89
posted ago by TheNakedAmbassador ago by TheNakedAmbassador +89 / -0

here is my opposition research report:

  1. Humans will go extinct within the next few years, because global warming. Only the elite will survive (in space?). No rationale was provided regarding the cause of extinction or how exactly global warming comes into play. Plastic bad.

  2. Everyone should be in therapy indefinitely, because "life is so scary" these days. It was mentioned that therapists can fill the void caused by lack of religion.

  3. MeN aRe EvIl. Their existence is problematic. Families are an outdated concept. Polyamorous relationships are the future. The patriarchy remains an existential threat.

  4. GEOTUS' name (like Voldemort's) must never be spoken aloud, only alluded to.

  5. Notably absent from the conversation was any discussion of gun control, most likely due to the lack of mass shootings in recent memory. Also no mention of peach mints or Democratic presidential candidates.

IN CONCLUSION

The enemy is narcissistic and delusional, consumed by doomsday conspiracy theories and self loathing.

A second term ensures their self destruction.

Comments (13)
sorted by:
You're viewing a single comment thread. View all comments, or full comment thread.
11
deleted 11 points ago +12 / -1
13
TheNakedAmbassador [S] 13 points ago +13 / -0

Outed myself as a conservative by ordering gin & tonic off-menu

3
bobdole9 3 points ago +3 / -0

Good man, shit spy :)