat you like you're some gross uggo.
I don't think this opportunity is anywhere nearly as golden as you think. There's NOTHING so far that you have stated about this woman that indicates anything superior about this woman besides her appearance - which again can be highly subjective.
What's ironic is that all the idiot, stupid men here who are claiming to support you are actually reinforcing your false belief that you did something wrong and that you're inherently inferior to her because of your appearance or your behavior.
Even as they claim to be 'alphas', their fundamental premise is that this woman is a prize and that you're not.
What actually makes her such a prize beyond her appearance and her initial desperation and over-eagerness to 'hang out' with you?
Have you EVER asked yourself that?
Why not?
I mean, Jesus Christ guy ... Do you GENUINELY believe SHE did NOTHING WRONG?
Women don’t just go on a one on one dinner / coffee with a guy they hardly know in a friendly way. They have an interest to see if there could be something more there. She definitely viewed it as something beyond friendly.
At any rate the last thing you want to do is seem desperate. Give it a little while and follow up with her. Let her know that you enjoyed having conversations with her via text and maybe some day you could catch up over coffee or something less formal than dinner.
Don’t quit your job. Continue to crush it. Plenty of women out there, but they want employed men.
Older men are sexy, don’t let that throw you off. Sometimes the chemistry or the timing just isn’t right.
Thanks for the extra info. We can never really know what's going on in a person's mind, and sometimes, the thing they're thinking is something we never would've thought of.
In this case, she might've been horrified by your comment about the drunk friend. I'm just speculating at a possibility, but if the call with the drunk guy was a bad experience for her, she could've taken your comment to mean that it was on your recommendation that he called her.
She could be wondering, wtf would you tell someone to call her like that, and that you meant that she would be great for him.
Maybe it wasn't that. Something definitely changed her view of you though.
Aside from her, which is probably beyond recovery - you should work on that friend-zone problem. If that happens a lot, then you have something to think about because that means you're consistently doing the wrong thing with women you're interested in.
You probably know that it's far better to keep them wondering if you're interested, or how much, than it is to make sure they know. There's no harm in not letting them know (if they're interested in you), but letting them know you're interested in them (too soon or too much) can ruin everything.
You sound like a smart guy, so I'm sure you know this stuff. You just have to remember to stay out of your own head at times like these.
be a man
Been there my dude, just realize that your kind of compounding things right now. You would handle this situation a lot better without all the other situations, and I’m sure you know that. Get back in the hunt and you’ll find what your looking for. Wish I could help with your work situation but that happens too... keep an eye out for a better job, in the meantime at least maybe eliminate the one thing you can control, and ween off politics for a while. We will hold the fort down till you’re ready to get back. You won’t miss anything at this point, just check back in when we’re closer to primaries. I find it healthy to cut back a lot after presidential elections.
Woman are fickle. It is their nature. If there is to be a match it will happen. But I agree do not be too eager, but don't give up entirely, either. You do have to work to impress, this is the plight of the male species.
If you don't think you're good enough - why would she? If you are having thoughts like this, you aren't ready to attract a high quality person yet. You need to work on yourself and increase your self esteem. Good women can sense low self esteem from a mile away and they hate it.
Don't discount the possibility that she's simply out on a food date, a Foodie Call. To make this work, the woman has to convince her so-called dates that she's enough into them to justify some expensive entertainment and food.
When I read your opening description the first thing that came to mind was that she got her belly full and she was ready to go home, mission accomplished. Consider it a lesson learned and I hope you didn't spend too much.
Women on dating sites are often just fishing for walking wallets to pay for expensive vacations and nice dinners. One for Thursday, another one lined up for Friday.
For you, OP. A song. Perception and perspective.
Hard Core Poetry - Tavares
she probably thought you were too ugly for her, serious, it is what it is
Humphrey Bogart was not good-looking or funny or even charming, yet he was one of the most attractive leads of his time because he exuded confidence and determination. If you think it's too late to develop these qualities, then why not just seek someone who's feeling as down as you are and be each other's support and lift each other up? Then you can be you and not have anxiety about failure to impress.
Dude don't listen to that guy. This is awful. Jesus Christ. I never thought I'd say this but sometimes women are soooo much nicer. Fuck, dude. Just stop with this 'I'm so ugly compared to her' nonsense. Jesus Christ. Just disregard that shit. It's BAD for you.