2090
Ummm sir… (zoom in) (media.patriots.win) 💩   SHITPOST   💩
posted ago by Fakename ago by Fakename +2092 / -2
Comments (73)
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56
Mainwar 56 points ago +56 / -0

Sir! Here is a photo of Trump smoking crack .. it's AWESOME... Wait.......

26
Formerlurker92 26 points ago +26 / -0

Curses, now we have to do our job

19
MissingTrump 19 points ago +19 / -0

Nope. They would instantly memory hole it, then have dozens of experts sign an affidavit saying it's disinformation.

Trump should have had some Hunter photos hidden all over the place. The feds would have run away like the cock sucking traitors they are.

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
25
Vavican 25 points ago +27 / -2

This is a joke right? lol

29
Fakename [S] 29 points ago +29 / -0

Yes

17
MakeFloridaRed 17 points ago +18 / -1

The real safe, like any good internet safe story, would take weeks to open only to have the safe owner stop posting leaving all in indefinite suspense.

12
ultra-tera-maga 12 points ago +12 / -0

I don't miss reddit one bit.

5
ProphetOfKek 5 points ago +5 / -0

Bunch of butthole licking fairies.

3
Side-o-Beef_Curtains 3 points ago +3 / -0

Reddit, or the FBI?

5
NovaLegion 5 points ago +5 / -0

yes

1
Side-o-Beef_Curtains 1 point ago +1 / -0

That's a lot of rusty starfish popsicles.

2
Jappletime 2 points ago +2 / -0

Me either. And Reddit used to be my go to everyday!

1
BytheDozen31 1 point ago +1 / -0

Why do you bring up the dumb 'reddit' and proclaim that you don't miss them.

Seriously, it sounds as if you really miss them and you are in denial...

1
ultra-tera-maga 1 point ago +1 / -0

I think you read that wrong, but don't let me interrupt you.

3
BewareOfThePug 3 points ago +3 / -0

Yes, this is from a video showing how to open a safe with a magnet in a sock.

(Pulls the solenoid open on these cheap electronic safes)

12
CheapChinesePlastic 12 points ago +13 / -1

They should investigate if Michelle Obama has a penis

4
justinkayz 4 points ago +4 / -0

They could probably find it up Chris Wray's ass

9
Saltyarmyhonkingdiv 9 points ago +9 / -0

Reminds me of Geraldo with the Al Capone vault

9
South_Florida_Guy 9 points ago +9 / -0

Will Geraldo be reporting live?

3
Oskar 3 points ago +3 / -0

Came here for this comment ...

4
South_Florida_Guy 4 points ago +4 / -0

I'm surprised no one beat me to it

3
Oskar 3 points ago +3 / -0

Not enough of us old farts around who remember

3
South_Florida_Guy 3 points ago +3 / -0

I resemble that remark

9
minotaurbeach 9 points ago +9 / -0

It looks like meal team 6 is on the job.

5
Jtenten 5 points ago +5 / -0

That shirt is perfect for the moobs

3
NateBedfordForrest 3 points ago +3 / -0

Meal Team Six?

Oh! Stop it you guys! Had me lol'ing all over myself. Meal Team Six. Smh.

7
PatriotDescendant 7 points ago +10 / -3

What kind of safe is that? That's a little tiny thing!!! How could that be Trump's safe?

My net worth is barely a rounding error compared with the Trumps and we have several safes bigger than that, one that takes up an entire closet.

18
Fakename [S] 18 points ago +18 / -0

Cool story bro… did you zoom in

5
PatriotDescendant 5 points ago +5 / -0

Would not be of any point from my phone.

8
User_X 8 points ago +8 / -0

No worries Old Timer... I will describe it to you and your feeble eyes.

In the safe, there is a picture of Hunter Biden smoking crack from a glass pipe while in bed with hookers trafficked in from other states using his daddy's AMTRAK connections and shared bank accounts, which... in the eyes of the law would mean Joe Biden paid for his sons hookers!

0
PatriotDescendant 0 points ago +2 / -2

Thanks kid. Old news but appreciate your effort.

Do you play soccer? Would love to meet you on the pitch.

2
Brew_Dude 2 points ago +2 / -0

Zoom and enhance.

12
Lady_MaGa 12 points ago +12 / -0

It's most likely a dummy safe. I know several people who have them. There's a few bucks and a few silver rings in them. If robbed, that's all the robbers get.

5
sunnyintherain 5 points ago +5 / -0

My Grandpa taught me to always wear a semi- fancy watch for this reason.

3
VIad_theChad_Impaler 3 points ago +4 / -1

Should have told you to wear a nice one and pack a 1911

2
sunnyintherain 2 points ago +2 / -0

I use the Force.

2
sunnyintherain 2 points ago +2 / -0

That too.

2
one_cool 2 points ago +2 / -0

semi fancy watch is still thousands. I think probably a cheap fake would be best.

2
sunnyintherain 2 points ago +2 / -0

It’s all relative

1
User_X 1 point ago +1 / -0

Fake Rolex's are getting pretty close to the real thing. heard about shops getting swindled when buying them off people who know what they are doing.

1
one_cool 1 point ago +1 / -0

There are exact replicas out there. Only way to be sure is fly to switzerland to buy. I wouldn't even trust rolex stores because they are all in blue cities. Then there are nba players that will spend $100k on hideous junk from nyc street jewelers.

1
CrackerJack2 1 point ago +1 / -0

I don't have a wallet. Just loose credit cards, cash, etc. I'll never get pick pocketed, as if someone tried stealing from me almost everything would wind up on the ground instead of in their hands.

1
PatriotDescendant 1 point ago +1 / -0

Hey Lady!

I've already been instructed to ZOOM IN...

Did so... From my phone I can barely make it out, but there's a pic of Hunter Biden in there.

A dummy safe? Makes sense. But it wouldn't help us. There's no way robbers aren't going to find the big safe because it's in one of the master bedroom's closets.

Of course, when they find it, our cellular based alarm system is already sending me a text.

Good times!

2
Forgototherpassword 2 points ago +2 / -0

They opened it with a magnet in a sock.

High quality shit.

2
CrackerJack2 2 points ago +2 / -0

That's a huge magnet.
Like a 3 or 4 inch one.
Everyone needs to go in, cut open the inside of these safes and put in a lot more iron plate shielding in these safes. And/or replace the steel piece with a non-magnetic S.S. piece.

2
Shamb3 2 points ago +2 / -0

How much does it weigh? If burglars could pick that safe up and carry it to their van to open at their convenience, it's worthless as a safe.

I have a gun cabinet that the only purpose is to keep kids and dumb adults out of. Burglars would have no problem with it.

2
CrackerJack2 2 points ago +2 / -0

Yes,
any safe worth it's weight will weigh at least 500 lbs., and be wider than any door.

2
PatriotDescendant 2 points ago +2 / -0

Well, they do work with the manufacturers to learn how to defeat their mechanisms.

2
LetsGoToWar 2 points ago +2 / -0

Maybe Trump went bitcoin? :D

2
Jessedi 2 points ago +2 / -0

It's not the size of the safe, it's the content it was protecting.

6
Orneryoldgoat 6 points ago +6 / -0

They can have that idiot Geraldo Rivera do a three hour show on opening Trump’s safe. Oops, it’s empty.

3
DJT_JR6544 3 points ago +3 / -0

Subtle

3
auntjemima 3 points ago +3 / -0

Lol!

2
juliaclifford 2 points ago +2 / -0

Very powerful statement you got going here. Sums it all up. Trump has things they want to hide.

And Melania has the dresses they want to wear. Intel suggests that the little dickweed out in front of the gate, the fat ass with with his machine gun, he wanted her billowing yellow chiffon. His mom'll take up the hemline for him.

2
dakinnia 2 points ago +2 / -0

Where's the blue hair?

The FBI is color-phobic.

2
CookieMonsters 2 points ago +2 / -0

TopKEK

2
Noragrats 2 points ago +2 / -0

This is an obviously doctored photo. That agents tits and gut are way bigger in the real one, and he has rainbow painted fingernails, and monkey pox scars on his arms.

2
RagnarD 2 points ago +2 / -0

KEK

edit: Where was Geraldo Rivera when they were cracking the safe?

2
FreedomDeliveries 2 points ago +2 / -0

It's the box of Biden ballots! Completely empty!

2
Djonpow 2 points ago +2 / -0

A dummy safe with a dummy in it ...and opening it.

2
Groundpounder 2 points ago +2 / -0

Reality is even better: It turns out the safe was actually empty

2
spicy-deluxe 2 points ago +2 / -0

I expected the FBI agent to be either way fatter or wimpier than that

1
GreyGooseDown 1 point ago +1 / -0

Geraldo was on that safe. Bigger than Capone.

1
Elitepatriot 1 point ago +1 / -0

That would be amazing if that was real.

1
chickeninoven 1 point ago +1 / -0

What a succulent body that agent has. Just delicious.

1
Puffnstuff 1 point ago +1 / -0

Hahahaahahaa What a dude .aww thats not real..damnit

1
RobbieParkersDeadKid 1 point ago +1 / -0

Is that Proxima Centauri on the wall or is your chorizo just happy to see me?

1
cook_does 1 point ago +1 / -0

I figured it would be something like this. Kind of surprised it wasn't the definition of what a woman is.

1
Jefferson 1 point ago +1 / -0

Check out the belly on that porker!

1
MAGAnificent700 1 point ago +1 / -0

Trump should have encircled Mar A Lago in a protective ring of copies of Hunter Biden’s laptop from bell. No way the FBI would breach that.

1
Edinedii 1 point ago +1 / -0

Parmesan in the safe, space chorizo on the wall

1
Midgeba 1 point ago +1 / -0

Get that faggot Jerry Rivers on the case!

1
Hanging_Chad 1 point ago +1 / -0

Is that a Cringeshaw eyepatch with a golden Q?