I use to be like you. Asleep to what was really going on around me. Lost in the matrix. I too thought that Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight" was a conspiracy song about seeing a man let a woman drown or something like that (Ted Kennedy?), but now my eyes have been open. I don't know why I didn't see it before. It's so obvious. The song is about sharting. Go ahead, and look at these lyrics, and tell me this song isn't about sharting.

In The Air Tonight I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord Well, if you told me you were drowning I would not lend a hand I've seen your face before my friend But I don't know if you know who I am Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget, It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show But the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me And I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord Well, I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord I can feel it in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord But I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord, oh Lord

Do you see it? Poor Phil thought he had a fart, so he let it rip. Only it wasn't an ordinary fart. It was a shart.

I can feel it coming in the air [he's about to rip one] oh lord [ that's the fear from a bad experience (is it just a fart or a shart?)] And I've been waiting for- this moment for all my life [Phil had something big going on. A date, an important meeting, his first big concert and it all got screwed up by a shart ] If you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand [ clearly letting you know this isn't something you can just wave away with your hand. This is something that needs to be flushed.] I was there I saw what you did [ got some streaks in his underwear ] you can wipe off that grin [ referring of course to the vertical smile (aka butt crack) that now needs to be wiped ] it's all been a pack of lies [ feels like a fart , but it's not ] I remember don't worry how could I ever forget [ you'll never forget a public sharting] It's the first time, the last time we ever met [ double meaning - Phil won't be fooled by another shart. Every since that day Phil has held in every single fart. Also a shart on a date is probably the last time you'll ever see that person again. ] I know the reason why you keep your silence up [ sharting is awkward. When you know someone probably just shit themselves, what do you say? It's weird. You just pretend it didn't happen. ] no you don't fool me , the hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows, it's no stranger to you and me [ if you've have sharted you learn to decipher the tell tell signs - you feel that pressure on the stomach you can feel something is building up, you can feel it coming in the air. ]