There was a post yesterday that touched me. More than that, made me physically upset. Thought I’d put my thoughts to paper. Young men, you have a voice. Use it. When I was a younger man, my girlfriend at the time became pregnant. I’m no saint, never proclaimed to be, but there was always something in the back of my mind that said this is wrong. She stopped taking her birth control, unbeknownst to me, and became pregnant. Told her I’d never marry her just bc of this, but would support her in any decision SHE made. This is the only regret I have in my life. I have made MANY mistakes, but only one regret.
I should have fought. I should have fought for the possibility of that innocent life. I’m not religious whatsoever, slide me in the agnostic box, but I should have fought. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. Now that I’m older, married with children, I think about that time often. To this day it makes me upset. If you don’t have children, or are a shit father, you won’t understand. To the young men out there, I promise you, that choice will follow you for the rest of your life. To the young women, I couldn’t possibly put myself in your shoes, but your decisions affect not just you.
You cannot blame yourself and need to let go of the guilt. All you could have done is make the bext decision you could at the time. The older I get the more I understand this. I have been married for 37 years and have 2 adult sons. My oldest son went through a similar situation a few years back. His GF was pregnant and had hyperemesis, when you cannot stop vomiting. She decided to have an abortion. My son said he'd support whatever decision she made. She decided to get an abortion. I know that's not what my son wanted but he did what he thought was right. I know that it still upsets him. My wish for him and you is to let hoo of the guilt. You did your best at the time. Sometimes there are times in life where that's all you can do. It's like the saying, hindsight is 20/20. Big hugs to you kiddo
Should I though? Let go of the guilt? I’m not like wanting to hurt myself over it, rather use it as guidance in this life. Perhaps make aware young men have a voice. Say no. It’s not just their decision.
Sorry about your son, have a friend who’s wife had that through two pregnancies. Was not good. She had to have a feeding tube “installed” to receive nutrition bc she literally couldn’t eat. Hope he’s in a good place.
Unlike the advice above, you did NOT do your best. You are right to still be upset and angry at yourself. You have a conscience which is steering you but what truth is you conscience rooted to? What objective truth? Find that and then you find grace and can truly be free of the guilt.
No, you should not let go of the guilt. You sound like you're seeking reassurance but what you really need is a kick up the arse.
You should think about how selfish you were to go on fucking a women you had no intentions with, just to keep getting your dick wet like the most base addict. Not even a primitive, ignorant caveman would abandon his children in those circumstances. You went better than abandonment, you supported murder for convenience. You had the benefit of education and you still behaved like this. It's selfishness beyond any sense of morality.
This is why, for many generations, sex was put behind the wall of marriage. You thought you knew better. You didn't. A innocent life was snuffed out due to a pair of selfish children behaving worse than animals and then committing murder for the sake of convenience. A tiny, helpless individual was dismembered for coin by a third selfish person, also convinced that they know better.
You should think about the evil you've been part of every day of your life. I don't know if there's an afterlife, but you should probably hope that there isn't.
You absolutely need to sort your sons out at the very least. Atone by raising descendants that aren't the ignorant, entitled, feckless individuals that you and she were.
And if anyone else thinks this is harsh - it's reality. Do not fuck women without protection that you don't intend to marry. The old rules were set for good reasons. Morality is not relative.
Agreed. And still found it harsh because I am a product of this weak, immoral, pride-enducing culture. The unambiguous truth is a firm slap to the face. I'm awake after that slap.
Any unwanted child is a tragedy. An absolute tragedy. Abortion is a massive tragedy on top of that tragedy. A permanent tragedy. And once the mad, insane tragedy happens there are many reactions. The guilt is overwhelming and those all around the horrible deed are affected. Some stay in denial and 'fight for reproductive rights' as if changing philosophy would ease the guilt. It doesn't. I pray for the ones who suffer because they at least have some sense of right and wrong.
Username checks out.
In my 4th grade Liberaleology class we learned: it's a woman's choice and your obligation as a good boy is to pay for whatever decision she makes.