Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. He has no need to virtue signal by buying burnt swill from a barista/philosophy PhD at $5.00 / cup. The water is clean and good because no tree-hugging liberal nor illegal alien was allowed to defecate directly into the water supply. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because President Trump with his “America First” focus, pulled back the manufacture from corrupt countries like China and India.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - so Joe saves on the cost of the prescription, but he pays $2000/month in Obamacare premiums— now Joe gets it in the neck too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's access to bacon is no longer a sure thing because of the mass importation of Muslims across the US by liberals, and they don’t like pork. And the eggs are questionable too because some jack-off of a bureaucrat in Washington DC has (in close consultation with the agricultural industry) unilaterally decreed that eggs are a known cause of high cholesterol. They want to make Joe eat nice, shelf-stable hydrogenated fats and sugar. Did I mention those products have a very high profit margin?

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Unfortunately, these same liberals have mandated the use of hemp oil and henna in all consumer products, so Joe leaves his shower smelling like he just walked out of a Grateful Dead concert.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because the Democrats and the GOP-e have moved all the heavy industry in the US to Red China.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. He has to walk carefully to avoid breaking his ankles on government-neglected potholes, or ruining his shoes and pants by stepping in liberal-provided excrement.

It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor. Unfortunately Joe is robbed at gunpoint by a couple of drug-addled, mentally ill gangbangers, who wanted Joe to contribute to THEM personally, and not just through government tax-and-spend programs.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because he works for the government.. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call CNN and accuse them of racistsexistbigothomophobeIslamophobecishetwhitesupremacist.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, it won’t make a dime’s worth of difference to his actual output. Joe works for the government, remember?

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is re-routed to the Duchy of Grand Fenwick by mistake because his bank has outsourced all computer programming to H1-B visa holders.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. We all know how well that worked out for the PhD barista earlier in our story. The liberal loons who infest universities, empowered by that same liberal, more than tripled his student costs by requiring him to take classes in conversational Eskimo and 14th century left-handed lesbian poetry. Because diversity. Joe also forgets that in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university. Which means, in addition to paying tuition, his tax dollars continue to pay for conversational Eskimo, and 4-star accommodations for students to live in, including complimentary Chakra massage. But it is forbidden to teach Shakespeare to English majors, and science and math classes are discouraged, because they are difficult and involve actual facts are a relic of the patriarchy.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some he bought a Japanese car. The Japanese still have a work ethic and attention to detail; their car companies are more than just medical and pension funds for retired Union workers.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. (We’re hoping you don’t do the math and realize that this means his home was built in the 1930s. And therefore, none of the plumbing or electrical fittings are up to current safety standards. The only saving grace, is that Joe has a toilet capable of more than 0.023 ounces per flush.)

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. Unfortunately, due to his high taxes, Joe cannot afford to update the fuse box or the circuits, which means he suffers a debilitating power outage every time a dog takes a leak in the next county.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could live off of YOUR taxes, after failing to set aside a penny for his own retirement. The liberal takes a hefty “finder’s fee” in the form kickbacks from the government agency, but he deserves it because he cares more than you.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. As an example, he cites Venezuela which used to be the most prosperous country in South America, with a great climate, access to ocean ports, and abundant natural resources, but after a single generation of liberalism people have been reduced to eating their pets.