A high leaping animal made of liquid with long skinny fangs and needle hooked claws who can see in the dark. You would get beat up before you even got to grab it. Also cats attack from behind by biting the spine of their prey. The 30% are those who have house cats!
I’m actually this way too, more just because I’m kind of a cat whisperer lol (idk, it’s strange but true — will go to strangers’ house and get a kitty purring on my lap when they’re like “huh, weird. S/he usually hates everyone but jumped right on you); but my wife and I also have a huge 25lb cat that’s kinda neurotic so sometimes there’s no alternative to getting physical. He’s had my wife in situations where she was genuinely scared, and I have to go in and physically subdue him (usually an arm across the stomach while pushed against a wall does it. Sounds mean but it does no harm and it’s genuinely the only way to get him to stop).
They sense fear - when he gets like this, he’ll literally go after my wife, like… full force, brutal stuff. But the second I walk in he stops and arches his back, puffs up his tail and hisses while he’s kind of slowly backing off/thinking what to do (he’ll still attack me sometimes though). Cat still loves me, and usually prefers cuddles, he’s just… genuinely bipolar or something and he’s absolutely brutal sometimes with my wife (who he also usually loves), and our female cat (who he tried to get lovey with too sometimes but he’s caused her so much distress she won’t let him get anywhere near her).
Maine Coon? I remember a friend had one of the same weight and I thought yeah, this cat decided when play is over not the person lol. That's good stuff, animals communicate with energy and body language. Your cat could have some brain misfiring or something leading to the aggression. My male cat use to try to go after my smaller animals which is totally natural, and a few times of holding him up against the wall w a hand under his armpits and staring him in the eyes w a stern voice and he never did it again. They're smarter than we give them credit for.
He’s super intelligent - too much for his own good, and I think that’s half the issue. He needs as much attention and stimulation as a dog, and he’s incredibly territorial (he’ll spend forever scratching at nothing on the litter box, he’ll follow our female around anytime she tries to eat or go to the bathroom, etc. I feel so bad because she’s the sweetest thing and genuinely traumatized by him. We’re also about to — God willing — be bringing our first born home within the next few days and am a bit worried how he’ll react to the new addition lol).
Oh, and to answer your question: no, not a maine coon, just a big orange jerk (tabby I presume but I’m sure he’s got other breeds in there). He’s just naturally massive, too. Like, he is overweight, but not by that much apparently. You can feel the muscles in his chest, it’s pretty crazy.
But yea, he sets the rules. He finds plastic to chew on to either wake us up or annoy us when he wants to be fed. If he’s low on food, he won’t touch it but instead try and get us to give him more because he gets anxiety from an empty bowl. Also, deep down, he’s a big giant ham and scaredy cat (we’ll joke sometimes when he’s trying to boss the other around about how he cries any times he’s in the car, even wets himself sometimes, while the other cat is perfectly content)
Edit - and that’s funny, that’s exactly what I did with my cat (holding him and talking to him while staring him down), except he got the nerve to strike back and gave me a good slice across my eye (hooked the lid, damn close to actual eyeball haha). The way I reacted to that, however, and he’s never physically challenged me since (but does definitely still play the mental games) — he’ll run away tail-tucked now anytime he knows I’m upset at him and stand up lol
Geese are aggressive assholes, sure, but they're aggressive assholes with hollow bones. If not for the migratory bird treaty making people hesitate, one good hit could cripple the damn thing.
Did I stutter? We blast it into a pasty. as Americans in a hypothetical setting we consider gun powder to be sugar! And we love PETA! (people eating tasty animals)
An old guy I know was put on the hospital by a barn cat. He cornered the thing and it tore him up before he even had a chance. It was the fever from all the scratches that almost killed him. And like I said, he is an old guy.
Yes, if cats don’t have their shots, and are not cared for, yes, a scratch, and a bite from a cat can actually kill a human. If you’re ever scratched or bit by a feral cat, see a doctor immediately. Yes, you can die from it.
Where it gets you is the infection later. Cat teeth are skinny and long and deposit bacteria deep in a wound, which is so narrow it easily closes up over the pocket of infection. I wouldn't want that near my spine or on my face. Again not saying you couldn't win the fight but it's nasty. There's a reason cats are built to be obligate carnivores.
I have a 6kg cat and I'm 100kg. I could kill a house cat but it's highly likely I would get fucked up if the cats in kill mode from the get go. Ide rather fight a 60kg man anyday before a 6kg cat
I've been bitten deep in my hand. Treated it with several times a day soaks in saturated salt solutions, followed by peroxide, and antimicrobial essential oils. It was fine. You don't really need antibiotics but you have to be truly hyper vigilant about treating it for a while.
Lol. Cat worshippers are weird. I have had a dozen cats over my life and even as a child I would have had no problem beating the hell out of a cat in a fight. Would I get scratched, sure. Would I be happy about it, nope. But zero doubt in my mind I could handle a cat. I mean once you have the dumb thing by the back of the neck it goes into submission so there's only one spot on my body it can attack where I can't reach it there, but if it climbs on my back I just squash it on a wall or tree.
If you can't handle a house cat unarmed, you should not own it.
People "own" horses and could be stomped to death and do nothing about it. I don't believe one owns animals anyhow. But I'm not talking about mine. I have cats- MY cats wouldn't harm me but a random street cat would tear me up before I got the better or it but likely it'd run away leaving me bleeding and infected.
Fuck those fuckers. My aunt owned a turkey farm. For some reasons, adults think it is funny to watch kids being chased by turkeys. Then we took a trip to Canada and I got attacked by geese. Those assholes are angry beasts. I hate them. They were relentless and I was 4 feet tall. Then dad took me goose hunting. Thats how I lost my fear....I also grew 1.5 feet. I'd fight them without fear. Those assholes all deserve a kick in the head. I've never dealt with a more annoying animal.
I grew up on a turkey farm, not bronze turkeys tho we reared the white ones. They were fucked up vicious creatures that used to literally peck each others faces off. I never had the guts as a child to go near them.
Don't judge turkeys by the white breeds used on commercial farms. Those are inbred degenerate breeds with a lot of problems. The heritage breeds I've raised have all been lovely.
I know they're like this but jog through a gaggle every other day during the summer and haven't had them bother me. They just waddle out of the way. They come back to the same spot every year though, so maybe they're used to it.
City geese have usually fucked around and found out. I watched one fuck with a 12yo on a razor scooter and the kid thumped it with the tail of the scooter.. then got the fuck outta there because some karen started bitching at him for "bothering the geese"
I giggle at the thought of a guy going ham on a goose, or gaggle of geese because he has beef with such foul fowl. At least we know he ain’t no chicken, and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If he’s really good and prepared, he can kill two birds with one stone.
I don’t blame you fren. Don’t you ever throw in the towel against that fowl, and don't you ever let them walk all over you, or should I say goose step all over you. 😎
The problem is people don't really want to hurt an animal. A goose will hurt you but it's not really a lethal threat, more an embarrassing one. But if you really had to kill a goose it'd be pretty fucking easy, you just power through and grab that fucking neck and rip it in half.
It's perception. My neighbor had geese in her backyard. Another neighbor kid about 3-4 years old got into her yard and killed every one by snapping their necks
.
Well, like Other fafo's, geese are 'relentless and vicious' against noncombatant humans who are retreating while trying to not hurt them and just be left alone.
If a human decides they're sick of a goose's sh¡t, that's the moment that the goose is already dead.
I think it’s fair to say the Americans don’t do themselves many favors either - there isn’t a pair of men alive that could beat a Gorilla, or a Chimp for that matter, let alone an Elephant. This is the over-confident thinking that left us without victory in Viet Nam, and the sandbox-Halliburton wars…
They dont weigh a lot, yes they are strong and fast but with reach and weight advantage there would be lots of options. Sweep and stomp, avoid the grab.
Fuck off a gorilla tho, impossible.
Grip strength 400 lbs. Benches 1,250 to 2,000 lbs. if the chimp is able to grab one of your long limbs, he can, snap it like a twig or climb it to your head. I would never wrestle a chimp.
If your aunt had a dick she'd be your uncle.
I would seek to avoid being grabbed. Brute strength is for lesser apes. Without set conditions regarding a fight, speculating on the result is foolish. OP said unarmed, does a poisoned banana count as a weapon? Does sand? Cayenne pepper? What environment are we in? Inside, outside, are there trees, water, heights, obstructions? No chimp alive benches over a ton, get real.
A martial artist could likely take a chimp down with a whole bunch of leg kicks. The chimp probably isn't use to seeing anything like that so it'll work fairly easily.
Not that I'm a martial artist.
Leg kicks wouldn't do it, but a BJJ practitioner might be able to pull off a choke, before getting his arms torn out of its sockets.
My money is on the chimp.
I do not like monkeys at all. Filthy creatures, and I got attacked by a monkey as a kid (it was supposed to be tame and the store owner let people put their fingers into the cage.....damn thing went ape-sh*t on me and I almost lost a finger).
Wow.
I guess that's where they got the phrase "stop monkeying around."
My money is still on a whole bunch of leg kicks directly to the head.
Knock out the damn primate into dreaming of bunches of bananas, or even into banana heaven.
Exactly it takes coordination and weapons to down an elephant. What are you gonna do, kick it in the shins? Without a weapon there is literally zero way to get an elephant into submission.
Fighting a cat is worse than fighting like half the animals on that list. They’re lightning fast, ferocious when cornered, and have razor blades for hands. You are probably thinking of Buttercup, the declawed house kitty next door ...
You’re going to take damage for sure, but if you’re a full grown man, and you can’t kill a cat, or at least knock it unconscious within a few seconds, you’re silly. If it sneaks up on me and already has it’s teeth and claws sunk into my arm, it has already neutralized itself, and chosen death. Can you guess what comes next if it does that to me? Now, if you told me I had to catch an aggressive/feral cat with my bare hands, and kill it, that’s a whole different story. I’m sure I could still do it, but it would be a much much more painful, and dangerous event for me, and I’d likely have a bunch of wounds to be cleaned, and tended too or I’d die of infection. Now, if I’m allowed to have boots on, that could very well be a game changer. I’ve been attacked by a shitbull before, and I didn’t have a car nearby to jump on, and I swear the boots made the difference. I pulled my blade in case he knocked me down, but a swift kick to his jaw with my boot was enough to make him rethink his choice. I was also lucky, because I know there are shitbulls out there who would have regrouped and come right back for more.
I am no fan of pitbulls, in fact, I just might hate pitbulls. A strange "animal" story for me though was with a deer. I was hunting and in my spot, pretty much just enjoying the sounds and not really focusing on any targets, just really enjoying nature, it was my zen, if you will. Well, a deer thought he would be funny by coming into my bush, but he had to get all aggressive at me, which made me afraid for my safety. I wasn't gonna shoot him, he was not in season, but he sure did try to get me too. It was a pretty hairy situation. He lived, and so did I, but those pitbulls, good lord, I do not like pitbulls.
Yea, I had never encountered one that knew I knew it was there and still came over. It freaked me out but I got over it as a one off. It was very aggressive.
For sure. The man is gonna be the first winner, because he's going to kill the cat. Might be blind afterward, but that doesn't matter much, because in about a week, he'll be dead from the septicemia. At that point, I guess the cat is the winner.
You’re delusional and have clearly never fought a cat. You think it’s going to just bite you and hang on? Lmao. Cats become absolutely vicious when cornered or outsized.
You’re exact the type that will get fucked up by a cat because you’re overconfident. You’ll have a vicious, screaming, lightning fast bag of razor blades in your face before you can even know what’s happening
🤣 did you just skip the post from guy I was replying to?
You think it’s going to just bite you and hang on? Lmao. Cats become absolutely vicious when cornered or outsized.
No I don’t, and I even addressed that in my reply. to the guy who does think that.
You’re exact the type that will get fucked up by a cat because you’re overconfident.
How the fuck did you get that from my reply?!? WTF are you smoking, and how many cats do you have to fill the obvious void in your life. Obviously the toxoplasmosis is taking its toll on you, and your brain. Good luck with that.
Yeah you'd probably get scratched up pretty bad but it wouldn't be that hard. Get your hand around its neck and choke the life out it or failing that grab it by the tail and slam it on the floor.
If it’s attacking you, it would be very difficult, but if you could somehow get a hold of it’s neck, you could just grab it from the other end, and pull both directions and separate it’s spine. This works great on rats also. Good luck doing this to an attacking feral cat though. You be better off just hulk smashing/stomping if it got close to you.
Also depends on the size of the house cat. I've ran off some interloping tomcats, but I will say this much, if two tigers meet in the forest, one will be mauled and the other one killed. So if you think that you will survive, then you're going to be mauled. Otherwise run away from that freaking demon!
Go read Edgar Allen Poe's "The Murders of Rue Morgue", which was only an orangutan, I know it's fiction, but it's based on some experience with a great ape, and tell me you'd take on a chimp
You're 15-30% body fat. A chimp is 1-3%. His 150 is like a 200 lb man and ripped. The grip is so strong you couldn't escape if you wanted to. The bite force is so fast you'd have no time to break it's jaw.
That chimp would kick a hole through you so fast it'd make your head spin. There's a reason man invented weapons. We'd have no chance against many animals without them.
You watched Congo too many times bud, they are not that coordinated out of trees, can't jump over 3 ft high and can't swim. They only slap and grab and bite. How would one kick a hole through me with legs 2 feet long? I agree that a sharp stick solves lots of problems but saying it's not possible for a large trained man doesn't give man much credit vs beast. Would it be easy? Fuck no, but I'd lose a hand shoving my arm down its throat to choke it if it did get me compromised. I never said it would be easy or that id be unscathed, but it is possible. Like I wrote earlier, I doubt one alone would fight a larger human alone unless starved or coerced. It's not how they fight.
Buffalo jump combined with fire, dust, ample cover and a shitload of drugs (you don't fight an elephant on an empty stomach)
Barring that, I would need a height advantage to get on top of the pachyderm whereupon I would either disable the combatant's eyesight, or climb inside its asshole and rip and tear my way back out
I believe that anyone could obliterate a goose in a fight. But nobody wants to be that guy that grabs a goose by the neck and throws it in front of children at a park. The geese have recognized this.
Yes, birds are smart enough to realize that humans aren't a threat if they regularly test them and they get their way (you running away and avoiding their babies).
It's the same "intelligence" that you'll notice firsthand if you go to a populous city or a park where people feed birds, the birds don't mind coming right up to you. Meanwhile, if you go deep into the woods and try to approach a bird, it will run away scared.
Geese have realized that humans don't mess with them and are scared of them. The reason humans are scared of them is, in my opinion, because nobody wants to be "that guy" that actually takes on a goose in front of children.
Obviously this is mostly a joke, but it's more or less the reality. No man actually believes he can't take on a goose, but he'll still walk away if a goose approaches him menacingly in a park.
Who are the 25-30% who couldn’t beat a rat? Just stomp the thing (while wearing some good boots). An angry cat would not be fun, but I’m confident I would be the (scratch-covered) victor.
I think it would only be fair for both parties to be unclothed since the animal is going to be unclothed. Humans would obviously still win against rats.
By using my leg reach. By luring it into treacherous terrain using my faster sprint speed and greater stamina. By defending high ground and kicking/throwing/ pushing it to its death. By greasing myself up so it cant grab me easily. Sorry a weak small bastard like you isnt in the top 10% of men.
LOL. I know you think you can take on a chimp, but you're wrong. You have absolutely no idea. They have muscle fibres five times denser than humans, bites worse than any dog ever bred, and hormone levels that would kill a human.
You think you can kick a chimp to death, but you don't seem to understand that anything you put within reach of an angry chimp, you're gonna lose.
As soon as your foot gets anywhere close to it, it's gonna catch your ankle and strip all the flesh and muscles off your leg as easily as shucking a corn cob. You're not going to get free. You really need to understand how ridiculously strong they are.
Can you bench 1000lbs? An average chimpanzee can.
You're not fighting a angry little furry human, you're fighting three of the strongest guys you've ever met condensed into a child-sized nightmare that has no concept of restraint.
No an average chimp can not bp a ton. Quit misinforming yourself and others. Strength isn't everything in a fistfight either. I do not share your fear.
Terrain and technique. They really dont fight alone in the wild. They swarm and pin down and bite. Individually that isnt going to work against a 2m man with 50-80 lbs of body weight on them. Set it up and i'd do it just to prove i could. I think I'd be able to scare ONE off just through alpha posturing. But 3 or more in open terrain? I'm running. The last conflict i was in it took 4 grown men to get me off my feet.
Idk what Discovery show you have been watching. A chimpanzee has 2x the muscle per pound of ANY human and they can bench press up to 2000 pounds. What do you max out at? And unless you weigh over 400 pounds you won't be getting out of their grip because that maxes out at around 500 pounds. Best of luck.
A house cat isn't gonna kill you but if one really wanted to kick your ass, I doubt you could catch it to do much. If you did get your hands on it, you're gonna let go pretty quick. It'd bite and scratch the shit out of you, climbing your ass like a tree until it was tired and then leave.
Thinking you could take a chimp is a good way to lose your eyes, nuts, and face.
Yeah sorry bud Ive fought a crazy house cat. Take your scratches and get your hands on it. Wont last long. I just threw the one outside, but easily could have killed it with a squeeze. Arm was torn up but thats fine.
If you actually think about it, you would be able to fight an Elephant more effectively than a Grizzly bear. But neither deserve us wanting to kill them, and they can both kill us very quickly. The house cat thing is pretty funny though. A cat COULD kill you, their claws are razor blades and for anyone that has been scratched, they can potentially bleed you out if you put up no resistance. But all that is nonsense, we should love all the animals (especially the tasty ones) not dwell on if we could kill them. Nothing makes me see red more than a democrat abusing an animal.
Wolf? 6-7 feet long, 3 feet tall, 100-150 lbs, and doesn't know how to lose. My man here is gonna demonstrate how to beat one with a stick 😂. Now a cat on the other hand, I've seen enough video of a cat whooping a humans ass to know better than to screw with one of those bad boys.
Lots to nit pick about this poll (a wolf is just a large dog), but I'm with you on this one, the chimp being so low on the list is the most egregious.
I'd sooner face the crocodile and have a chance of grappling them than have a 1 on 1 with a chimp. You're not walking away from that fight in any condition in which you want to go on living.
I'm curious about the ~18% who think they can take a chimpanzee in a fist fight, let alone the ~8% who think they could beat a gorilla. Do these people just not have a comprehension of how fucking strong apes are compared to humans? And that's not even factoring in that a chimp will fucking bite your face off...
I had a goose square up on me. Wings out, chest out.
I was like "Bruh, for one your wings are useless. You've got your neck out for me to grab and throttle that ass. Otherwise, I could punt your chest in."
Then several more showed up and I dipped, but I'm certain I would have whooped that ones ass.
"Can geese actually hurt you? Humans are very rarely attacked by geese, but it does happen. They're very territorial animals and can certainly cause injury if they do decide to attack you. Geese may bite or hit you with their exceptionally strong wings and can occasionally cause a serious injury."
Basically, Brits are pussies, even by their own standards
Geese can be intimidating as fuck. I've had to square off with one multiple times. They'll spread their wings and start hissing. They will chase you if you turn and run. You'll want to keep your face out of reach of their beaks. Damned things hurt.
flex time! :)....fought everything up to large dog, except eagle, won each time...the only one where I came out without bleeding is the goose. it was a mean SOB, but a quick grab around it's neck, lifting it off its feet, and the long sleeved coat I was wearing, made it pretty harmless.
I was in high school, it was the neighbor ladys goose and I was trying to score points with her daughter, who didn't want me to hurt it...dated her, the daughter, for a few months until they had to move out of state....not that you were actually asking for a story, but there you go :) (thumbs up emoji)
You might be able to win a fight with a juvenile eagle, or a crippled one, or one of the smaller species. But a healthy adult bald eagle would fuck you up.
Most people would get destroyed by an angry dog without a weapon. LOL. People are so full of shit. What's funny though is people have overestimated the king cobra. If you dodge its first attack, and then grab its end, and slam it on the ground you can kill it. You just have to be smart when fighting it.
I'm impressed by how many people think they would lose to an eagle. They got sharp claws, but their ground game ain't shit lol. Put them in a wing-bar and make them submit
Bruh I got bad news for you I don't think an unarmed human can beat any of those. Maybe a rat but you'd have rabies for sure, and I've seen some seriously fucked up house cats that will wreck your shit
Nah. Anything small is dead. They have to get close; take your scratches and just twist its neck. Even dogs. Chimp level and down is where it gets questionable. And thats mostly on the Cobra...everything else will wreck a human.
you obviously never owned a cat, they're not all furry little fluff balls who sit and purr all day. i had a cat, we named him "Rambo" because he was fucking crazy and always won in the end. when ever we took him to the vet we gave up on putting him in a carry cage and just opted for throwing a blanket over him and bringing him there that way. we'd call the vet ahead of time to tell him we were coming in with "Rambo".
the noises that came out of the examination room were horrific.
i have a cat now, his name is "Spot" he's all black with a white spot under his chin, he just showed up one day and adopted the street, kills anything he gets his claws into and usually eats it, except for rats, his relationship with rats runs along the line of lions and hyenas. if he sees or smells a rat he'll hunt it and kill it, then just pulls the head off and leaves it there, he's always fighting with a cat next street over, he came home one day with half his scalp hanging off and acted like it was no big deal, he just kept licking his paw and running it over the flap till it healed,
cats are little killing machines, just look at the youtube videos of Russian street cats that will stands its ground against 2 or 3 dogs or the one the will bitch slap alligators without any fear
But in the end the cat loses. A cat can't even beat a dog. Your fear and love for cats doesn't change the dynamic of how easy it is to dominate an animal that weighs 1/20th of what you do.
First level commoners die to housecats.
We really are surrounded by NPCs.
A high leaping animal made of liquid with long skinny fangs and needle hooked claws who can see in the dark. You would get beat up before you even got to grab it. Also cats attack from behind by biting the spine of their prey. The 30% are those who have house cats!
Bro what kind of American runs from a fictional fight? we not only kill the cat we blast it into a pastry!
I'm a girl what can I say. I'm willing to fight people if I have to but I do better talking nice to animals in my sweet voice and they submit.
This makes sense, use the skills given to you.
Gain its trust, then betray it
Leaving it with no resources, a stressed friend group, and a mild case of depression...oh wait different prey.
Damn, JumboJon. I felt that.
Kek
I’m actually this way too, more just because I’m kind of a cat whisperer lol (idk, it’s strange but true — will go to strangers’ house and get a kitty purring on my lap when they’re like “huh, weird. S/he usually hates everyone but jumped right on you); but my wife and I also have a huge 25lb cat that’s kinda neurotic so sometimes there’s no alternative to getting physical. He’s had my wife in situations where she was genuinely scared, and I have to go in and physically subdue him (usually an arm across the stomach while pushed against a wall does it. Sounds mean but it does no harm and it’s genuinely the only way to get him to stop).
They sense fear - when he gets like this, he’ll literally go after my wife, like… full force, brutal stuff. But the second I walk in he stops and arches his back, puffs up his tail and hisses while he’s kind of slowly backing off/thinking what to do (he’ll still attack me sometimes though). Cat still loves me, and usually prefers cuddles, he’s just… genuinely bipolar or something and he’s absolutely brutal sometimes with my wife (who he also usually loves), and our female cat (who he tried to get lovey with too sometimes but he’s caused her so much distress she won’t let him get anywhere near her).
Maine Coon? I remember a friend had one of the same weight and I thought yeah, this cat decided when play is over not the person lol. That's good stuff, animals communicate with energy and body language. Your cat could have some brain misfiring or something leading to the aggression. My male cat use to try to go after my smaller animals which is totally natural, and a few times of holding him up against the wall w a hand under his armpits and staring him in the eyes w a stern voice and he never did it again. They're smarter than we give them credit for.
He’s super intelligent - too much for his own good, and I think that’s half the issue. He needs as much attention and stimulation as a dog, and he’s incredibly territorial (he’ll spend forever scratching at nothing on the litter box, he’ll follow our female around anytime she tries to eat or go to the bathroom, etc. I feel so bad because she’s the sweetest thing and genuinely traumatized by him. We’re also about to — God willing — be bringing our first born home within the next few days and am a bit worried how he’ll react to the new addition lol).
Oh, and to answer your question: no, not a maine coon, just a big orange jerk (tabby I presume but I’m sure he’s got other breeds in there). He’s just naturally massive, too. Like, he is overweight, but not by that much apparently. You can feel the muscles in his chest, it’s pretty crazy.
But yea, he sets the rules. He finds plastic to chew on to either wake us up or annoy us when he wants to be fed. If he’s low on food, he won’t touch it but instead try and get us to give him more because he gets anxiety from an empty bowl. Also, deep down, he’s a big giant ham and scaredy cat (we’ll joke sometimes when he’s trying to boss the other around about how he cries any times he’s in the car, even wets himself sometimes, while the other cat is perfectly content)
Edit - and that’s funny, that’s exactly what I did with my cat (holding him and talking to him while staring him down), except he got the nerve to strike back and gave me a good slice across my eye (hooked the lid, damn close to actual eyeball haha). The way I reacted to that, however, and he’s never physically challenged me since (but does definitely still play the mental games) — he’ll run away tail-tucked now anytime he knows I’m upset at him and stand up lol
You'll have to be rid of him. He will attack your newborn.
You gonna get got by a housecat. I can see it now.
LOL well I have two (shriek! I know) so I'm armed for any cats that might try to get me.
You sound like you have never pissed off a goose (which has the backing of the federal government behind its life)
The trick to dealing with geese is pretend you're down by 2 points at the Super Bowl with 10 seconds on the clock and you're within field goal range.
Oh yeah Geese can sure be mean
LOL me too, growing up a neighbor had them and whenever you went in their yard you got attacked!
I remember being shorter than a swan..
Geese are aggressive assholes, sure, but they're aggressive assholes with hollow bones. If not for the migratory bird treaty making people hesitate, one good hit could cripple the damn thing.
The don't even have real teeth right?
The birds work for the bourgeoisie.
Your average goose really isn't a problem. Those Canadian Geese tho? Hiss, spit, bite, try and claw at you with their feet.
No we send it to space. Fuck that fictional cat. Probably a communist.
Into...pastry? A sweet thing you eat for breakfast?
That's a new one.
I think you meant "into paste."
Did I stutter? We blast it into a pasty. as Americans in a hypothetical setting we consider gun powder to be sugar! And we love PETA! (people eating tasty animals)
...so anyway, I started blastin'...
A house cat's mouth/jaw aren't big enough or strong enough to damage a human spine.
Their fangs and claws only inflict superficial damage.
A cat doesn't stand a chance against a human.
An old guy I know was put on the hospital by a barn cat. He cornered the thing and it tore him up before he even had a chance. It was the fever from all the scratches that almost killed him. And like I said, he is an old guy.
That's a Ted Nugent song. And album.
CAT SCRATCH FEVER!
https://youtu.be/q_i1YSa9xww?t=68
Great song. You do know it's not about that kind of cat but about the kind of pussy they let you grab. 😉
Oh yeah. But it needed to be on the thread!
Indeed it did. 😉
Cat scratches get septic real fast.
Yes, if cats don’t have their shots, and are not cared for, yes, a scratch, and a bite from a cat can actually kill a human. If you’re ever scratched or bit by a feral cat, see a doctor immediately. Yes, you can die from it.
Where it gets you is the infection later. Cat teeth are skinny and long and deposit bacteria deep in a wound, which is so narrow it easily closes up over the pocket of infection. I wouldn't want that near my spine or on my face. Again not saying you couldn't win the fight but it's nasty. There's a reason cats are built to be obligate carnivores.
True cats are the only true carnivores
I have a 6kg cat and I'm 100kg. I could kill a house cat but it's highly likely I would get fucked up if the cats in kill mode from the get go. Ide rather fight a 60kg man anyday before a 6kg cat
Exactly. They're pretty relentless. It's not like walking up to a cat just walking around and grabbing them.
Until I claw your eye, then it no longer superficial
HAHA great username! And right on!
Username checks out
An untreated cat bite can become infected and put you in the hospital.
Happened to my dad. (The cat in question was terrified during a cross-country move.)
I've been bitten deep in my hand. Treated it with several times a day soaks in saturated salt solutions, followed by peroxide, and antimicrobial essential oils. It was fine. You don't really need antibiotics but you have to be truly hyper vigilant about treating it for a while.
I thought you were going to describe Monte Python's Vorpal Rabbit:
I prefer Bunnicula ;)
Had to look that one up.
Might be a relative of mine.
:D now that would be a cute badass cartoon. I wish I could draw!
Lol. Cat worshippers are weird. I have had a dozen cats over my life and even as a child I would have had no problem beating the hell out of a cat in a fight. Would I get scratched, sure. Would I be happy about it, nope. But zero doubt in my mind I could handle a cat. I mean once you have the dumb thing by the back of the neck it goes into submission so there's only one spot on my body it can attack where I can't reach it there, but if it climbs on my back I just squash it on a wall or tree.
If you can't handle a house cat unarmed, you should not own it.
Have fun grabbing a bag of spinning razor blades
I’d fight a dog or kangaroo any day of the week than a cat.
Bag of spinning razor blades, I love that. Razor blades and unbarbed fish hooks!
It's not a would you rather hypothetical. It's could you beat....
People "own" horses and could be stomped to death and do nothing about it. I don't believe one owns animals anyhow. But I'm not talking about mine. I have cats- MY cats wouldn't harm me but a random street cat would tear me up before I got the better or it but likely it'd run away leaving me bleeding and infected.
The Brits did not do well in this poll.
Why are they so much more afraid of a goose than we are? That is the biggest thing I took away from this.
Geese are hardcore mfers.
Fuck those fuckers. My aunt owned a turkey farm. For some reasons, adults think it is funny to watch kids being chased by turkeys. Then we took a trip to Canada and I got attacked by geese. Those assholes are angry beasts. I hate them. They were relentless and I was 4 feet tall. Then dad took me goose hunting. Thats how I lost my fear....I also grew 1.5 feet. I'd fight them without fear. Those assholes all deserve a kick in the head. I've never dealt with a more annoying animal.
I grew up on a turkey farm, not bronze turkeys tho we reared the white ones. They were fucked up vicious creatures that used to literally peck each others faces off. I never had the guts as a child to go near them.
Don't judge turkeys by the white breeds used on commercial farms. Those are inbred degenerate breeds with a lot of problems. The heritage breeds I've raised have all been lovely.
Get attacked by one and find out, they are relentless vicious bastards that hit hard and try to peck your face.
They wouldn't be as much of a challenge compared to a dog, but I have fought enough of them know to avoid them.
What got you into fights with so many geese?
My old boss lived on a farm and had a gaggle of the bastards for security. They eventually stopped attacking me after I booted them a few times.
I know they're like this but jog through a gaggle every other day during the summer and haven't had them bother me. They just waddle out of the way. They come back to the same spot every year though, so maybe they're used to it.
City geese have usually fucked around and found out. I watched one fuck with a 12yo on a razor scooter and the kid thumped it with the tail of the scooter.. then got the fuck outta there because some karen started bitching at him for "bothering the geese"
I giggle at the thought of a guy going ham on a goose, or gaggle of geese because he has beef with such foul fowl. At least we know he ain’t no chicken, and what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If he’s really good and prepared, he can kill two birds with one stone.
Lol... I just commented how this was basically me. I have an ongoing vendetta against them.
I don’t blame you fren. Don’t you ever throw in the towel against that fowl, and don't you ever let them walk all over you, or should I say goose step all over you. 😎
He lived to tell the tale, lucky bastard
canadian geese migrate here occasionally - they are an aggressive nuisance
https://youtu.be/Pf3MqNXqW-g
The problem is people don't really want to hurt an animal. A goose will hurt you but it's not really a lethal threat, more an embarrassing one. But if you really had to kill a goose it'd be pretty fucking easy, you just power through and grab that fucking neck and rip it in half.
Often times it’s the same thing that happens when a child, or women attacks a man.
Bingo.
Seems simple to me, snap their fucking necks.
It's perception. My neighbor had geese in her backyard. Another neighbor kid about 3-4 years old got into her yard and killed every one by snapping their necks .
Impressive but also a bit scary, what a little savage.
Well, like Other fafo's, geese are 'relentless and vicious' against noncombatant humans who are retreating while trying to not hurt them and just be left alone.
If a human decides they're sick of a goose's sh¡t, that's the moment that the goose is already dead.
(ah, saw the kicked-them update 😁)
experience
Untitled Goose Game...
More exposure.
I think it’s fair to say the Americans don’t do themselves many favors either - there isn’t a pair of men alive that could beat a Gorilla, or a Chimp for that matter, let alone an Elephant. This is the over-confident thinking that left us without victory in Viet Nam, and the sandbox-Halliburton wars…
Private Joker is silly and ignorant, but he's got guts. And guts is enough.
Updoot for the full metal jacket reference. I think it was private pile though.
It was Joker. Pyle didn't get promoted.
I used the "what is your major malfunction, numbnuts?" line on a kid at work and he.. didn't get the reference. Un fucking believable.
Did your parents have any children that lived? I laughed my arse off at that one.
Yeah, this is really an IQ test. A chimp would tear you in half, I don't think a gorilla would even waste that much energy
Yeah, I 100% gotta stop at large dog lol. A chimp is no joke.
They dont weigh a lot, yes they are strong and fast but with reach and weight advantage there would be lots of options. Sweep and stomp, avoid the grab. Fuck off a gorilla tho, impossible.
Grip strength 400 lbs. Benches 1,250 to 2,000 lbs. if the chimp is able to grab one of your long limbs, he can, snap it like a twig or climb it to your head. I would never wrestle a chimp.
If your aunt had a dick she'd be your uncle. I would seek to avoid being grabbed. Brute strength is for lesser apes. Without set conditions regarding a fight, speculating on the result is foolish. OP said unarmed, does a poisoned banana count as a weapon? Does sand? Cayenne pepper? What environment are we in? Inside, outside, are there trees, water, heights, obstructions? No chimp alive benches over a ton, get real.
I imagine it as you encounter them in the wild and think whatever you find in your environment would be fair game.
I see lots of different numbers on their strength. No idea which is right. It is just a lot more than you would think based on size.
A martial artist could likely take a chimp down with a whole bunch of leg kicks. The chimp probably isn't use to seeing anything like that so it'll work fairly easily.
Not that I'm a martial artist.
Leg kicks wouldn't do it, but a BJJ practitioner might be able to pull off a choke, before getting his arms torn out of its sockets.
My money is on the chimp.
I do not like monkeys at all. Filthy creatures, and I got attacked by a monkey as a kid (it was supposed to be tame and the store owner let people put their fingers into the cage.....damn thing went ape-sh*t on me and I almost lost a finger).
Chimps are EXTREMELY strong.
Look how effortlessly this hairless monster climbs this square post and then nimbly walks across wires:
https://youtu.be/Z-lJo9qkdIY?t=68s
They would go for the fingers (biting them off), eyes (gouging/ripping them out), face (see eyes + bites), and genitals (¯\_(ツ)_/¯).
Wow.
I guess that's where they got the phrase "stop monkeying around."
My money is still on a whole bunch of leg kicks directly to the head.
Knock out the damn primate into dreaming of bunches of bananas, or even into banana heaven.
Humans are still the deadliest creature ever created. But this scenario takes away our biggest weapon; our brain and ability to make tools.
If it's just brute force on brute force, we're definitely further down the food chain than we'd like to believe.
I'd certainly rather face a cobra than a chimpanzee in the octagon..
Who needs projectiles when a piano on a skyrise will do. I'm pretty sure we invented music to tame the best, and then kill it if that fails.
Vietnam had more to do with the CIA pulling intel out of their collective ass
Yeap.
No one can beat an elephant.
Ancient armies didn't use as war elephants for no reason.
Exactly it takes coordination and weapons to down an elephant. What are you gonna do, kick it in the shins? Without a weapon there is literally zero way to get an elephant into submission.
All I get from this is that Brits are total pussies when it come to waterfowl….
What's the worst a goose could do? Give you salmonella??
I wouldn't fuck around with a goose personally
You'll have nightmares of all the honking, just like justin trudeau
But did you die?
They are really aggressive, attack dogs and what not and they make this really weird hissing sound that’s a bit unsettling tbh.
I see you’ve never been goosed fren. 😁
Fighting a cat is worse than fighting like half the animals on that list. They’re lightning fast, ferocious when cornered, and have razor blades for hands. You are probably thinking of Buttercup, the declawed house kitty next door ...
Neither did Americans.
Hard to toss a cat when it has all its claws and teeth sunk into your arm, eh?
You’re going to take damage for sure, but if you’re a full grown man, and you can’t kill a cat, or at least knock it unconscious within a few seconds, you’re silly. If it sneaks up on me and already has it’s teeth and claws sunk into my arm, it has already neutralized itself, and chosen death. Can you guess what comes next if it does that to me? Now, if you told me I had to catch an aggressive/feral cat with my bare hands, and kill it, that’s a whole different story. I’m sure I could still do it, but it would be a much much more painful, and dangerous event for me, and I’d likely have a bunch of wounds to be cleaned, and tended too or I’d die of infection. Now, if I’m allowed to have boots on, that could very well be a game changer. I’ve been attacked by a shitbull before, and I didn’t have a car nearby to jump on, and I swear the boots made the difference. I pulled my blade in case he knocked me down, but a swift kick to his jaw with my boot was enough to make him rethink his choice. I was also lucky, because I know there are shitbulls out there who would have regrouped and come right back for more.
I am no fan of pitbulls, in fact, I just might hate pitbulls. A strange "animal" story for me though was with a deer. I was hunting and in my spot, pretty much just enjoying the sounds and not really focusing on any targets, just really enjoying nature, it was my zen, if you will. Well, a deer thought he would be funny by coming into my bush, but he had to get all aggressive at me, which made me afraid for my safety. I wasn't gonna shoot him, he was not in season, but he sure did try to get me too. It was a pretty hairy situation. He lived, and so did I, but those pitbulls, good lord, I do not like pitbulls.
That deer must have been starving or something. That’s some weird shit.
Yea, I had never encountered one that knew I knew it was there and still came over. It freaked me out but I got over it as a one off. It was very aggressive.
Honestly probably should’ve killed it
For sure. The man is gonna be the first winner, because he's going to kill the cat. Might be blind afterward, but that doesn't matter much, because in about a week, he'll be dead from the septicemia. At that point, I guess the cat is the winner.
Everyone wins.
❤️
FOUND THE 🐱
You’re delusional and have clearly never fought a cat. You think it’s going to just bite you and hang on? Lmao. Cats become absolutely vicious when cornered or outsized.
You’re exact the type that will get fucked up by a cat because you’re overconfident. You’ll have a vicious, screaming, lightning fast bag of razor blades in your face before you can even know what’s happening
🤣 did you just skip the post from guy I was replying to?
No I don’t, and I even addressed that in my reply. to the guy who does think that.
How the fuck did you get that from my reply?!? WTF are you smoking, and how many cats do you have to fill the obvious void in your life. Obviously the toxoplasmosis is taking its toll on you, and your brain. Good luck with that.
Just tear it's head off while it's on you. Game over.
Definitely agree
just sit on it
Yeah you'd probably get scratched up pretty bad but it wouldn't be that hard. Get your hand around its neck and choke the life out it or failing that grab it by the tail and slam it on the floor.
If it’s attacking you, it would be very difficult, but if you could somehow get a hold of it’s neck, you could just grab it from the other end, and pull both directions and separate it’s spine. This works great on rats also. Good luck doing this to an attacking feral cat though. You be better off just hulk smashing/stomping if it got close to you.
You’ll reach for its neck and grab a bag of razor blades instead. Good luck
Also depends on the size of the house cat. I've ran off some interloping tomcats, but I will say this much, if two tigers meet in the forest, one will be mauled and the other one killed. So if you think that you will survive, then you're going to be mauled. Otherwise run away from that freaking demon!
Two equal foes is not the same as man vs housecat. Man wins unless he's such a pussy he can't fathom harming a kitty.
I think it's more just flat out refusal to fight a cat.
WTF kind of american would fight an Eagle?
A liberal, obviously.
Correct!
Probably someone with livestock 😆
Go read Edgar Allen Poe's "The Murders of Rue Morgue", which was only an orangutan, I know it's fiction, but it's based on some experience with a great ape, and tell me you'd take on a chimp
Absolutely. A chimp you'd have almost 0 chance
Simultaneously rip your face and package off
Yep they love eating junk
130-150lbs is not big.
A bite force of 1300 psi compared to our 160psi is big. It's HUGE. I think a pitbull has a bit force of around 230psi. Chimp would mess yo ass up.
An open jaw is an easily broken jaw.
You're 15-30% body fat. A chimp is 1-3%. His 150 is like a 200 lb man and ripped. The grip is so strong you couldn't escape if you wanted to. The bite force is so fast you'd have no time to break it's jaw.
That chimp would kick a hole through you so fast it'd make your head spin. There's a reason man invented weapons. We'd have no chance against many animals without them.
You watched Congo too many times bud, they are not that coordinated out of trees, can't jump over 3 ft high and can't swim. They only slap and grab and bite. How would one kick a hole through me with legs 2 feet long? I agree that a sharp stick solves lots of problems but saying it's not possible for a large trained man doesn't give man much credit vs beast. Would it be easy? Fuck no, but I'd lose a hand shoving my arm down its throat to choke it if it did get me compromised. I never said it would be easy or that id be unscathed, but it is possible. Like I wrote earlier, I doubt one alone would fight a larger human alone unless starved or coerced. It's not how they fight.
I doubt even a very skilled mma fighter could take down a chimp. The strength difference is like men vs women.
I need more information to come to a conclusion. Am I fighting the elephant on his turf or mine?
It did specify unarmed. How would you go about it?
Buffalo jump combined with fire, dust, ample cover and a shitload of drugs (you don't fight an elephant on an empty stomach)
Barring that, I would need a height advantage to get on top of the pachyderm whereupon I would either disable the combatant's eyesight, or climb inside its asshole and rip and tear my way back out
I love you guys
That reminded me of the Ace Ventura birthing scene
A mouse to distract the elephant, then jam a thorn in its foot.
Do I have access to a pig, some pitch, and fire?
What's the pig for?
Romans would use pigs as countermeasures to war elephants. There are reports they would sometimes set them on fire and send them at the enemy.
Turns out, elephants are scared of squealing, burning, running pigs.
Those same Romans invented bacon.
Romans had such effective anti-elephant countermeasures that their opponents stopped fielding them completely.
Today I learned...
victory feast
So improvised weapons aren't allowed either? Hmmm...
The disparity in the Goose category just goes to show how much Americans hate, nay, loathe Canadian geese.
*Raises hand. Dear Canada, please come get these evil fuckers and take them back.
The fact that Goose isn't somewhere higher than a king cobra has me believing this poll is complete BS
Swans are much worse. Evil fucks.
Goose or swan is no match if I’ve got a rake.
A human versus a Canadian goose fight would be similar to an Alien vs Predator battle.
I believe that anyone could obliterate a goose in a fight. But nobody wants to be that guy that grabs a goose by the neck and throws it in front of children at a park. The geese have recognized this.
Yes, birds are smart enough to realize that humans aren't a threat if they regularly test them and they get their way (you running away and avoiding their babies).
It's the same "intelligence" that you'll notice firsthand if you go to a populous city or a park where people feed birds, the birds don't mind coming right up to you. Meanwhile, if you go deep into the woods and try to approach a bird, it will run away scared.
Geese have realized that humans don't mess with them and are scared of them. The reason humans are scared of them is, in my opinion, because nobody wants to be "that guy" that actually takes on a goose in front of children.
Obviously this is mostly a joke, but it's more or less the reality. No man actually believes he can't take on a goose, but he'll still walk away if a goose approaches him menacingly in a park.
https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/2018/04/23/watch-out-goose-attacks-michigan-high-school-golfer/ whoops
I will NOT mess with a goose.
A swan? Ha! Never.
Who are the 25-30% who couldn’t beat a rat? Just stomp the thing (while wearing some good boots). An angry cat would not be fun, but I’m confident I would be the (scratch-covered) victor.
no one wants to risk missing and catch the black death
I think it would only be fair for both parties to be unclothed since the animal is going to be unclothed. Humans would obviously still win against rats.
Many animals have built in armor, so I think clothes are fair game.
15+% of people think they could take a chimp that's special it would tear you apart
No, Gorilla yes, Chimp no. A large man would have reach and weight advantage. They cant kick.
I think that chimp is getting ahold of you, ripping chunks of you off with his teeth and you are bleeding out. How could you end the fight barehanded?
By using my leg reach. By luring it into treacherous terrain using my faster sprint speed and greater stamina. By defending high ground and kicking/throwing/ pushing it to its death. By greasing myself up so it cant grab me easily. Sorry a weak small bastard like you isnt in the top 10% of men.
Let me know when we can watch this fight. My money is heavily on the chimp.
I would bet against an average man too. I'm not an average man.
LOL. I know you think you can take on a chimp, but you're wrong. You have absolutely no idea. They have muscle fibres five times denser than humans, bites worse than any dog ever bred, and hormone levels that would kill a human.
You think you can kick a chimp to death, but you don't seem to understand that anything you put within reach of an angry chimp, you're gonna lose.
As soon as your foot gets anywhere close to it, it's gonna catch your ankle and strip all the flesh and muscles off your leg as easily as shucking a corn cob. You're not going to get free. You really need to understand how ridiculously strong they are.
Can you bench 1000lbs? An average chimpanzee can.
You're not fighting a angry little furry human, you're fighting three of the strongest guys you've ever met condensed into a child-sized nightmare that has no concept of restraint.
No an average chimp can not bp a ton. Quit misinforming yourself and others. Strength isn't everything in a fistfight either. I do not share your fear.
So besides leg reach a whole bunch of bullshit that wasnt part of the question. You're a faggot and you'd be dead
I'm superstraight, a father, and that remains to be seen.
A chimp would be all over your ass.
Terrain and technique. They really dont fight alone in the wild. They swarm and pin down and bite. Individually that isnt going to work against a 2m man with 50-80 lbs of body weight on them. Set it up and i'd do it just to prove i could. I think I'd be able to scare ONE off just through alpha posturing. But 3 or more in open terrain? I'm running. The last conflict i was in it took 4 grown men to get me off my feet.
Idk what Discovery show you have been watching. A chimpanzee has 2x the muscle per pound of ANY human and they can bench press up to 2000 pounds. What do you max out at? And unless you weigh over 400 pounds you won't be getting out of their grip because that maxes out at around 500 pounds. Best of luck.
They can grab but not make a fist. Chimps can not bench press cars, tyvm, what cartoons have you been watching?
Bench is a poor training exercise, I don't do it. No luck needed.
User name checks out
A house cat isn't gonna kill you but if one really wanted to kick your ass, I doubt you could catch it to do much. If you did get your hands on it, you're gonna let go pretty quick. It'd bite and scratch the shit out of you, climbing your ass like a tree until it was tired and then leave.
Thinking you could take a chimp is a good way to lose your eyes, nuts, and face.
House cats are easy.
Yeah sorry bud Ive fought a crazy house cat. Take your scratches and get your hands on it. Wont last long. I just threw the one outside, but easily could have killed it with a squeeze. Arm was torn up but thats fine.
There was a video going around a few years ago of a bloke charging a full grown African bull elephant. The elephant shit itself and ran away.
Or the dude who kicked a kangaroos ass after it attacked his dog
Yeah that's the one. Epic video. Most animals fear men for good reason.
Love that video
Five people are living under a rock and have never seen that Chad who knocked the shit out of that Roo before it mauled his dog.
There are plenty of people getting their asses whipped by cats. Steve Inman had a funny one recently.
All you fellas think you are beating that pussy up at night are wrong. KEK
Kitty cat gonna have 'em sipping their hot pockets through a straw😂
Steve Inman is awesome!
Not in a fair fight they don't. They get surprised and their natural inclination against harming small animals stops them from destroying the cat.
If you actually think about it, you would be able to fight an Elephant more effectively than a Grizzly bear. But neither deserve us wanting to kill them, and they can both kill us very quickly. The house cat thing is pretty funny though. A cat COULD kill you, their claws are razor blades and for anyone that has been scratched, they can potentially bleed you out if you put up no resistance. But all that is nonsense, we should love all the animals (especially the tasty ones) not dwell on if we could kill them. Nothing makes me see red more than a democrat abusing an animal.
Large dog? Definitely.
Chimpanzee? Nope. Not a chance. Nope, nope, nopety, nope.
Wolf? Probably. Especially in the woods where I could get a stick.
Wolf? 6-7 feet long, 3 feet tall, 100-150 lbs, and doesn't know how to lose. My man here is gonna demonstrate how to beat one with a stick 😂. Now a cat on the other hand, I've seen enough video of a cat whooping a humans ass to know better than to screw with one of those bad boys.
I have seen videos of some giant wolves. They are not dogs: they are another class of dangerous entirely.
Also wolves rape the loser so they will NEVER give up. Dudes getting fucked lol
Cats are easy. Once you have a hold of them you don't let go until you're ready to throw the little shit out of the house.
I have four cats. Two are shits.
I've dealt with barn cats before. It just takes a willingness to accept superficial scratches.
Better than the guy in this thread that thinks he can beat a chimp by kicking it lmao
Lots to nit pick about this poll (a wolf is just a large dog), but I'm with you on this one, the chimp being so low on the list is the most egregious.
I'd sooner face the crocodile and have a chance of grappling them than have a 1 on 1 with a chimp. You're not walking away from that fight in any condition in which you want to go on living.
9 chance against an alligator unless you ran which isn't what this poll is
Arian Foster, is that you?
I'm curious about the ~18% who think they can take a chimpanzee in a fist fight, let alone the ~8% who think they could beat a gorilla. Do these people just not have a comprehension of how fucking strong apes are compared to humans? And that's not even factoring in that a chimp will fucking bite your face off...
For real. I could see someone thinking they could take a chimp...but a fucking Gorilla? And even a chimp will fuck you up...
Jokes on you. I'm never unarmed
Bruh.
Let me tell you about geese.
I had a goose square up on me. Wings out, chest out.
I was like "Bruh, for one your wings are useless. You've got your neck out for me to grab and throttle that ass. Otherwise, I could punt your chest in."
Then several more showed up and I dipped, but I'm certain I would have whooped that ones ass.
Anyone thinking they can take on a chimp or other great ape is a retard and its a good way to get your face ripped off.
Chimpanzee will absolutely destroy you.
What about a rabbit? They have teeth. And they leap...
Look at the bones!
This is from a British website on wild animals:
"Can geese actually hurt you? Humans are very rarely attacked by geese, but it does happen. They're very territorial animals and can certainly cause injury if they do decide to attack you. Geese may bite or hit you with their exceptionally strong wings and can occasionally cause a serious injury."
Basically, Brits are pussies, even by their own standards
"exceptionally strong wings" holy shit
The motherfuckers are literally covered in pillow stuffing. A reasonable person could assume goose assault feels pretty good.
What is it going to bite your with? Not its teeth. It doesn't even have a beak; just a anything-other-than-terrifying rounded bill.
It is 3ft tall, and 2 of those are its pool-noodle neck, or rather its handle.
The only chance it has of not getting absolutely closed out is if it immediately flies away before anyone catches it.
I just had a visual in my mind of a goose repeatedly slapping a British guy in the face left and right with its wings.
They can break bones.
Swans too
Geese can be intimidating as fuck. I've had to square off with one multiple times. They'll spread their wings and start hissing. They will chase you if you turn and run. You'll want to keep your face out of reach of their beaks. Damned things hurt.
Grab their neck and wring it.
flex time! :)....fought everything up to large dog, except eagle, won each time...the only one where I came out without bleeding is the goose. it was a mean SOB, but a quick grab around it's neck, lifting it off its feet, and the long sleeved coat I was wearing, made it pretty harmless.
I was in high school, it was the neighbor ladys goose and I was trying to score points with her daughter, who didn't want me to hurt it...dated her, the daughter, for a few months until they had to move out of state....not that you were actually asking for a story, but there you go :) (thumbs up emoji)
He went from choking the chicken to choking the goose
Imagine fighting an eagle. Goose just grab its neck and break it
With an Eagles speed and talons...I'd rather fight the half the other things on the list :)
Most people haven't seen eagles up close.
You might be able to win a fight with a juvenile eagle, or a crippled one, or one of the smaller species. But a healthy adult bald eagle would fuck you up.
Yeah I think a lot of eagles very capable. A golden eagle will just toss you off a cliff.
As someone who has had to subdue a Bull Mastiff cuz the mfer was wild n out. Besides a pack what makes a wolf different than a large dog?
greater bite force stronger and more endurance, its like asking the difference between a normal guy and a top tier athlete
Size, aggression.
Hunting experience I guess.
A wolf will outweigh the mastiff by at least 30 pounds and they fight to the death becauae they get raped when they lose. You can't subdue a wolf
I think I could take a large dog unarmed but a chimpanzee? I dont know about that
Zero chance he'd tear you in half
It's possible, would require a risky grapple to dispatch the dog without getting bit.
I meant the chimp. Sure you've got a chance with the dog
Oh, yeah I don't see any scenario where i beat a chimp bare handed, they're several times stronger than a human.
I think there's a nonzero chance the chimp would tear him in half, actually.
No you can't.
Most people would get destroyed by an angry dog without a weapon. LOL. People are so full of shit. What's funny though is people have overestimated the king cobra. If you dodge its first attack, and then grab its end, and slam it on the ground you can kill it. You just have to be smart when fighting it.
Problem is I'd have pissed and shit my pants so I couldn't move fast enough to get out of the way of the cobra.
I'm impressed by how many people think they would lose to an eagle. They got sharp claws, but their ground game ain't shit lol. Put them in a wing-bar and make them submit
Yeah some bjj breaks the wing! Lol
You'll get some lacerations but if you get your hands on it, its an easy neck snap. Thats about everything above the chimp line.
I'm assuming hamsters were at the bottom of the graph, below elephants?
is the elephant armed tho
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zXDo4dL7SU
Tusks, built in weapon.
Bruh I got bad news for you I don't think an unarmed human can beat any of those. Maybe a rat but you'd have rabies for sure, and I've seen some seriously fucked up house cats that will wreck your shit
Nah. Anything small is dead. They have to get close; take your scratches and just twist its neck. Even dogs. Chimp level and down is where it gets questionable. And thats mostly on the Cobra...everything else will wreck a human.
Do you have any idea how many people are killed by dogs each year? Unless you're trained to fight them you're probably dead.
LOL ok
Lmao the visual of ex-twitter employee emodius laying down in defeat to a goose and stray housecat!
Chimps will fuck you up.
you obviously never owned a cat, they're not all furry little fluff balls who sit and purr all day. i had a cat, we named him "Rambo" because he was fucking crazy and always won in the end. when ever we took him to the vet we gave up on putting him in a carry cage and just opted for throwing a blanket over him and bringing him there that way. we'd call the vet ahead of time to tell him we were coming in with "Rambo". the noises that came out of the examination room were horrific. i have a cat now, his name is "Spot" he's all black with a white spot under his chin, he just showed up one day and adopted the street, kills anything he gets his claws into and usually eats it, except for rats, his relationship with rats runs along the line of lions and hyenas. if he sees or smells a rat he'll hunt it and kill it, then just pulls the head off and leaves it there, he's always fighting with a cat next street over, he came home one day with half his scalp hanging off and acted like it was no big deal, he just kept licking his paw and running it over the flap till it healed, cats are little killing machines, just look at the youtube videos of Russian street cats that will stands its ground against 2 or 3 dogs or the one the will bitch slap alligators without any fear
Any lizards? I've never seen my cat catch a mouse, but every once in a while she'd proudly prance into the living room with a lizard.
i live in the north east, not meny lizards here.
A cat can fuck you up.
But in the end the cat loses. A cat can't even beat a dog. Your fear and love for cats doesn't change the dynamic of how easy it is to dominate an animal that weighs 1/20th of what you do.