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Comments (226)
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411
AmishMachinist 411 points ago +414 / -3

Don't tell them a fucking thing, they'll nail you for lying to a fed. If they come knocking get their card and tell them you'll have your lawyer contact them.

180
TaxDollarsHardAtWork 180 points ago +180 / -0

This is the proper train of thought. Ask them if you're being detained under arrest. If yes; ask for a lawyer. If no; "Have a nice day!"

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NullifyAndSecede 78 points ago +80 / -2

Better to ask "Why are you detaining me?"

Then tell them to get off your property.

38
Hanging_Chad 38 points ago +39 / -1

"Why are you detaining me?"

Just a routine, door-to-door Terry stop

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catvideos3 18 points ago +18 / -0

They have to state specific and articulate facts about the crime they are investigating and why they are related to you.... or something. I am not a lawyer

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ReticulatingSplines 17 points ago +22 / -5

Turn it around: interview them about FBl’s own terrørist activities. Ask them if they were involved. Tell them it’s their chance to come clean. Ask them where they were when certain events occurred. Tell them if they lie that we’ll eventually find out. Tell them they’re not in trouble yet.

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catvideos3 30 points ago +30 / -0

Don’t say shit to the cops:

Am I being detained, or am I free to go?

If you are being detained:

“I want to speak to my lawyer.”

11
based_trekkie 11 points ago +12 / -1

Won't work, the whole 302 fiasco with Flynn showed they no longer have any accountability at all WHATSOEVER!

11
Dimensia89 11 points ago +11 / -0

No, they do not. They can lie to you about what they are doing and why they are there. As a courtesy if they ask you who you are, and what you are currently doing, which is self evident since they are at your door if you are at home then answer that, and no more. They have decided whether or not they were going to arrest you before they even arrived. They need to talk to you when and only if you have a lawyer present.

1
CapitalP 1 point ago +1 / -0

Richard jewel

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Purple_Drank 7 points ago +7 / -0

They came to drax-them-sklounst

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ChelseaHubbell 5 points ago +6 / -1

That's how you get your dog shot

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IroWide 7 points ago +8 / -1

That's how they start a freakin war.

3
ChelseaHubbell 3 points ago +3 / -0

Randy would like a word with you

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cornfedandconfused 39 points ago +40 / -1

"AM I BEING DETAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!" "I AM A TRAVELER!" "REEEEEEEEEE"

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deleted 19 points ago +19 / -0
12
doug2 12 points ago +12 / -0

I'm a traveler? Freemason code words wont even save ya here

19
Pirate_Lafitte 19 points ago +19 / -0

Don't even play that game. "Detained" isn't "arrested" and is creep in their power that shouldn't be allowed or tolerated. Don't even answer the door if they're just knocking. Do that, and you just might get yourself detained without actually being arrested. If they are there to arrest you, they will give you fair warning that is what they are there for, and then you should open the door (or they'll do it for you) . But don't say anything other than han requesting a lawyer.

1
iaintgottimetobleed 1 point ago +1 / -0

If they come to arrest you, they'll arrive at 3:00AM, break through the door paramilitary style and point an AR15 at your face.

2
PapaPepe 2 points ago +2 / -0

Sometimes it's at 6am with CNN camera crews

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deleted 7 points ago +7 / -0
1
cuntard 1 point ago +1 / -0

i’m not that kind of guy!

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deleted 4 points ago +26 / -22
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1Bimbo 8 points ago +8 / -0

Ok glowie. Don’t fucking come here saying bullshit like that.

3
LessAndLessIronic 3 points ago +3 / -0

He said not to murder the nice FBI agents. He's good.

2
Potsie_Ramirez 2 points ago +2 / -0

He forgot to say “in Minecraft” so he’s probably headed to the Gulag.

1
deleted 1 point ago +2 / -1
1
Potsie_Ramirez 1 point ago +1 / -0

Edgy.

1
Potsie_Ramirez 1 point ago +1 / -0

What kind of moronic thing is that to say? We don’t threaten cops here. If they come to your house you don’t let them in and you refuse to answer questions. Your comment is irresponsible at best and illegal and highly stupid at worst. Reported comment.

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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Potsie_Ramirez 1 point ago +1 / -0

You know what you did. We don’t advocate for violence against law enforcement. Don’t act like that’s not what you were doing.

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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deleted 0 points ago +2 / -2
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GameOnGlobalists 75 points ago +75 / -0

For the millionth time.

Don't talk to the police.

Ever.

25
1A2A 25 points ago +25 / -0

Also, don’t link YouTube!!

https://www.bitchute.com/video/6YD1GzxsCzmw/

5
based_trekkie 5 points ago +5 / -0

EVER

and singe it bears repeating....

EVER!!!!!

0
muslimporn 0 points ago +1 / -1

I have a black friend who attended a counter protest against a BLM riot getting between them and the things they wanted to vandalise.

A week later the police turned up at his door. They tried to get in but he said no. He asked them what it was all about. They said that they knew he was around then threatened him alluding to all kinds of offences and non-offences in connection with his presence such as it not being in the spirit of COVID, a breach of the peace, hate crime and an ominous warning that the terrorism act gave them unlimited powers.

My friend responded something like this...

"Mate I'm a black supremacist. White people are going extinct init. It's all good. I don't need to do nothing. Why would I be there? Why risk it? Just let it happen. Don't touch anything. Leave it as it is."

The cops demeanour changed immediately. "Right you are your lordship."

They apologised profusely, gave him a fist bump, said long live Sadiq Khan, said if he needs anything to call, they had a large quantity of goods (cocaine) stolen from the black community that they'd be more than happy to return to rightful owner and then left. They mused that they wish they could get out of his hair quicker and if only there were a faster way to die out.

A young female officer turned up later that night at the door blushing and said "I'm your biggest fan." and that she wanted more than anything else in the world to pay her reparations. He let her in that time. She did everything instructed of her each time answering with "Yes master." and "Your willy is my command." She paid her dues.

The moral of the story is that you can never predict what it is you'll have to say to get the cops off your back. If you think you know how to talk to cops you're playing a very dangerous game.

36
InsectOverlord 36 points ago +36 / -0

While openly recording them on video with your phone.

5
Guruchild 5 points ago +5 / -0

If you’re on my property, you’re on an open mic and a dozen cameras already.

6
LostViking1985 6 points ago +7 / -1

Not sure if security freak or home porn studio...

4
SaltiTaralli 4 points ago +4 / -0

Why not both?

2
Overkillengine 2 points ago +2 / -0

Gotta have records in case of #meetoo years later.

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Shmioighan 20 points ago +21 / -1

Also, don't let them inside if you are detained and they have no warrant. Step outside, even if its cold.

I'd be so tempted to just say "I'm not answering any questions" and then respond to everything they say with a question, any question. Get weird, get personal, get frivolous.

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nutup_orshutup 6 points ago +6 / -0

And close the door. Do Not let them look inside or they might see something to use that will get them inside.

3
iaintgottimetobleed 3 points ago +3 / -0

These people are not there to make friends withj you.

2
Grifter42 2 points ago +2 / -0

Do you have any tendies?!?! REEEEE!

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jubyeonin 19 points ago +19 / -0

This. Also keep it as short as possible. None of that "let me see the evidence" or anything like that. Just ask if you're officially being detained and say you will get a lawyer before answering any more questions.

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BoltBoltBoltBolt90 135 points ago +137 / -2

Bad pin by mods, they will fuck you up because they'll catch you lying to the feds. All you need to say is "I'd like to speak to my lawyer"

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neoPede 25 points ago +26 / -1

This

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deleted 17 points ago +18 / -1
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cuntard 6 points ago +6 / -0

but i’m just a drug dealer nursing student...

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ColbyP 4 points ago +4 / -0

Right? What are all these "suggestions" people keep giving for dealing with cops at the door? If someone knocks on your door and you didn't order pizza in the last hour, don't open the door.

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Wearyman 2 points ago +2 / -0

In fairness, I have friends and church members drop by all the time. Also, the UPS driver rings the bell or knocks after dropping off a package. So I have people unexpectedly knocking on my door often.

I don't have a door camera either, so I can't tell without at least looking out the window. (I know, I should get one. But want to get one that won't be usable as a spy camera for the feds over the internet. and won't track my coming and going. Tall order these days.)

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LessAndLessIronic 4 points ago +4 / -0

So, if I already don't answer my door because I am a shut in and loving the hell out of this pandemic excuse... then just keep doing that right?

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1A2A 9 points ago +10 / -1

MODS NEED TO STICKY THIS PERMANENTLY!!!!! https://www.bitchute.com/video/6YD1GzxsCzmw/ These FAGGOT KGB FUCKS are coming after us!

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deleted 0 points ago +1 / -1
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1A2A 1 point ago +1 / -0

Haha, solid advice, buddy. You sound intelligent.

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spezholio 2 points ago +2 / -0

Would this technique work?

1
Husky 1 point ago +1 / -0

There's been a lot of that since.. the incident.

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deleted 0 points ago +1 / -1
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PotatoJoe 75 points ago +76 / -1

Tell them their entire organization is corrupt and to fuck off. If they persist request a lawyer, then tell them to fuck off.

But mostly tell them to fuck off

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ConstitutionNailedIt 11 points ago +11 / -0

🤣

54
Trumperette1 54 points ago +55 / -1

Tell them you were enjoying pizza and artwork at Planet Pizza.

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mechdork 21 points ago +21 / -0

don't forget to mention how yummy the walnut sauce was too

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deleted 11 points ago +11 / -0
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doug2 7 points ago +7 / -0

Got the mental gymnastics lefties employee to explain that one away still baffle me to this day

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deleted 5 points ago +5 / -0
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Trumperette1 4 points ago +4 / -0

Yes. "Move on. Nothing to see here. That's been debunked."

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based_trekkie 3 points ago +3 / -0

DE BOOONKED!!!

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doug2 3 points ago +3 / -0

Best I got was a Google image search of handkerchiefs with little pizzas embroidered on them

1
UndercoverInCA 1 point ago +1 / -0

What kinda pizza?

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South_Florida_Guy 48 points ago +48 / -0

If the FBI shows up at your door be careful because they will try to suck your dick because they're all faggots.

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deleted 7 points ago +7 / -0
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deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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MAGA_Centurion 1 point ago +2 / -1

kek

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CanadaDidPearlHarbor 36 points ago +36 / -0

Or tell them you thought you saw a garage pulley in your neighbor’s (liberal neighbor) garage

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Ssoul [S] 20 points ago +20 / -0

That will get FBI swat called in. So def make for better entertainment.

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lefty295 10 points ago +10 / -0

You might end up getting your house drone striked if you do that.

3
jubyeonin 3 points ago +3 / -0

"Infant sized noose". Don't ever call it a pull.

36
CommunismIsForLosers 36 points ago +36 / -0

"Do you have a warrant?"

--> If no, "Have a nice day" (Shut door)

--> If yes, "I'd like to speak to my lawyer" (Say nothing)

11
MasterChef 11 points ago +11 / -0

This is the most correct answer here. Tell them to get the hell of your lawn if they don't have a warrant

4
PatriotGames21 4 points ago +5 / -1

What if you don't have a lawyer? Just say it anyways and then whip out the yellow pages?

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CommunismIsForLosers 7 points ago +7 / -0

(You have a right to a lawyer if you can't afford one)

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TrumpWonBigly2020 6 points ago +6 / -0

99.9% of people don't have a lawyer on retainer. If you say you refuse to talk without one it means you get the chance to hire one. Doesn't matter if you're a billionaire with a $500/hour lawyer on retainer or if you have to find one.

1
cuntard 1 point ago +1 / -0

yes

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Cantshadowbanthemall 33 points ago +33 / -0

Lol you don't let them in

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crazychicken132 19 points ago +19 / -0

This 200%, never invite them in.

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BallsackPaneer 4 points ago +4 / -0

Ask Mr. Carson to take their card and to bid them a good fucking off.

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deleted 7 points ago +7 / -0
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CrashXXL 2 points ago +3 / -1

Lol keep posting this. Everyone needs to see it.

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yellowandrose 25 points ago +25 / -0

i'm going to tell them it's none of their fucking business where i go

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dixond 25 points ago +25 / -0

DON'T LIE TO THE FEDS - DON'T SPEAK TO THEM AT ALL

"I AM EXERCISING MY RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT"

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GlobalUnity 21 points ago +23 / -2

Ummm … that is not a good strategy. If they want to abuse their tyrannical power … which they always will want to … they will pinch you on lying to a federal agent.

Here's what you tell them … "You are a traitor to the American people acting like you are not. Now fuck off!"

11
doug2 11 points ago +11 / -0

I mean to say "I was supporting blm" can't really be shown as a lie... just say you were undercover if they bust out the pic of you in maga gear lol.

(This is not legal advice and I'm a retard)

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deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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Spez_Isacuck 20 points ago +21 / -1

Lying to the FBI is a federal felony. See: LtGen Michael Flynn

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based_trekkie 9 points ago +9 / -0

Except Flynn didn't really lie to them either...

Remember the FBI can fudge their 302s and FUCKING GET AWAY WITH IT!!!

Best Strategy is NOT TALK WITHOUT A LAWYER PRESENT!!! ...

CORRECTION... DO NOT TALK WITHOUT A GOOD TRUSTED LAWYER PRESENT!

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Spez_Isacuck 2 points ago +3 / -1

Exactly.

15
45willwinagain 15 points ago +15 / -0

DO NOT LIE TO THE FBI

It's not like lying to a cop, it's a federal crime and they will use it to screw you...

It's how they screwed flynn, it's how they screwed martha stewart back in the day.

Your best course of action is to have a lawyer present and don't answer questions.

Tell them nothing.

"My lawyer has advised me to tell you that I don't answer questions without a lawyer present"

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EMP2024 9 points ago +9 / -0

Instructions unclear. Lied about having a lawyer.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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45willwinagain 2 points ago +2 / -0

never give them an excuse to fuck with you more.

as good as it would feel to say that, because it's 100% correct, doing so only gives them the reason to screw with you more than they already are.

"i need my lawyer here before i talk to you" doesn't give them any ammo, it forces them to sorta respect your play and bow out.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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45willwinagain 1 point ago +1 / -0

honestly it's best to just keep repeating the "i won't talk without a lawyer" schtick.

it can't get you in trouble, they can't infer anything from it, they can't even really take it personally if you deliver it right... they just have to respect the play and honor it.

I would love to tell them all kinds of go fuck yourselves but it's not about saying what you want to say it's about saying what will save your ass.

play it smart.

you can go on youtube and see hidden cam vids of people getting interviewed by the FBI, and you can see how they always start with "i'm your friend i'm your buddy this is just a formality, this is just our job to do this you understand...

it's all a tactic to get you to open up and talk and incriminate yourself

say nothing and they have nothing

think about it this way... if they had ANYTHING they wouldn't be interviewing you... they are interviewing you in hopes that you will give them something.

fuck that.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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45willwinagain 1 point ago +1 / -0

They are good at it for sure, good on you for keeping your head clear and head fucking them right back... i just think the best general advice for most is to not try to outsmart the people who've been trained to outsmart you... and just stick to the schtick i outlined.

i know a lot of people who've been screwed over by talking to cops or feds

took me a lot of years to learn that you should just never speak to any law enforcement at all, ever. if you are sitting across a table from them they are not your friend.

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deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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247MAGA 2 points ago +2 / -0

Is that only if you're being interviewed or interrogated? Like, is it true in an informal setting? Like u pass an fbi agent and he says "how's it going?" And you say "great!" But you're lying- is that a crime? What if you're married to an fbi agent, or your parent is one, can u never lie to them?

2
45willwinagain 2 points ago +2 / -0

i don't know... all i know is you can lie to cops and there's not a fucking thing they can do about it, but if you lie to the FBI they WILL use it to fuck you over.

...well... even that isn't entirely true. in some states it's illegal to lie to cops... specifically if you provide a false name and DOB when legally ask. They still have to have a valid reason or RAS (reasonable articulatable suspicion) of a crime that you either already committed, are committing, or are about to commit... but even that isn't true in some states. Check your "stop and ID" laws that will be particular to your state, state laws vary quite a bit on this issue.

anyway when it comes to the FBI, lots of people get caught up in this particular brand of governmental fuckery.

it's called a "perjury trap" and they love to nudge people into it.

like they will have a piece of evidence that they know you don't know they have (because they went digging into your phone or your web history)... and then ask you 47 questions about it hoping to catch you lying.

they do this so they can hang federal time over your head to leverage you into giving them something you don't want to give. like cooperation in one of their witch hunts or they might even use it to force you into being an undercover... thus risking your life to further their case under threat of jail time.

it's extortion but it's "legal" so never give them anything, don't even tell them your fucking name.

"my lawyer has advised me to tell you that i don't answer questions without a lawyer present"

at least with your own lawyer in the room the attorney will be able to advise you on what you should or shouldn't answer... but make sure to get a lawyer... the feds can probably hit you with obstruction if you refuse to cooperate, but they can't do shit if you are asking for legal representation before the conversation continues.

1
Mitschu 1 point ago +1 / -0

What if you're married to an FBI agent and they lie to you?

What if two FBI agents get married and lie to each other during the vows?

1
LessAndLessIronic 1 point ago +1 / -0

FBI agents aren't allowed to marry. I mean, they can try, but basically only people being paid by foreign governments will fuck them consensually.

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rcaskrenz 12 points ago +12 / -0

Above all else don't tell them this, OP is just trying to get you the michael flynn treatment for lying to the FBI

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goldkeyboardwarrior 9 points ago +9 / -0

They won't believe you. They know that BLM and Antifa were told to stand down on the sixth (other than the ones dressed in Trump gear as agitators) so the media could dedicate 100% of the coverage of that day on the people entering the capital and if you were really part of BLM you would have received the message.

9
YoLLamaIsSoFat 9 points ago +9 / -0

Tell them to apologize for Waco and to fuck off.

8
AlexLucian 8 points ago +8 / -0

Never talk to any type of law enforcement without an attorney. It’s your right. Exercise it!

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deleted 7 points ago +8 / -1
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HoppyHap 6 points ago +6 / -0

The first thing they will attempt to do is make you feel comfortable answering questions. We are not here to arrest you or would have already arrested you. FBI favorite come on. Never invite them into your home. Politely tell them that you will not answer any questions without an attorney present. Leave me your card and I will have an attorney contact you for the interview. Thank you and have a great day. Do NOT be wishy-washy and say something like maybe I need to contact an attorney. If they continue to press be firm and state once again that you demand to have an attorney throughout the entire interview. As previously stated please leave me your card and I will have an attorney arrange the interview. Have a great day.

6
ouvrez_les_yeux 6 points ago +6 / -0

No, you don't say anything. Are you under arrest? No. Buh-bye. Save your "owning them" for later in a fanfic. Is not worth it, and they're not worth it.

6
Flptplt 6 points ago +6 / -0

Anyone who still believes the system is going to work for conservatives.......we are finished in America. The left is ruthless. They have consolidated power

1
iaintgottimetobleed 1 point ago +1 / -0

I don't think they have consolidated power yet. Looks more like they are moving fast now, very aggressively, to finally grab it all. This is the moment when we either push back, or bend over.

1
Flptplt 1 point ago +1 / -0

Historically the right has always bent over......and there are no signs of that changing

6
bluebahloo 6 points ago +6 / -0

Lying to the FBI is going to get you in a van.

2
Genericwhitemale 2 points ago +2 / -0

Side of beef has entered the chat

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deleted 5 points ago +5 / -0
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leakmouth 5 points ago +5 / -0

(Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Michael Flynn have all entered the chatroom)

4
Hoshi 4 points ago +4 / -0

You can show them a democrat video of them threatening Trump supporters and say you are happy you found them and you would like to report a threat

4
PlateOwner 4 points ago +4 / -0

Or just call them racist.

LoL!

4
Hangemh1gh 4 points ago +4 / -0

If you lie to them it's a Federal offense. If they lie to you they are just doing their jobs. Be smart and ask yourself what would The Donald do? Lawyer up kid.

4
Chickenbaconpoutine 4 points ago +4 / -0

Never, ever, ever talk to any LE without a lawyer present. It's been posted a lot lately but it bears posting again, if you've never watched this video, it's worth your time. Taking 25mins now could save you years inside.

https://youtu.be/d-7o9xYp7eE

Or if you need it said more succinctly:

https://youtu.be/RkN4duV4ia0?t=14

4
Choppermagic 4 points ago +4 / -0

Just whisper "Hail Hydra". At this point, the FBI are outright supervillans.

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Thomas1963-1967 4 points ago +4 / -0

Never lie to the FBI. EVER.

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doug2 3 points ago +3 / -0

We sure are scared of the FBI

1
Thomas1963-1967 1 point ago +1 / -0

We should be afraid of any government entity that has unbridled and corrupt power. Schumer said it best to the President of the United States, President Trump, I paraphrase 'they will come at you 17 ways fro Sunday', and they did. If they weren't afraid of the President, they sure aren't afraid of you and me. Therefore, we should be afraid of them.

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jrgreen73 3 points ago +3 / -0

Bad idea. The FBI loves to destroy the lives of conservatives by charging them with process crimes...such as lying to the FBI about something as silly as where you were and what you were doing while other people were breaking the law.

1
based_trekkie 1 point ago +1 / -0

Dan Bongino: Remember for the left, The PROCESS is the PUNISHMENT!!!

3
OneBigMaga 3 points ago +3 / -0

Me: American flag shirt, hat, manly (not gay hipster) beard.

"Uh, yeah, I was there with blm. I'm deep cover"

1
Destineed369 1 point ago +1 / -0

*taps nose and winks

2
based_trekkie 2 points ago +2 / -0

A better question is....

"How do I report my libtard neighbors to the FBI as going to the Jan 6th rally?"

And an even better follow up is:

"How do I do that anonymously?"

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1PeopleCorporation 2 points ago +2 / -0

Ask to see the warrant. If no warrant notify them that they are trespassing.

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Apersonofinterest 2 points ago +2 / -0

Now take a knee and get out of my house!

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tdwinner2020 2 points ago +2 / -0

Tell them only that you plead the fifth and demand a lawyer, then shut the fuck up.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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pray4peace4 2 points ago +2 / -0

No. You don't lie to the FBI unless you want to get prosecuted. The best thing to do whenever approached by the FBI is to tell them you will not talk to them nor answer any of their questions.

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McPickle 2 points ago +2 / -0

If you were inside, just say you identify as a trans Senator.

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SFSilentNoMore 2 points ago +2 / -0

In real life:

Especially if you Back the Blue NEVER Speak to a Police Officer will make this its own post https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-7o9xYp7eE&t=1329s

2
VaPnut 2 points ago +2 / -0

Don't tell them shit.

2
Minn2000 2 points ago +2 / -0

What's the law in regards to telling them, and I quote, to "fuck off"?

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hiddensfinger 2 points ago +2 / -0

No warrant no entry

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Handshakemilk 2 points ago +2 / -0

I would just call them derogatory slurs

1
EMP2024 1 point ago +1 / -0

Faggoty Butt-Buddy Institute

1
EMP2024 1 point ago +1 / -0

Fat Bald & Ignorant

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Dirkstruan313 2 points ago +2 / -0

The alphabet groups are filled with traitors and always have been. Remember Ruby Ridge. They'll kill you without a second thought. Don't talk to them at all.

2
Peppers 2 points ago +2 / -0

Call the local police immediately. Tell them "there is an armed person I believe is pretending to be an FBI agent, to get entry to me home. I am scared, they are armed, and they want access to me home"

1
bringbackthe80s 1 point ago +1 / -0

They would probably want to stay and play with colorbooks and play-doh.

1
TravlingThr0ugh 1 point ago +1 / -0

Don’t say anything!

1
GEhrets 1 point ago +1 / -0

Just tell them to go shit in their hat.

1
holytrpbatman 1 point ago +1 / -0

Fully Informed Jury Association. Fija.org. Learn it, motherfuckers.