So not normal T_D faire here, but was hoping for some guidance.

My personal background is that I was prior US Army and while I never saw combat, I was in the medical research side of the house. I saw some fucked up shit. From children dying to disease in 3rd world shitholes, to bodies rupturing due to the heat and lack of resources, to one dude even blowing his own head off due to sheer stupidity.

I could've ended up as one of these guys that was diagnosed with PTSD. I lucked out though. While that shit did fuck my head up for a few days on each event, I had an incredible Sergeant that would come to my flat (didn't stay in barracks there, even as an E-4), bring a bottle of Captain and some Dr. Pepper, play some video games with me, and talk. I seldom realized when we were talking about any specific event, but he had a way of dancing around the subject to get me to look at things from a different angle. A way to "put things into" a perspective that took the horror of the event away, and allowed me to see it in a way that, to this day, none of those events have traumatized me. I see them as "unfortunate" things that happen. Despite being directly involved in many of them, I can now see them "from a distance", like it was something I saw on TV.

I sincerely have no PTSD, and I'm not some sociopath with no empathy. He helped me. I had no idea what was going on at the time, but the alcohol let me have those conversations and literally did help. Don't take this to mean I think "getting drunk" solves anything, but at a point it does seem to let you talk things through, and maybe be more... open? to another view.

This was 20 years ago. I've got "bad memories" but nothing I'd qualify as PTSD.

My own dad went through some crazy bad stuff (Korean war, I think), and I remember even then, he never would talk about having to try to match his buddies' body parts in the right bags until the few times he had a few drinks.

Again, not trying to equate alcohol with therapy, but I can't help but wonder if there's a "there there".

So my current situation is I've become close buddies with a guy that did three tours in Iraq. He was on four separate missions where their vehicle was detonated and got away without a scratch. His mates, not so lucky. He's also seen direct combat three times.

He has legit PTSD.

He's on antidepressants that "work" according to him, but obviously has ZERO desire to discuss his time in...

Until we start drinking.

After a few drinks, he loosens up. He pulls me aside so as not to talk in front of his wife, and he WANTS to talk about his trauma.

I'm obviously not "qualified" for this so I divert, and shift the conversation, and at that point he starts slamming enough to get so drunk he goes to bed, leaving his wife to apologize, make excuses, and we call it a night.

So I know that the obvious "reddit" answer would be to "suggest therapy" or some absurdity along those lines.

This is the real world. "Therapy" has resulted in antidepressants and nothing more. He's a proud, successful man. I've no interest in those responses.

These discussions ONLY come up when we're having drinks. He clearly WANTS to talk about his demons and considers me a "confidant" as I've had only vaguely related experiences.

The thing is, I don't remember what the "magic sauce" was that my SGT had to say 20 years ago was. Hell, as much as he changed my life, I can barely remember his face.

So I guess the long and the short of it is, he doesn't just need someone to "listen". He needs... what? Understanding? Validation? Forgiveness? I don't know. And I've stopped him from talking about it for that reason.

What is it that someone with REAL PTSD is looking for? It's obviously not as simple as "just talking about it" but there's a need there. Something therapists and medication aren't answering.

Help me help him.