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posted ago by MAGAROAR ago by MAGAROAR +2647 / -8

My mom has cancer, stage 4, lungs. She just got admitted to the hospital. I have no car, have to bum a ride to see her. Hospital might not let me in. I don't know yet, cuz I live in WA state.

I know it's not the place here to sob. Everyone dies, but I thought I had more time. I thought I had a year left. Now she is on Hospice.

I know she will suffer greatly, but will be at peace soon.

Comments (350)
sorted by:
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hogstooth01 450 points ago +450 / -0

Lost my mom last year bud. It wont be easy, but it’s not supposed to be. It should never be easy to lose your mother. After all you’ve known her longer than anyone else in your life. She’s the first person you met…ever. And no matter what your relationship with her may be now, she’s the first person to ever love you for you. She may or may not have shown it but she will til the day she dies. Be strong for her here at the end. All the times she held you while you cried, and needed her, need their pay back now. If you can, hold her hand when she goes. That little bit of comfort will go a long way to ease her on. Take care brother

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Jl123 135 points ago +135 / -0

Probably the greatest post I've ever read on this site.

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HockeyMom4Trump 51 points ago +51 / -0

Agreed. Just perfect.

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Basedlonerr 32 points ago +32 / -0

Yeah it even got me and I’m dead inside

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Prometheus_84 13 points ago +13 / -0

Yeah, beautiful.

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Silence-Dogood 76 points ago +76 / -0

I had a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes as I read that to my husband.

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MAGAROAR [S] 174 points ago +174 / -0

She is calm. I made it here

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Litecola2 78 points ago +78 / -0

Awesome news! Now, do tell her whatever your strongest best memories are of your time with her. She might get surprised at what was most important to you, as many great moms think they haven't done enough for their kids, especially if they had to work and couldn't take you expensive places etc. Mine is still alive but she was mighty amazed at the stuff we kids told her were our most treasured memories; things she never thought were special were diamonds and gold for us.

Tell her everything that makes you think of her, tell her what causes you to hear her voice in your head with an oft-repeated instruction, admonition or advice. And tell her what you'll tell your kids about her, any positive influence she has had on you to carry on.

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MagaShoghi 17 points ago +17 / -0

This wisdom is so on point!

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10gauge 37 points ago +37 / -0

God will bless you and your mom. Much love to you both.

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Landslide_2020 29 points ago +29 / -0

So glad to hear that you made it the hospital. Tell your mom that there is a very Large Prayer Circle Praying for her. 🙏🙏

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Ifeargovtmorethan 24 points ago +24 / -0

And I will add from experience.....tell her you are going to be OK. Let her know she did her job well and you are prepared for life ahead and to care for a family yourself. That reassurance means the world....allowing a parent to go in peace...that their job is done. God bless you

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Seatacjoe 22 points ago +22 / -0

Spend as much time as you can with her man. Ask her everything you would ever want to know about her personally. First guy she liked in high school, most embarrassing/funniest thing she ever did. Ask her if she has anything she wants to unload emotionally on you and just be there for her. I am so sorry my friend, a lot of us who are older know your pain. I lost both my parents and older brother by the age of 30. It hurts, yet knowing they arent hurting helps. She's alive, just love her.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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KuzoKevin 56 points ago +56 / -0

I was there when my mother passed away of cancer, and a dear friend consoled my with this simple truth- "The pain you feel in your loss is only as powerful as the love you share."

I am hugging your spirit, and praying for her transition and yours.

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mrnoone 4 points ago +4 / -0

Sorry for you too, brother.

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D0ntdrugtest 16 points ago +16 / -0

I’m not cutting onions. You are.

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HockeyMom4Trump 6 points ago +6 / -0

Beautiful. Well said.

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Landslide_2020 99 points ago +99 / -0

It is absolutely the place to sob. I am sending prayers for your mom, for you and for your family. We might all be here because of our Love for Country and President Trump. But we are all humans and we are saddened when one of our fellow Patriots are hurting.

I have a brother who is battling stage 4 throat Cancer, so I know how you must feel. Try as hard as it is too stay strong for your mom.

P.S. were you able to find a ride to the hospital?

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Litecola2 22 points ago +22 / -0

In case you don't see it, OP posted 40 min after you too say s/he made it and mom is calm. We will keep praying.

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Landslide_2020 13 points ago +13 / -0

No. I had not seen that. Thank you for that info.

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Punisher6123 50 points ago +50 / -0

God is with you , I can’t fathom the day when I’ll have to let my mom go

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MoreTorbaLessKushner 16 points ago +17 / -1

I can't even think about it.

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rcianpandacian 14 points ago +14 / -0

The hardest day of our lives. God have mercy on us.

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CandyCoated45 40 points ago +40 / -0

Thoughts and prayers.

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MAGAROAR [S] 34 points ago +34 / -0

Thanks

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highenergywinning 35 points ago +35 / -0

So sorry to hear. Be strong. My Mom passed on Dec21 of cancer that spread to her liver. Was very very difficult to watch her pass but at least they discharged her and she was at hone when she did. All i can say is tell her you love her and she will be in a better place soon. 🙏🏼

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Jujubees 34 points ago +34 / -0

After my mother died I was numb for a while, caught myself dialing her phone a few times. I thought I was doing good until the stores stocked up for Mother’s Day. If she’s on hospice, is there any chance they will discharge her home with pain control medication?

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MAGAROAR [S] 28 points ago +28 / -0

I am still getting a ride there.

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Maga2020Maga2020 8 points ago +8 / -0

Contact hospice and see if they will help with a ride, they do help.

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DeplorableLA 16 points ago +16 / -0

Right there with you, Juju. When I lost my mom, I thought I was OK until that first Mother’s Day. There is no pain like it. It has been a few years since then, I understand her even better and love her more.

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Zeldasmom 13 points ago +13 / -0

This, exactly this!

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DoYouLikeFishsticks 11 points ago +11 / -0

I call my mom and embarrassing amount of times every day. Call not text. Idk what I’ll do when that time comes

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Jujubees 8 points ago +8 / -0

Don’t even be embarrassed a little bit. If your mom still answers the phone it’s the right amount. I hope you get to call her multiple times a day for a long time.

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DeePlorable 3 points ago +3 / -0

The same thing happened to me. 9 months later I still call her disconnected number hoping that this is all some nightmare and that she is still here. She died right before Mother's Day too and I felt like my soul was sucked out of me.

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EllemenoP 30 points ago +31 / -1

She won't suffer honey, they're amazing in palliative hospice care. Even if she's placed into a coma to keep her out of pain, she won't be in pain, sweetheart. I lost both my parents in 2020 (not covid, 6 months apart), and at the end of the day - I'm relieved that they checked out when they did, and that they were saved by Christ. I know where they are. That's the great hope we all have as Christians.

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MAGAROAR [S] 27 points ago +27 / -0

She is Mormon. She follows Christ

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EllemenoP 11 points ago +12 / -1

She knows that Christ died to pay for her sins and that He's the only reason any of us make it to heaven.

Go hold her hand, hon. She'll be tremendously comforted, and ready for the greatest peace and joy.

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deleted -44 points ago +6 / -50
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DrVSGGEOTUSPhD 32 points ago +33 / -1

Oh now is this really the place for theological bickering?

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deleted -19 points ago +4 / -23
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deleted 10 points ago +11 / -1
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Amateurgynecologist 4 points ago +4 / -0

I believe you are right. You have to walk the walk and talk the talk and live the life and love God

I've been pretty much a scumbag at times but I cry like a baby in church to the point I can't go anymore

Free methodist here. I will pray for OP for what it's worth

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deleted 3 points ago +3 / -0
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deleted -7 points ago +5 / -12
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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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johnqpublic864 -19 points ago +6 / -25

Telling the truth isn't "bickering."

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The_Nowhere_Man 33 points ago +34 / -1

C'mon we are better than that. Let's read the room and learn when to keep our mouth shut if we can't be kind to a fellow Pede.

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johnqpublic864 -17 points ago +4 / -21

You fear the truth and you want to hide your fear behind the veil of compassion. Lying isn't being kind. It's being weak. It doesn't help. It's just more comfortable for the weak, who would rather not be mean and let their friend rot in eternal hell. I'd rather let a person know the whole truth and let them decide what to do with it. Maybe you don't believe someone's eternal soul is worth fighting for, but I do.

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deleted -21 points ago +1 / -22
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The_Nowhere_Man 23 points ago +24 / -1

Wrong place wrong time. Support a grieving Pede now, religious truth saying later or elsewhere.

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lurker22 9 points ago +9 / -0

Fuckwit.We cry with a pede.Fuck you.A friend here is in need and you be a bitch

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UnsorryApologetics 5 points ago +5 / -0

lmao a so-called "Christian" saying that we don't need to hold the ten commandments. Absolutely pitiful. You might as well man up and admit that you're Satanist considering your belief in total freedom to sin.

Matthew 19:16 And behold, one came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do, to have eternal life?” 17 And He said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? One there is who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” 18 He said to Him, “Which?” And Jesus said, “You shall not kill, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, 19 Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 20 The young man said to Him, “All these I have observed; what do I still lack?” 21 Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 22 When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful; for he had great possessions.

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MrSir 4 points ago +5 / -1

I will see you in hell friend.

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SpaceForceMAGA 23 points ago +24 / -1

Read the room, you fucking moron.

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OwlHoller 12 points ago +13 / -1

How is this the time? Disgusting.

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Dman82 10 points ago +11 / -1

Dude really now what a peice of shit you are. Your dad should be slapped for not pulling out, you should have been shot in a sock.

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deleted -8 points ago +3 / -11
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deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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Littleirishmaid 30 points ago +30 / -0

I pray hospice will keep her comfortable and that you will be able to see her.

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MAGAROAR [S] 22 points ago +22 / -0

Me three

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BestPrez45 26 points ago +26 / -0

I'm sorry for this... I understand the pain. Lost my wife of 22 years on November 28th 2020, Stage 4 breast cancer. And just recently my Dad on 9/18/21 -

The comfort I offer is prayer... and words. The pain from this loss will hurt lots and everyone will go through this eventually. If you have faith... press into that... God will see you through this pain. Read lots of books - remember the good times - and do not let yourself stay in a depressed state. Life moves forward don't let this steal anymore joy than it has to... Also, schedule the times to cry lots... nonstop crying for an hour... then 45m.... then 30.... then 15... etc.... it's best to do it this way or you'll just lay down in bed and cry all day.

You will get through this... chin up... stay strong. Hug her lots while you can.

/e

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MocksFordComma 2 points ago +2 / -0

Sorry for your losses, buddy.

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Jesko603 26 points ago +26 / -0

My prayers are with you and your mother. I hope you get to see her.

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CynicalTwit22 25 points ago +25 / -0

My mom passed from that 13 years ago. Prayers to you, friend.

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MAGAROAR [S] 20 points ago +20 / -0

Thank you

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DeniseN1583 16 points ago +16 / -0

My mom passed from that 17 years ago. My life has never been the same. Being with her in her final moments was something I will never forget. Praying for you, your mom and your family. Also praying that you are able to be with her to comfort her. ((Hugs))

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MAGAROAR [S] 22 points ago +22 / -0

Thank you Pedes

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Golden_Eagle1776 22 points ago +22 / -0

I will pray for you and your beloved mother.

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Zeldasmom 22 points ago +22 / -0

If she’s with hospice, Speak to them directly instead of hospital, not sure if it’s possible for you, but hospice can arrange for her to go home or to you for the last days. A better alternative than visitor restrictions. Praying for you.

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DrVSGGEOTUSPhD 15 points ago +15 / -0

THIS... Hospice people are pretty based, in terms of being down to earth. They will often help you navigate around hospital bureaucracy, and will work to get you to see your mother

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MocksFordComma 1 point ago +1 / -0

Hospice >>>>> hospital for this.

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KernalMustard 1 point ago +1 / -0

Kinda. My friend wanted to stay home. Her recent downturn came from the hospital. She had 13 visits this years, her lungs were failing, had a unxplained pain in her stomach that would flare up everytime she ate. They gave me a low dose morphine to give her. It worked some, but they bumped it up a little. Took the pain away. Fentynal did nothing for her. She began to have pain in the middle of her chest. Since she was in hospice care anything to keep her going she would want. So she went to the hospital and I argued with the dumbass doctor about her wishes. Recently my friend said she wanted to live and get better. I told the doctor this. The only options were to vent her or put her in hospice. I loved this woman more than anything in the world. I made that choice to let her go. Hardest thing I ever did. It took me 30 years to meet someone who really loved me and I loved back. I didn't want to let her go, but I knew she would no longer suffer. What I'm trying to say is spend as much time with her as you can. I was able to spend 14 months with my friend to help her through this final stage. Be there for your mom

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WhoMeTwo 18 points ago +18 / -0

I lost my mother to lung cancer 11 years ago. Hospice is/was a godsend. When you get there, tell her how much you love her, how much you'll miss her, and that you will be fine (even if you won't). Hug her and laugh about the funny times.

I thought that it was only right that I watch her take her last breath, as she watched me take my first.

Sending prayers that our Father who art in Heaven, wraps you & yours in peace & love.

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PhuckYourFeels 17 points ago +17 / -0

Sorry to hear that man. I hope you best for you and your mom. Never apologize for posting stuff like this. We all need to support each other. You’ll both be in my prayers.

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MAGAROAR [S] 8 points ago +8 / -0

Thank you

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Neonentity 17 points ago +17 / -0

Talk with her even after she has gone ahead.

It really helps.

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MAGAROAR [S] 13 points ago +13 / -0

I will

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DaughterOfLiberty 3 points ago +3 / -0

I pray Jesus wraps his arms around you and comforts you. Much love to you and your Mom.

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FredRedd 16 points ago +16 / -0

God bless, God keep, and God strengthen both you and your Mom through this.

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chinita_atx 16 points ago +17 / -1

Praying for your mom and for you. Big hug.

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FreeSpeechMaster 15 points ago +15 / -0

You have no idea how hard I am actually praying for your mother AND you.

That's all I have to say. I hope the best life for you and the best way for your mother, in this world or in God's realm.

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TurboDiesel73 14 points ago +14 / -0

I’m so sorry about your mom. Hang in there.

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phibetared 14 points ago +14 / -0

As for physical pain/suffering, most hospices immediately administer morphine.

The morning after my mom went into hospice we went to visit of course. The nurse came in and asked my mom, "How are you feeling?". My mom's answer was "Wonderful!"

I knew immediately they had already put her on morphine. My mother had never in her life said she felt "wonderful".

Much later I talked to a doctor, who seemed very sincere when he said, "It's the best way to die".

Be strong and be there as much as you can. My mother just wanted me to talk and talk. She couldn't talk, so I did. Everything I could remember about growing up. She was smiling.

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HockeyMom4Trump 6 points ago +6 / -0

My father had Ativan and morphine. His death was much more painful for us then for himself.

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KernalMustard 2 points ago +2 / -0

Shame doctors dont like to give out Ativan to people who aren't in hospice. It played a part in her decline. She was on 1mg 3 times a day for 20 years. Her primary put her down to 0.5 once a day. That just caused her to smoke more. God that doctor is evil. We fought and fought to get it back including getting a new primary. She read the notes and did the same. Sigh

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KernalMustard 1 point ago +1 / -0

I should had said Girlfriend. Not my mother. She was about 15 years older though. Thanks miss her alot.

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HockeyMom4Trump 1 point ago +1 / -0

So true. Ativan does wonders for anxiety. Doctors are afraid to prescribe things these days.

May your mother RIP

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she-nani-gan88 13 points ago +13 / -0

Lost my mom almost 22 yrs ago to lung cancer stage 4 diagnosis. She was my everything. My mom had never smoked a cigarette in her life (not that -that matters) but it's just heartbreaking. Cancer is fucked. Sending prayers your way.

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TheGreenDragon 12 points ago +12 / -0

God Bless you and your Mom, I lost my Dad 9 months ago and we were not allowed in to see him. It is hard to lose your parents, even though I am in my 50's I still felt a bit like a kid when my parents were around.

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Logicalguest 12 points ago +12 / -0

Sorry brother

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Realassman 11 points ago +11 / -0

Im sorry. Feel your pain. Lost her when I was 14. I read it in a book, the iron John. The first divorce a man has to have is from his mother. You can deal with this in two way. Either you can mourn her or take this opportunity, the pain I mean to better yourself in loving memory of your mother. Pain/ loss is very important to kindle that fire in your belly. My prayers and love is with you and your mother .

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Prayeradime12 1 point ago +1 / -0

Looks like an interesting book going to check it out

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exwhyze 11 points ago +11 / -0

Sucks dude, i lost my dad that way six years ago

It never gets easier after a parent leaves, you just get better at dealing with it.

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MAGAROAR [S] 9 points ago +9 / -0

I am sure I will

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45forever 11 points ago +11 / -0

Lie if they ask if you are vaxxed and you aren’t. Say in the stress of it all you don’t have your “card”- if they ask to see it.

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Prayeradime12 3 points ago +3 / -0

That's a good point to make.
Is there a way for them to verify that, assuming they would if they could? Is there a state or national database? What other info would one need to "know" in answering/being questioned on if they've had the shots?
.... just some q's that came to mind.

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45forever 4 points ago +4 / -0

They might ask where and when.

Ah, ah I think it was early May or maybe April of last year.

Location ideally would be one of the drug stores. Maybe they ask which one you got?

I don’t know.

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Prayeradime12 2 points ago +2 / -0

Yep those would be good pieces to have in mind.
Really the best thing, would be to tell them the truth, and to get out of your way.... but the way things are, they could possibly barr your entry depending where you are.... which is really messed up!
What to do, what to do....

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Isaiah53 11 points ago +12 / -1

You are going to lose your mom from this life, but as someone who has lost a lot of family, understand that we all die.

There are two potential deaths; the death of the body, which we all must suffer and, for some, the death of the spirit, which is the total separation from God, for eternity.

No human needs to know the second death.

It is the whole reason Jesus came.

Your mom can still know Jesus' grace, even if she only has hours left here.

It all comes down to her faith.

Even if you cannot be there in person, someone can hold a phone to her ear.

Give her everlasting life as the best gift ever.

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KingToasty 11 points ago +11 / -0

Godspeed Pede. Prayers for your mom. God is Great!

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Alldayeveryday 11 points ago +11 / -0

Thoughts and prayers

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jerryriggs1 10 points ago +10 / -0

Praying for you all.

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ivana-humpalot 10 points ago +10 / -0

the pain and loss cant be avoided but this is not the end.

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NotADemThang 10 points ago +10 / -0

We are all here with you fren! 🙏

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lurker22 2 points ago +2 / -0

Yes we are

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Crunchy_Bites 10 points ago +10 / -0

Man be strong. This life is hell but there is something after death. When mom passed we felt an energy enter the room and it changed my views on life and death.

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Crappydatum 9 points ago +9 / -0

🙏🙏

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TrudopesEyebrow 9 points ago +10 / -1

Praying and sending you strength, peace and protection, to both of you.

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saltymainahkracken 9 points ago +9 / -0

God bless you and give you and your mom comfort.

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Unicron3 8 points ago +8 / -0

All my prayers. Try and remember that there is only pain because there was joy. Lost my sister last year to cancer.

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DrVSGGEOTUSPhD 7 points ago +7 / -0

Bless you and your mother, OP

Good luck getting there.

It hurts, but it's better that she's going before you do.

Is she still conscious? If so she can appoint you or a family member (you?) to make medical decisions for her if she can't...and she can set up what she wants medically, like having a DNR, erc. Get that stuff sorted out first... otherwise the doctors are stuck doing CPR on her when she would rather be peacefully slipping away. The hospice people will help you with this.

It's going to hurt like hell, there's no getting around that. If you're not sure if you're going to make it to the hospital, can you get her on the phone? Tell her everything you need to ASAP!

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DeplorableLA 7 points ago +7 / -0

I am very sorry to hear this news. Those we love most are always with us, whether under the same sky or watching us from above. In these last days, hold your mother’s hand, tell her you love her, and watch her sleep. Knowing you are right by her side will give her comfort and peace.

Be kind to yourself, sleep when you can and eat even when you don’t feel like it. Our hearts are with you both.

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Magatonin 7 points ago +7 / -0

So sorry to hear brother. Please don't ever hesitate to reach out for support. You will get through this.

God bless

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Destroy_WithLove 6 points ago +6 / -0

I wish you strength and peace.

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MJ_43 6 points ago +6 / -0

I’m really sorry to hear about this brother, I can’t imagine. I really hope and pray that she gets peace and comfort during this hard time.

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AngelMark 6 points ago +6 / -0

Praying for strength for you! Your mom will be your Guardian Angel!

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findthewarmspot 6 points ago +6 / -0

Prayers. This is just gut wrenching.

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iirc_life 6 points ago +6 / -0

May God turn His face upon you ... and smile, fren.

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Susurro 6 points ago +6 / -0

🙏🏾

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briansoprano 6 points ago +6 / -0

Hospice care won't let your mom suffer with physical pain. The preventing you from seeing her - that's lasting pain. My prayers to you

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deleted 5 points ago +6 / -1