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TD_Covfefe_Crusader 6 points ago +6 / -0

"Look, Fat. I learned about roaches, and they crawl up my legs using my leg hairs like a ladder. Raprock put me in charge of the cancer moon shot, and I cured cancer, and protected us from the Ebola pandemic. There have been 150 billion, trillion gun deaths in this country and I own three shotguns. Actually, I got three shotguns from my son too so now I have five. And I said Jill, if there's ever a problem, step out on to the balcony and fire two blasts outside the house."