Before I dive into my past, please trust that i intend no harm to anyone. I fear confrontation on all levels. I have absolutely zero intent to call for violence in any form. I am not afraid of the violence necessary in self defense, nor defense of family, or defense in all forms. But offensive force of a violent nature is inherently, and completely horrific to me and should be avoided at all costs. Having said that, hear me out. Father forgive me. I care not for anyone, beyond my knowledge of you. My children are innocent, my wife is only above my children (in that they would not exist without her and i), I love them, as much as I can (in that I do for them all that I do) on this mortal plain. I was raised in a military household. I made friends, but learned quickly, at least in my experience, that people come and go. I learned not to give too much emotion to passing persons in my life. No emotional connection for me has lasted, save for my parents, brother, wife, and children, beyond a phone call or two, in an attempt at lasting friendship. Before you pity me, understand that I have welcomed this myself, the lack of emotional attachment, and only recently have I learned to care for those around me greater than I have cared for myself (or rather seemed to care for myself when the truth was, i cared for nothing). My grand parents showed their love in their way, all are gone now, without so much as a phone call from me to my aunts and uncles. When my mother told me when (they all left at separate times and different ways) and how they passed, I prayed earnestly and honestly, that I will see them again, but I shed not even a tear. There is no real emotion present in my mind. It's not a coldness, not a feeling if joy, just nothing. I could say that it hurts to lose someone. But that would not be true, as I have not lost anyone close to me, as of yet. I hear songs about sons and dads, they make me cry. But that's it. Are people like me more prepared for what is coming? Emotionally. The loss of human life is a statistic to me. I am a bible believing Christian. I know there is more beyond what we see. I feel It to the core of my being. I have read everything i can get my hands on concerning the archaeological, anthropological, documented history of the world as it concerns biblical history, both old and new testament, and I am convinced. I know it is true. Yet i feel that my capacity for compassion does not exist. I can reason for or against any topic i choose. Playing both honest Christian, and devil's advocate, depending on the direction of the arguement. I am no where near a master at this, even when I feel more than competently knowledgeable on a given subject. I try to keep in mind the the histories of the world I have exposed myself to, and reasonable arguements both secular and theological, yet always leaning on God's wisdom where my personal conclusions might lay. There is a persecution coming. Of a political nature: having what seems, and may only seem at this point, a complete lack of compassion for individual human beings, am I as prepared, more prepared or less, than those that honestly have an emotional empathy for their fellow man? Of a religious persecution: I will gladly line up for the gallows or guillotine, with a smile on my face, knowing I am going to meet my creator. On this I feel no doubt. Frens, i pray we all find that which will fill that hole in our heart. I have. His name was written on my heart at the beginning of time.

Fear not. This is not me dooming. Just a semi stream of consciousness. Thoughts? I will respond as I can.