Forgive the long-winded speech. As I said, it's for catharsis.
I've become so much more insular over the years. It is so limiting and so exhausting, but the alternative causes me too much angst. I have reached a point where I can no longer tolerate any exposure to things other people wouldn't think twice about. I can't watch local news anymore because the way it's framed disgusts me. I can no longer trust that anything I read or see or hear is true. I can't watch modern movies or series anymore because the propaganda in them is so overt now that it spoils my enjoyment of it. Video games are even starting to head in that direction for me. Worst of all, I am finding it harder to relate to other people, even those I am close to. Any time people look to discuss anything related to modern culture or politics, I have to hold my tongue because my perfectly normal worldview is now taboo, somehow. Not to mention that deviation from the prevailing orthodoxy is dangerous now in ways it hasn't been before. I feel irritated by almost every event that takes place and by almost every person's reaction to them. I am so much less open. I am more often inside my own head than not at this point.
It feels like there are fewer and fewer places, online or off, where things make sense. It is genuinely like every moral lesson I ever learned growing up has been abandoned by almost all others (and I am only 28, so that's not even that long ago). Equality, justice, honesty, freedom, fairness, respect...all of these ideas have been perverted or trashed. It's as though I am totally surrounded by insanity; everything feels inverted. It makes me question sometimes if I am the insane one and my perception of reality is flawed.
I am faced with a dilemma. On the one hand, being isolated in the way that I am is damaging. I tell myself that it's my nature to be solitary, but I think I am lying to myself. On the other, participation in and even observation of current society is nauseating. It makes me feel too much hate (so, so much), which makes me want to dissociate more. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the past 2. Places like this are essentially the last bastion of normalcy left that I have access to. While I am glad I can come here for that, I also know that learning about what is happening out there drives me further into madness. What can I even do? Stare off into space and live inside my own head? I am far too young to be a drooling mess unaware of my surroundings. The world has changed so much and so fast, and in such a terrible way, that it almost feels like that would be best.
If I had to summarize the issue, it would be that who I am is incompatible with where and when I am. My identity has become untenable, and it's jarring. It feels like I'd have to let go of all of those lessons I mentioned to function properly in this filthy landscape I exist in.
Sorry to be a little bitch about it, but I need to let all that shit out every now and then. Thanks for reading, if you did. If you need to vent, I will read what you have to say.
I get what you’re saying. There’s an important aspect to understand and remember. Our country has been through many turbulent times. The difference is now it’s all in your face. Social media and the internet allows us to be inundated with way too much information! Things have actually been worse. Imagine if the internet and social media existed in the 60’s. You had the Vietnam War, the assassination of JFK, RFK, MLK, and the Cuban missile crisis. People lived in fear and they were only getting pieces of information! It’s good that we have this place to feel solace. It’s okay to not watch the news, it’s okay to stay off the internet and social media. I’ve been contractor for google for almost a decade and I have to make myself step away. I can’t think about it too much or I get so upset. It can seem like the world is falling to pieces. But it’s not. This is a special time. There is an awakening happening. There will always be turmoil, but this is part of life. Take care of yourself. Listen to music, read books, and look to the little things in life to bring you joy. I don’t have a single friend that I can spout my thoughts off too. Instead I find creative ways to drop red pills to the unsuspecting. Remember that the US government has always been corrupt. There has always been propaganda pushed on the American people. Donald Trump has opened Pandora’s box. I’m hoping after his second term, he starts his own media company. We owe him a lot. Be grateful for this opportunity we have right now to see some truth. We have been living in the darkness of lies for too long. Corruption will always be with us, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a happy life. One of my favorites quotes from Patricia Cornwall book is ‘there is no cure for human nature.” I often remind myself of that. Stay strong and know you are not alone!
You're right. Social media is an amplifier for all things terrible. I wish it didn't exist. Take me back to the time of MSN messenger, and leave me there!
The way things are going, I don’t think it will last in the same capacity it is now. Sometimes, simple is better!!