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Comments (67)
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103
Makeshift 103 points ago +103 / -0

Oh the FBI is on it. Looking forward to bullshit results.

24
Jackhererer 24 points ago +24 / -0

Dont worry the FBI is here to save the day, and by day I mean "lose all the evidence pointing to homicide.

13
Presidentxi 13 points ago +13 / -0

Came here to say this. Beat me to it. Hope we don’t get suicided.

15
Toughsky_Shitsky 15 points ago +15 / -0

Same crackerjack crew that investigated Epstein's death, I'll bet.

No matter what, expect the same results.

7
OGpsywar 7 points ago +7 / -0

"FBI to investigate death of DHS whistleblower Philip Haney"

Was this a Babylon Bee article?? Their sense of absurdity is finely tuned.

61
upvotechamp 61 points ago +61 / -0

"We've investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing."

11
mrgreencard 11 points ago +11 / -0

lol ya beat me to it

52
Wrexxis780 52 points ago +52 / -0

Suddenly, "natural causes"

36
Troll 36 points ago +36 / -0

He died from a heart attack after shooting himself thrice in the head with a shotgun. Case closed.

19
Checkmate6Romeo 19 points ago +19 / -0

Ultimately his heart would stop beating. Snopes rates this mostly true.

14
ENTP 14 points ago +14 / -0

Suicide by two bullets to the back of the head and zipped himself into a duffel bag

7
TwoPlusTwoEqualsFour 7 points ago +7 / -0

Case closed.

40
DuesImperator 40 points ago +41 / -1

They’ll send in the clean up crew, destroy the evidence and claim a botched a robbery or some bs.

17
brutustyberius 17 points ago +17 / -0

Holy Shit...Mueller was just assigned the case!

/shitpost

33
Beat_to_Quarters 33 points ago +33 / -0

Ever notice how Trump's critics at worst get demoted or fired, and Democrat's critics end up dead?

21
Lamech_Slade 21 points ago +22 / -1

Nah man, Democrat's critics just commit suicide more often. They're also really talented at shooting themselves in the back of the head /s

8
wharfthrowaway 8 points ago +8 / -0

and locking themselves inside golf bags

23
PatriotDefense 23 points ago +24 / -1

FBI determines that FBI definitely did not commit murder since Philip Haney's time of death was determined to be one second before he was hit with a bullet. Phew, that was close.

22
Marina 22 points ago +22 / -0

Well that investigation will be buried deep in swamp muck. No way would anyone ever talk to the corrupt FBI Still haven’t gotten to the truth of the Epstein murder So disappointed in Barr. I Trusted the people ( DiGenova, Jarrett, Carter) that said to trust Barr. We will see but I’m losing hope

5
TwoPlusTwoEqualsFour 5 points ago +5 / -0

Ruby Ridge. Barr is compromised.

21
Lamech_Slade 21 points ago +21 / -0

And that's the last we'll hear about Haney....

9
deleted 9 points ago +9 / -0
8
BoilingEnema 8 points ago +8 / -0

It's right on the tip of my... never mind it's gone.

8
Anon_0xFFFF 8 points ago +9 / -1

I fell asleep; what happened?

5
TwoPlusTwoEqualsFour 5 points ago +5 / -0

American Gladiators is on shut up.

17
Dominick 17 points ago +18 / -1

In other words, it's a cover up.

16
deleted 16 points ago +17 / -1
8
Checkmate6Romeo 8 points ago +8 / -0

You didn't say how much or where. Inquiring minds want to know.

10
deleted 10 points ago +10 / -0
8
TwoPlusTwoEqualsFour 8 points ago +8 / -0

How diverse were the engineers?

2
lurkwellmyfriends 2 points ago +2 / -0

Nice.

1
ZacPetkanas 1 point ago +1 / -0

IMO you could have stopped at "If you trust the FBI". They've proven themselves to be either thoroughly corrupt or incompetent. Either way they serve no useful function and should be disbanded and all former employees barred from government work in general and law enforcement specifically.

14
SmastaFlex 14 points ago +14 / -0

aka the cover up crew

12
MythArcana 12 points ago +12 / -0

That's great, considering they killed him to begin with.

10
turdinthepunch 10 points ago +10 / -0

With the way they have treated whistle blowers in the past...

10
Marshall 10 points ago +11 / -1

The lack of confidence in our investigating agencies is both justified and sad. This is what happens when the Federal Government is politicized.

5
TwoPlusTwoEqualsFour 5 points ago +5 / -0

This is the natural outcome of immoral behavior.

As morality decreases, freedom decreases.

1
Marshall 1 point ago +1 / -0

Proverbs 9:9-11 1599 Geneva Bible (GNV)

9 Give admonition to the wise, and he will be the wiser: teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.

10 The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord, and the knowledge of holy things, is [a]understanding.

11 For thy days shall be multiplied by me, and the years of thy life shall be augmented.

9
672-EVIL 9 points ago +9 / -0

Pathetic. The FBI is probably in on it.

9
MAGAnic316 9 points ago +10 / -1

Lol, Christopher Wray standing at the ready with his broom and dustpan.

Fuck off

9
deleted 9 points ago +9 / -0
9
tocar 9 points ago +9 / -0

Maybe they'll help by making illegal to print his name so nobody can go after him.

8
Grady_Wilson 8 points ago +8 / -0

Here comes the coverup.

Vince Foster style.

8
SuperSilly 8 points ago +8 / -0

Wow! the FBI! We definitely know they will get to the bottom of this! They never let us down!!!!

7
ThomasGiferson 7 points ago +7 / -0

The cynicism in this thread is beautiful, righteous, and very sad at that same time.

7
Nomjombones 7 points ago +7 / -0

May justice be delivered against the deep state and their families

3
lurkwellmyfriends 3 points ago +3 / -0

Amen.

7
insertnamehere 7 points ago +7 / -0

Obummer was obsessed with muslim appearance. Remember what he told NASA. Its like he just sat around dreaming of ways to arm isis and import somolians ect.

7
KakarikoKing 7 points ago +7 / -0

What, are they just going to send a few people to walk around FBI HQ and ask, "Seriously guys, which one of you did this?"

6
ChuckedBeef 6 points ago +6 / -0

Investigate = Collect & Destroy all evidence.

5
TonyGucciano 5 points ago +5 / -0

Haha, thinking the FBI is anything but just another leftist power cult

5
americathegr888 5 points ago +5 / -0

FBI to cover up the death of DHS whistleblower Philip Haney.

5
kanklesmustswing 5 points ago +5 / -0

"Not our purview, but ififififififif it was, no reasonable investigator would investigate this matter." That is all.

4
OMC-RADIO 4 points ago +4 / -0

Wait, wait, wait... can you say that again?

(Should I get my hopes up or will this be Hillary's Emails Part 2?)

4
no_step_on_snek 4 points ago +4 / -0

You know what that means, they're not going to recommend prosecution.

4
1776take2 4 points ago +4 / -0

The FBI has not been exonerated of his death.

4
gawd-emperor 4 points ago +4 / -0

They "investigated" las vegas bwahHaha that agency is a joke

4
Artymisfoul 4 points ago +4 / -0

Coverup In Action.... oh I thought that was CIA.

4
deleted 4 points ago +5 / -1
4
TwoPlusTwoEqualsFour 4 points ago +4 / -0

Wow... the fbi.. thank goodness /s

3
deleted 3 points ago +3 / -0
3
IronicUsername 3 points ago +3 / -0

Hillary Clinton in shambles.

1
lurkwellmyfriends 1 point ago +1 / -0

Well Chris Wray's esteemed bureau have certainly proven themselves to be trustworthy, that's for sure.

(sarcasm, if it wasn't obv)

1
BecauseYoudBeInJail 1 point ago +2 / -1

Surprised the investigation hasn't concluded yet... it's been almost a whole day now!

1
SwampSwan 1 point ago +1 / -0

Well thank goodness.

Now we're sure to find out what really happened.

1
rascalson2020 1 point ago +1 / -0

Number one sign Eric Ciaramella is NOT a whistleblower? He has not committed(been murdered) "suicide(by a 3 letter agency) yet.

1
makemyday007 1 point ago +1 / -0

Wow that makes me feel so much better

1
LWGII 1 point ago +1 / -0

There was a time when I respected the FBI, its people and the work it did. No longer. Now, when I read a story like this I just image Strzok and the rest of those bozos having tea with the Hildebeast and scheming how to set up Flynn. I am disgusted.

1
deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
-3
donutreplyplz -3 points ago +1 / -4

There’s a time when after you have a huge frat party at your parents house; smoking and toking, slamming AMF’s, keg stands, beer pong, space bags... the works! then someone gets the crazy idea to call a hooker over to the party for some extra fun; someone does a Very Bad Thing with her in the bathroom and she ends up dead so he hides her in the bathtub with the shower curtain covering her. He proceeds to go downstairs where some munchie-ridden boys decided to heat up some possibly 2 week old chili to make some chili cheese fries with some additionally questionable cheddar on top, everyone chows down but then IMMEDIATELY the rumbles come and every single one of them plowing over eachother to get into the bathroom to expel the demons first, whichever way they decide to come out first. Upon these sickly gentlemen entering the bathroom they collectively fall into the tub projectile vomiting and shitting everywhere, meanwhile creating a ghastly soup of vomit/diarrhea/jizzed up dead hooker. Sober up the next day and find that it wasn’t a dream when you go to take a leak. Now, would you rather TRY to clean all that mess up yourself before your parents get home? You can try plunging all damn night but that drain just ain’t big enough to allow you to just wash it all down. Sometimes, it’s just better to MOAB that tub and spring for a nice standing shower to replace it because you know the ghost of that dead hooker will NEVER leave you alone. Draining the swamp is not enough because the swamp creatures will never let you.

-2
donutreplyplz -2 points ago +1 / -3

Oh. Do I need a disclaimer about this not literally promoting violence and that it is just a figure of speech, loosely alluding to the fact that FBI is swampy and swamp hooker ghosts won’t let you investigate them because they killed Seth Rich? Or did that shit also get left behind on the old The Donald?