This is what they want. If you are willing to throw your life away, why not throw your entire life at destroying them instead? Is it not them that make you feel this way? Imagine the feeling of absolute glory, resolve, and self-realization in tearing everything that they hold dear from their greedy hands and leveling their institutions, rending their elaborate machinations.

Let your sadness fester into anger and use the fire to power the drive to bring mountains down upon their heads. The rods from god are you.