Edit it, add to it, post it in the comments. Let's work shop it until it is perfect. I will do up some stationery. It seems any idiot can start making proclamations. Sooooo...

From the desk of The Official Unofficial Patriots Win Informal Non-Governmental Dis-Organization

Dear,

Your activities have been identified as subversive to American Constitutional Republican ideals. You are a tarantula. It is possible you may be unaware of this egregious breach of public and patriotic trust. We the Pedes believe it is in the interest of all to bring this activity to your attention so you may have the opportunity to resolve it.

Our Constitution provides us with certain unalienable rights, including the right to shit-post, parody, and honk our great horns. We must exercise these rights to protect the value and quality of this great nation.

Despite our impressive length, we are a nimble navigator, and some can be highly venomous. As quick as lightning, just like the tarantula we peacefully and patriotically dispatch, the Pede has two curved hollow fangs which inject peaceful and patriotic venom.

As such, we caustically and vitriolically request that you immediately discontinue activity that undermines and subverts the gleaming rights protected in these great lands. Please respond quickly and publicly to let the Pedes know that you will cease and desist from further collectivist poopery.

We will accept your remorseful apology and welcome you to the purple mountains majesty of freedom. If you ignore this dire exclamation of intense disapproval, you may be the subject to further notice with greater disapproval including language that may hurt your feelings.

We hope this issue can be resolved peacefully and patriotically and we can avoid cranking up the shit cannons of freedom.

Sincerely,