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Comments (96)
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deleted 123 points ago +124 / -1
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deleted 41 points ago +41 / -0
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TacticalWitdotcom 32 points ago +32 / -0

Tim Hawkins sings his own version of "Imagine" to a group of Texans: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZBrX7dvUOM

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FeistyTary 13 points ago +13 / -0

That was hilarious thanks for sharing

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gplumbcrazy 9 points ago +9 / -0

LOVE IT thx

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Fittlesnapper 8 points ago +8 / -0

Hell yah my fellow autist.

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deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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Muh_Wailing_MXbabies 52 points ago +52 / -0

FAKE NEWS! no real Texan would only have one barrel on their Shotgun.

TWO BARRELS

TWO SCOOPS

TWO GENDERS

TWO TERMS

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Shakakka99 35 points ago +35 / -0

This is the baby's shotgun. Gotta be 2 to have two barrels. Texas law.

Source: Am from NY

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Muh_Wailing_MXbabies 15 points ago +16 / -1

Texas Law ... name a better oxy-moron during quarantine

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Spicy_maymay 4 points ago +4 / -0

We the Wild West now.

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iamjohnwick 7 points ago +7 / -0

KEK<———————this one

KEK

KEK

KEK

KEK

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deleted 11 points ago +11 / -0
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cbonez416 6 points ago +6 / -0

Amazing hahaha

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deleted 1 point ago +1 / -0
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Necrovoter 1 point ago +1 / -0

That's a flyswatter.

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CovfefeNegro 33 points ago +33 / -0

We ain't thru with the clinical testing yet, it is true that smaller calibers don't seem to affect it, but we have not completed the medium and high caliber testing.

And we're running a little short on tequila, that slows testing a good bit right there.

We'll let you know.

https://files.catbox.moe/jwzkxn.jpg

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deleted 30 points ago +30 / -0
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Austin62Halo 10 points ago +10 / -0

This^

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0095D 9 points ago +9 / -0

Well, one thing's for certain... never bet against our country boys' mastery of the art that is Jerry-rigging. It might not be pretty, it might be excessive, and it might be a little dangerous to use, but they will find a way to make something work.

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deleted 9 points ago +9 / -0
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Randalous83 9 points ago +9 / -0

I need to find a flamethrower range because every time I bring mine they won’t let me use it.

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IronMaiden 7 points ago +7 / -0

Aim small miss small...

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tankmanban 2 points ago +2 / -0

You just have to remember to breathe and slowly squeeeeeze the trigger. Don't pull it and never fear the recoil.

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deleted 17 points ago +17 / -0
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deleted 14 points ago +14 / -0
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ApocolipticPePe 11 points ago +11 / -0

Fucking bow guys always gotta get that one up in there 😉

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crusadetiem 8 points ago +8 / -0

"STICK AND STRING BRUHH" Lol.. elitists!! 😁

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cccpneveragain 13 points ago +13 / -0

I didn't shoot it, but I ran it all over with a lawnmower yesterday. I've now got a huge trash can of Coronavirus out back to be hauled away forever and a ton of it in my lungs. I know it's definitely the Chinese virus because I am now coughing a lot more.

Everyone else you're good now, the problem has been solved! I only regret that I have but one life to give for my country.

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HotRoastedNuts 6 points ago +6 / -0

Maybe it's just Saturday Night Fever and not the China flu.

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cccpneveragain 6 points ago +6 / -0

That sounds like a Trump cultist lie! I'm dying here! This is serious and because of all of you people ignoring it and that vile man in the White House we are all going to die! Bigot! Racism! Nazi! Islamophobic! Other bad sounding stuff!

/s (if that wasn't obvious, but you never know on the internet)

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Musicbymuzak 3 points ago +3 / -0

REEEEE orange man killed you

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Austin62Halo 12 points ago +12 / -0

Oklahoma here. While I do not live in Texas I can say I’m 100% sure you can shoot anything if you try hard enough.

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Muh_Wailing_MXbabies 6 points ago +6 / -0

Hillary nods yes

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f_bastiat 11 points ago +11 / -0

Late at night, when the stars are bright.....

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deleted 6 points ago +7 / -1
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f_bastiat 7 points ago +7 / -0

DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!~~

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39americanwoman17 11 points ago +12 / -1

Whatever it takes, we Texans will do it!

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Taxation1STheft 8 points ago +8 / -0

The Texas Brigade, under the command of General John Gregg, filed passed an overly excited Robert E. Lee. “Who are you my boys?” he asked. “Texas boys!” they replied. Lee waved his hat in the air and yelled, “Hurrah for Texas! Texans always move them!

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SwampDrainerLocal911 10 points ago +10 / -0

I’ve made Rock-Salt loads from crystallized Liberal Tears. Testing is still underway.

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AIDS1255 9 points ago +10 / -1

No brakes on the Texas train!

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TrumpTrainBot 9 points ago +9 / -0

WE JUST CAN'T STOP WINNING, FOLKS! THE TRUMP TRAIN JUST GOT 10 BILLION MPH FASTER!

CURRENT SPEED: 355,009,385,117,000 MPH!

At that rate, it would take approximately 4.727 years to travel to the Andromeda Galaxy (2.5 million light-years)!

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deleted 8 points ago +8 / -0
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deleted 9 points ago +9 / -0
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SouthpawPede 9 points ago +9 / -0

I’m concerned for people trying to break into our house while working from home this week, but I’m not concerned about what is waiting for them or my proficiency.

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deleted 8 points ago +9 / -1
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Satellite 3 points ago +3 / -0

You have been blessed.

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deleted 7 points ago +7 / -0
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txladyvoter 2 points ago +2 / -0

It's NYC. Crawling with people and multiple airports connecting to everywhere. Mass transit. Note that the areas with outbreaks all have major airports.

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OhLollyLollyPop 2 points ago +2 / -0

People living on top of each other. It's not healthy.

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1776ThereIsaidIt 7 points ago +7 / -0

God bless Texas.

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Barbieblonde 7 points ago +7 / -0

Good way to rust up a gun, the alcohol will remove the protective film of oil, as it leaks out of the shot shell... let alone actually fired.

I'd go with a powder like a Dragon's Breath round. Demolition Ranch has taught me so many terrible ideas. ; )

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SwampDrainerLocal911 6 points ago +6 / -0

Dragon’s Breath rounds are the perfect round for dealing with criminals at night. If you subscribe to a warning shot philosophy it effectively convinces assholes to turn and leave. I would not fire indoors. Lol.

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Barbieblonde 3 points ago +3 / -0

Better hope you have an eye patch on one eye though. I'd imagine your night vision would be decimated. Fire indoors... yeah that would not go well! ; P

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SwampDrainerLocal911 4 points ago +4 / -0

I try to avoid eye-patches at all costs as they lead to Red Flag laws.

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Barbieblonde 3 points ago +3 / -0

Is this a pirate reference or am I missing something?

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Satellite 1 point ago +1 / -0

Oh shit son. Rhino pirate felt that

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its_three_oclock 6 points ago +6 / -0

Confirmed.

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ApocolipticPePe 6 points ago +6 / -0

Texas here, let me just step out on my patio and find out

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crusadetiem 5 points ago +5 / -0

Silly. That's complete malarkey.

Tannerite and a can of Lysol duct taped together works great though!

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T-Bear 3 points ago +3 / -0

That's a COVID-19 IED, very famous in Texas redneck parts. Can take out several coronaviruses at once, and incapacitate the rest for an extended time...

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crusadetiem 1 point ago +1 / -0

I heard putting ball bearings in with the tannerite greatly slows the virus' approach too.

I guess they get covered in the Lysol?

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LikeAWombatScorned 5 points ago +5 / -0

Texas is about to flip blue if people don't get out there and vote.

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OhLollyLollyPop 1 point ago +1 / -0

In the Primary, Trump got more votes in Texas than Biden, Bernie, and Warren combined.

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not_a_shill 5 points ago +5 / -0

Someone call taofladermaus

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Tryhardneckbeard 4 points ago +4 / -0

Its like shooting Womp Rats back home.

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T-Bear 3 points ago +3 / -0

In Beggar's Canyon...

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I_Love_45-70_Gov 4 points ago +4 / -0

430 grains of hard cast lead will put anything down.

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deleted 4 points ago +5 / -1
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Muh_Wailing_MXbabies 6 points ago +6 / -0

Ask Huma & Hillary how they play “appropriate spread” 🧘🏽‍♀️🍩👈🤜🏼🥯

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zhanx 1 point ago +1 / -0

I just threw up a bit at that

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deleted 4 points ago +4 / -0
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deleted 3 points ago +3 / -0
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FeistyTary 4 points ago +4 / -0

10-4 can confirm.

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GeoG85 4 points ago +5 / -1

You can with a vaccine and cure. Just shitty propaganda to try to disarm Americans during this.

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WarViper1337 4 points ago +4 / -0

I dipped a .308 bullet in some alcohol and shot the flu dead at 200 yards.

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PodunkTexas 4 points ago +4 / -0

Cute shotgun y'all got there. Personally I'd be using a StreetSweeper.

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Flipbarryfromreddit 4 points ago +4 / -0

We have the cure now

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OMC-RADIO 5 points ago +5 / -0

We've had The Cure since 1978...

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WillowWynde 3 points ago +3 / -0

Actually, I have a serious question for any Texans that might know the answer and would be kind enough to reply. I was told by a relative that the grocery stores in his area (Keller) are running very low on products and have not restocked at all for the past couple of weeks. Is that true or is someone’s pants about to burst into flames?

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I_Love_45-70_Gov 3 points ago +3 / -0

I live on the border. Shelves have been empty of tp, milk, bread, canned foods, water, and all sanitizers...., other essential items as well.

Lines to get into Sam's Club were wrapped around to the back docks (hundreds waiting for the doors to open) every day last week.

With the border closed, I hope there is some shit restocked. Dumbfucks need to raid their own damn country's fucking shelves.

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XOXO_HandBanana_XOXO 3 points ago +3 / -0

They don't have enough people to keep the stores stocked. All the grocery stores I see are hiring like mad. I think a bunch of people quit because they don't want to work around the public during a pandemic. It's basically a stocking issue more than it is a supply issue.

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txladyvoter 2 points ago +2 / -0

No grocery stores in Texas are out of stock in anything for long that I have heard of. Maybe masks. Depends upon where you are going and what time of day. Most stores have limits like 1 to 2 packages of toilet paper or gallons of milk or whatever. Just think of the kinds of things you have to have around for the kiddos still home from school--bread, peanut butter, milk, fruit roll ups--and those will be decimated regularly but you can find them. And with gas at 1.70 or so a gallon and plentiful, it is not difficult.

Keller is a pretty ritzy joint so maybe people are doing the overstock routine.

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OhLollyLollyPop 2 points ago +2 / -0

Our Walmart in Haslet wasn't putting limits on anything until a few days ago. It was infuriating. Yesterday, some woman knocked a 10 year old girl in the face and stole the toilet paper she was carrying to her Mom. (This was in Granbury).

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txladyvoter 1 point ago +1 / -0

Hope the assault capturing Walmart cameras got a clear view of the "woman."

This behavior cannot stand.

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WillowWynde 1 point ago +1 / -0

Thank you, txladyvoter! I was a little worried, even though this relative does tend to lie quite frequently (read: all the time). Now I can return to laughing at all of my weird neighbors and their "hoarder loot".

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txladyvoter 4 points ago +4 / -0

An update. We went out this afternoon rather late to pick up a few things (seasonings for lots of home made food, check on some meat picks). Went to 2 groceries and a warehouse outlet. What we wanted they didn't have but it was a little esoteric--ground turkey which goes into home made dog dinners. I have never seen that stuff sold out before. Grocery had it but not in the quantities that it motivates me to make and freeze about every 3 weeks. No paper products to be had still. It seems the warehouse store had far less than I would expect after the last trip. And this was a Sunday afternoon so there was that. But hoard we don't (although the Depression mentality was drilled into me by my parents so I don't allow us to run out of anything that I deem to be a controlled substance like deodorant, TP, milk or the like ha ha).

The grocery store had eggs, milk, and a ton of meat cuts! Warehouse store was pretty bare!

Got my takeout Tex Mex food fix for lunch. Texans gotta have their Mexican food fixes! Unfortunately Tex Mex food conflates with the atmosphere so the fix doesn't last long.

I hope to help as many restaurants and fast foods as possible while this persists. Were the only patron picking up at 12:30. This is not good and I hope it does not last!

The best to you!

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OhLollyLollyPop 1 point ago +1 / -0

I live near Keller. Many stores finally put a limit on how many of a product you can buy because hoarders ho in and buy all if the tp and cleaning supplies, milk, eggs, etc. Lots of hoarders here. It was getting very bad until the stores around me put limits on due to people screaming at the managers to use common sense.

We have a lot of food, especially meats, because my son in law went to Northside (Fort Worth) and hit the stores on Thursday afternoon (the Mexicans there get paid on Friday). (The folks in Keller will know where that is.) He didn't clean anything out, except maybe meat, lol. We have a garage freezer that's stuffed. We always keep lots of food and tp around anyway. 1 freezer, 2 fridges, big pantry.

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ranman003 3 points ago +3 / -0

Not sure if he's Texan, but this tutorial surely can help, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTYxDMYKyiI

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nachosamplerREBORN 3 points ago +3 / -0

True. But they can shoot looters, robbers, rioters, and anyone else using this virus as an excuse to commit crimes. The virus will be gone soon enough from our adaptive response.

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deleted 2 points ago +2 / -0
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458Ready 2 points ago +2 / -0

It would work - hit an infected in the face with an ounce flaming alcohol traveling at 1200fps. That virus is not going to cause you any more problems.

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OhLollyLollyPop 1 point ago +1 / -0

There really isn't much here, but it would help if people would stay home more (they aren't). It's like when it snows and every dumbass just has to go out and drive in it, resulting in wrecks galore.

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BobsNoCommie 1 point ago +1 / -0

It may or may not be true, but no way someone from The Great State of Texas is just gonna take your word for it

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Satellite 1 point ago +1 / -0

Lol watch this