Babylon Bee: Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
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I heard the Last Supper was deemed a super spreader event
Yeah, and worse they didn't have masks
Sin can survive on metal surfaces for up to 3 days?!
Only if a TV is left on. Dies after 2 days of no media
I heard it was that Judas guy that turned them in.
The original Karen. ;-)
The original Mike Pence
hOw dArE yOu
Jesus never social-distanced from the lepers.
That’s a very good point! I think I need to make a T-shirt...
They say it's still spreading even to this day!
It’s proven to be very resilient over the last 2000 years. Just keeps spreading.
The Bee always gets it right!
Yep, this one really made me smile.........Just can't keep a Good Man down.
It managed to be really hard hitting, funny as hell and not in the least offensive to this Christian (double thumbs up!)
I think Babylon Bee is a Christian site, so it would be odd if they were deliberately disrespectful to Christians.
Had no idea as to the Faith of those behind the Bee. It figures that they would be fellow followers.
They're definitely Christian. Even from their Wikipedia entry:
"The Babylon Bee is a conservative Christian news satire website that publishes satirical articles on religion, politics, current events, and well-known public figures. It has been referred to in the media as a Christian, evangelical, or conservative version of The Onion."
Now I love the Bee even more! They have a terrific batting average and this zinger went out of the Stadium. Have a blessed Easter and may we all grow in our faith. Amen.
I'm athiest and that one got a huge laugh from me. Post of the day
The time is short friend. My recommendation to you is to reject the dogma but accept the man.
I'm a decent human being. I know morally what's right and wrong. I lead a good life. While I don't subscribe to any religion, I'm accepting of any religion that doesn't condone violence in it's name. Sadly Christanity isn't innocent. It had inner wars just because one sect didn't like what the other believes. I need more proof, not just blind faith that there is a God or there was a Jesus. You might say that's the whole point. Faith. I've seen too much evil in the world to belive God would allow these things to happen. So I lost my faith. I also went through some personal issues that made me lose the path
God does not intervene in the human/physical realm. It up to us to decide good or evil - selfless or selfish. We have been left with the choice to help our brothers and sisters or not. The decision you make will affect the future path of your soul. That's my take friend : )
It made me laugh out loud.
He's not there. He is risen.
I always thought that was grammatically incorrect.
Jesus defeated death, surely He can defeat grammar rules. After all, He is the son of God, who says "I am the Word."
You gotta admit though, sending a kid to Catholic school and teaching him "I am who am" in one class and then teaching him proper English grammar in another is a stress on his faith.
Before Abraham was, I am
it's actually "I am that I am"
My point is they didn't teach us that, or what it meant, or how to think it through.
ah, gotcha, my mistake.
and of course they wouldn't.
Most schools and churches don't actually "teach" they indoctrinate.
I don't hate them or anything, nor do I mean ALL of them, but it's there.
If one fails to see that 'the church' is -and always has been- nothing but an indoctrination unit (just like the one our current 'globalists' are blatantly orchestrating), one needs to .. look again. 'The church' is distracting us from the real GOD ad the immense powers within, in a frustratingly recognizeable manner. I do NOT hate all the great, fantastic people who invest themselves and their (human) resources in their local houses of worship.
I yam what I yam - Popeye.
Came here to say that.
nice try, but the actual full phrase is "I yam what I yam, and thats all what I yam!"
Source: my childhood
Fortunately, you don't have to circle back for this one.
Its context is the encounter of the burning bush (Exodus 3:14): Moses asks what he is to say to the Israelites when they ask what God ['Elohiym] has sent him to them, and YHWH replies, "I am who I am", adding, "Say this to the people of Israel, 'I am has sent me to you.'" ’Ehyeh is the first person form of hayah, "to be", and owing to the peculiarities of Hebrew grammar means "I am", "I was", and "I will be".] The meaning of the longer phrase ’ehyeh ’ăšer ’ehyeh is debated, and might be seen as a promise ("I will be with you") or as statement of incomparability ("I am without equal").
In other words (no pun intended), the statement doesn't match English grammar, because it is spoken in Hebrew and follows Hebrew grammar rules. Furthermore with those few words, God isn't just saying "I am", but saying "I am", "I was" and "I will be." God is saying that He is without equal and that He will be there with you - that "you" being with Moses, with Abraham, with David, with the apostles, with all of His believers.
It would be an especially fitting message for Easter, as Jesus showed us that He will always be with us, even death could not take Him away or defeat Him.
Yep. And I understand that now, decades later, and it's still hard to wrap my brain around. How many have we lost along the way due to terrible translations and lack of empathy for those who didn't just believe without understanding?
There's a mistranslation I wish I could find again.
When I was young, I recall reading that God knew the name of every sparrow that fell. I can readily find various translations that God knows every sparrow that falls to the ground MATTHEW 10:29
https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Matthew%2010%3A29
In my mind, I know that the incorrect version I remember still has the correct essence (as God knows every detail about everything), but as a child the idea that God cared for every bird enough that they had names was something that really struck home to me. Maybe it was along the lines the concept of a some random fish vs a fish with a name, which was like a pet -an animal loved and cared for.
Although it’s true that God cares for every animal that falls to the ground, never forget that he gave man dominion over the animals and that is why he allowed Adam to choose the names of each animal.
The very concept of this is why I get so angry at people who don’t care properly for animals.
As an animal lover, I find this really beautiful.
Interesting. Also sounds like a clever and terse way to express transcendence.
I was is in reference to _____.
Same thing. God's statement in Hebrew translates as "I was/I am/I will be."
Not trying to argue but I thought "I was" referenced the tempter. The one that steals, kills, and destroys.
Just don't feel like bringing up it's name on Easter.
If God says it's grammatically correct, who are we to argue?
It's a French or Latin structure I think, used to be a lot more common. Technically "He has risen" would be incorrect if you're talking about his present state.
Hilarious
I like how the crime scene tape has Latin writing.
Had to go back and check - you're right, that's another layer of funny.
missed that, so I had a second kek
He's incited a resurrection!
You nailed it!
send resume to the bee, guys!
I like that they made the effort to put Latin on the yellow tape.
Yes, I got a warning on my phone to BOLO. That means be on the lookout for you newbies. I shall not turn him in, however. He seems like a nice man so I will do my best to shelter him. But that's me.
Jesus would be called anti-Semitic for his repeated criticism of banks and money-lenders
Ain’t that the truth!!!
https://babylonbee.com/news/roman-authorities-investigating-jesus-for-violating-stay-in-tomb-order
This is gold!!
I wonder how long the writer sat on this joke, just waiting for Easter.
It must have been eating them alive!
I love the Bee but isn't ineo in the first person singular, as in "I enter", so the whole thing means "crime scene, I do not enter"?
This is "Romanes eunt domus" stuff, people!
So correct would be the imperative plural inite, I presume?
"All y'all, do not enter" 👍
probably correct. I didn't know "ineo", but it really is that easy: "in" (in) + "ite" (go! you can learn that from... monty python!) "eo" is a bitch, because totally irregular.
And "vitium scaena" should be "scaena vitii" scene of a crime; those are the right words, though.
"na" is not in the dictionary.
but who cares, it's for a joke, although... having gotten it right would have blown insiders' minds and would have impressed catholic priests.
Ya, one thing with Latin is that there's also an imperative singular form of the verb, which has no analog in modern English.
most european languages work like that; english is special in that it doesn't use inflection; strict word order and prepositions do all the work.
The Latin is settled urgere penitùs videntur!
Well, to be fair it was the scribes and Pharisees, not Roman's. The guards at Christ's tomb were not under the command of Pontius Pilate
PRICELESS!
Showed this to the pastor at my church after Easter service. He laughed out loud.
It would take a Jesus-type miracle for Biden to rise to coherence.
KEK
Wait so people screenshot this and don't provide the link, but they provide the link to MSM material all the time without archive links or screenshots? Come on, OP.
Total dad level joke. I love it.
WHAT IS SO FUNNY ABOUT THE NAME SUSSUS AMOGUS!
Biggus Dickus
Now I've gotta' rewatch that!
and his wife, Incontinentia Buttocks
10/10
I am not religious but I still enjoy this joke a lot! Genius!
Love the crime scene tape in Latin.
what a bigot...we're supposed to be flattening the curve, and Jesus is over here being a selfish, anti-masker.
I bet the Bees couldn't wait for Easter to publish this one. Great job fellas.
They are still salty about it.
The pic is even funnier than the headline.
That's just genius
These people are God's of Satire
Chines eunt domus!
Glad this insurrectionist is being properly investigated by the authorities.
Is this the best Bee headline of all time?