The urges are coming stronger and I'm in fear my sober streak is going to end.
I'm a single male in my early 30s and I'm so used to going out to the bars on Saturdays... where do you meet women? How do you fight the urge to drink? Who do you talk to? I've alienated many people, both with my drinking and my politics, so I tend to become so detached...
It's gonna sound cheezy as hell, but look into a new hobby. I've met a lot of good friends just learning about new hobbies and being distracted tends to help me a lot when my problems are acting up. I've known a lot of people who are addicted and had this same "hole" in their life, you gotta find something productive to fill it with. That's my two cents. I'll send some prayers up for you, fren, wish it was easier.
Find an Alcoholics Anonymous group near you.
Read the AA Big Book.
Read the Bible.
Seek out new friendships and association.
Do not take the first drink by any means.
Look up Tom Macdonald, he is a white rapper and he is a recovering drug and alcoholic. He has some songs about his battles... “sober” is a good one and he has a recent one called “church” also check out some of his live streams he is very open about all his struggles.
Well, it is not going to be easy because you have the habits or going to bars. my longest dry streak was when I was trying to quit cigarettes, cause I knew to come home and have a cold one would require a good cigarette. The stuff that I have changed in this category were done so by fomenting new habits to replace the old ones, and its an on going thing. I'll give you one more quick gem, unless you stop "going out to bars to "meet women", you may never manifest any female that will actually care about you.
That has worked for me for quite a few bad habits. Some smaller some bigger.
I used to drink a few glasses of wine most evenings, which I replaced with tea. It was more about going through the motions of sipping on a glass all evening than anything else.
I also used to eat a lot sweets daily. It was kind of a ritual after dinner, which I replaced with healthier snacks like nuts and unflavored yogurt.
Humans are creatures of habit and it's more about that habit of doing something than doing the specific unhealthy thing in my experience.
Granted, none of these were really life-ruining addictions but I still felt the urge to keep those habits going and got antsy when I tried to quit (sugar is surprisingly addictive and don't tell me otherwise until you've rummaged through your baking supplies looking for chocolate coating because that's all you have left in the house).
It helps to have an "oh shit" moment to get you going, like seeing the impact on your health.
Now, I'm not going to force my (traditionalist) Catholicism on anyone...buuuuuut I highly recommend it. I've formed a habit of both praying the rosary and reading at least one chapter of the Bible each day and it's a good way to spend time. If you don't fill your soul with something good, something evil will fill that void in its place. Also find some purpose or goal to work towards in life, it's especially important for a man.
And quit relying on bars to meet women. For heaven's sake, men always complain about how women suck and never think that maybe they're looking in the wrong places for one.
I second traditional Catholicism. Hot women serving up platters of truth? Yes please.
Tinder and all the other online apps are where its at if you just want to get laid. Dont mention politics and youll find some soon enough. As far as booze you need to start lifting or running or doing something else to get your mind off the cravings. Its a motherfucker, but not dying at 50 is worth it. Good luck man
AA. AA. AA.
Then, gun range, shooting/hunting/outdoorsman’s club, based churches, gyms, adult sports leagues (rugby, lacrosse are both sports that are very open to teaching adult players; basketball is available everywhere; my buddy swears by amateur boxing to stay sober).
Fitness / athleticism / sport hobby time.
Where do you meet women...well you’re prob not gonna meet a decent one at a bar, unless all you’re trying to Sonia get laid.
You need to spend some time at the gym bro. Train for a marathon, or a half marathon. That will take several hours outbox your day and then you’ll be too tired to go out drinking.
Proverbs 23:29-35 NASBS Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? [30] Those who linger long over wine, Those who go to taste mixed wine. [31] Do not look on the wine when it is red, When it sparkles in the cup, When it goes down smoothly; [32] At the last it bites like a serpent And stings like a viper. [33] Your eyes will see strange things And your mind will utter perverse things. [34] And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea, Or like one who lies down on the top of a mast. [35] "They struck me, but I did not become ill; They beat me, but I did not know it. When shall I awake? I will seek another drink."
Alcohol is a mocker. Find an AA meeting and turn to Jesus for help. Try to look up the nearest church of Christ. You don't have to go it alone. Matthew 11:28 NASBS "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Find a good Church. That should satiate your needs.
I’m in the exact same boat man, I’m here for the comments and advice.
At this point I’m concerned for my health and trying to change. I hope both you and I can.
Volunteer at a food bank, homeless shelter or pet shelter. Big Brother Big Sister. People are not volunteering as much, and I’m sure there’s many places in your area looking for dependable people. Doing things for the less fortunate makes you appreciate what you have. . . There are people in your neighborhood that need help. Find a way to reach out. Just get out and walk. Listen to podcasts that help work on you. If you enjoyed Duck Dynasty, they have a podcast called Unashamed. It’s Bible based, but they tell funny stories, and it’s uplifting. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unashamed-with-phil-jase-robertson/id1460147025 Think of something you want to learn, and find videos
My daughter found somebody perfect for her on Bumble. She had to go through a lot of duds, though. You aren’t alone, many people are feeling the strain right now. So don’t get down on yourself.
I drank way too much when I was young. Having kids changed that for me. I didn’t want to raise kids in a disfunctional house. I am a totally different person now. You can do this. Good luck to you and the op.
Thank you, this is great advice that I’ve been pushing myself towards. I’m not a religious person, and I really don’t want to have kids. But having purpose is important, and volunteering and helping out the community can help give me. What’s pathetic is I have an amazing life and am securely self-employed and have very little debt. I have no reason to be depressed and drink, yet here I am. I think fun times in college made it a habit and now it’s a stupid dependency.
Exactly. I remember saying, I’m going to drink every day of my life. Now I don’t even drink, but for me being w child was an easy way to stop my bad drinking. Took a few more decades to stop completely.
Lots of people struggle to find meaning in their life. I saw my daughters have a hard time transitioning to the next phase after college. I love reading, so I volunteer w a friends of a library group. Book collecting, working book sales. Think of something that gives you pleasure, and get involved. I am on a scholarship foundation for the local high school. We run a golf outing every summer. If we had a community member contact us to ask if we needed help, we would be thrilled.
Someone at my church built a Blessing Box. I make sure to buy food for people that are in need, and that is very satisfying to see it full when I close the door.
Look around your community to see if you can make a change somewhere. Scott Presler just started cleaning up dirty neighborhoods. Make a plan, and follow through. Be the change you want to see in the world. Hokey, but true. Sending strength and prayers for a better tomorrow. .
AAA
I struggle with a love of bourbon.
I get up every morning at 6am to run in my body armor, then go to my gym to swim.
It is the ONLY thing that keeps me in line. I drink too often, but not too much.
The sphinx says go to the park, someone who you know will be there.
I am going to out cheese Left295....
Prayer and Church. Not just any church, traditional Latin Mass Catholicism. Old school. The oldest.
Volunteer. Animal shelter, VA hospital, doesn't matter. Take yourself out of the center of your universe.
Exercise. Like you mean it. 2-a-days with walking in the morning and lifting in the evening. Curl until you hurl. Can't drink if your biceps cramp when you pick up a glass.
All of these things will give you something to look forward to besides alcohol and provide opportunities to meet other people who aren't spending their time drinking and might connect you with someone you want to marry.
Try a dog park if you have a dog. Or a both sex slow pitch softball league? Church if you can find a singles group. It's incredibly hard though to find a like-minded woman these days. I was blessed by god and met my fiance 5 years ago, she was originally my neighbor of all things, lol. I get you on the boozing and after awhile it's normalized. AKA go to bar to meet women while both are potentially knee-knockin' drunk. Tough to break that mold esp in your 30's which is where I am too. Maybe try out some new hobbies and join a local group?
Good luck brother I know how you're feeling
Get to work volunteering for serious MAGA groups in your area, and if they don't do much socializing as a group, offer to help organize social events. You'll meet the right kind of people that way. And remember that not drinking a drop of alcohol is a great way to be more like President Trump!
Such as The Precinct Project
https://theprecinctproject.wordpress.com/
Pussy
I would hit deport but I prefer to have you downvoted