Honestly I wouldn't call it "despicable", but it is a flaw. Especially since he's not going about it the right way. It's tricky. A silver lining is it's better to have dad on this side of the spectrum pushing him to be tougher than the other side where dad is a bitch.
If I'm you I would stop with the good jobs because it's dishonest. I know it's encouraging but that's the healthy way to do it. Hopefully you can gently discuss this with your husband. Basically tell him this...
"I'm definitely on the same page with you as far as the boy. He lacks effort and needs to toughen up. However, we have a bigger issue now. He doesn't want you going to his games."
Then tell him what the boy told you.
He's telling you that you're too soft because you are. So what might be taking place is over-extending to cover for your softness because he doesn't want to produce a weak boy.
As the wife you're kind of limited to what you can do here, but if I'm dad this is what I do. I back off the kid a bit when it comes to his actual games, and focus on toughening him up outside of game time.
This is what I do. I take a stop watch and make the kid do sit ups, wall sits, push ups, run cones in the backyard, preaching effort. Make it exercise time, right before taking his shower every day. If he wants anything materialistic you can give him a weekly or monthly goal in order to achieve it, or just do it for nothing, while teaching him the importance of health. Work the laziness out of him proactively.
It all has to be done in an authoritative way, but a friendly way. No need to be a drill sargeant unless it's for moments at a time. Don't say good job unless he's actually doing a good job.
I think that’s good advice - thanks. And if you ever become a parent, I agree with you that you’d parent well. One thing that you had backwards, though: My husband isn’t compensating for my softness. I’m softer to compensate for his overly critical approach. But I get the points you made. Well said.
Honestly I wouldn't call it "despicable", but it is a flaw. Especially since he's not going about it the right way. It's tricky. A silver lining is it's better to have dad on this side of the spectrum pushing him to be tougher than the other side where dad is a bitch.
If I'm you I would stop with the good jobs because it's dishonest. I know it's encouraging but that's the healthy way to do it. Hopefully you can gently discuss this with your husband. Basically tell him this...
"I'm definitely on the same page with you as far as the boy. He lacks effort and needs to toughen up. However, we have a bigger issue now. He doesn't want you going to his games."
Then tell him what the boy told you.
He's telling you that you're too soft because you are. So what might be taking place is over-extending to cover for your softness because he doesn't want to produce a weak boy.
As the wife you're kind of limited to what you can do here, but if I'm dad this is what I do. I back off the kid a bit when it comes to his actual games, and focus on toughening him up outside of game time.
This is what I do. I take a stop watch and make the kid do sit ups, wall sits, push ups, run cones in the backyard, preaching effort. Make it exercise time, right before taking his shower every day. If he wants anything materialistic you can give him a weekly or monthly goal in order to achieve it, or just do it for nothing, while teaching him the importance of health. Work the laziness out of him proactively.
It all has to be done in an authoritative way, but a friendly way. No need to be a drill sargeant unless it's for moments at a time. Don't say good job unless he's actually doing a good job.
I think that’s good advice - thanks. And if you ever become a parent, I agree with you that you’d parent well. One thing that you had backwards, though: My husband isn’t compensating for my softness. I’m softer to compensate for his overly critical approach. But I get the points you made. Well said.