A strange thing happens when you start seeking even if you feel like a fraud. Sooner or later it all starts to make sense. Go to church. You might be surprised the love, warmth and feeling of belonging you get right away. Real people who love Christ embrace others and help them move past their pain and suffering. And if you crack open the Bible and sincerely ask God to help you understand what you're reading and provide answers to your questions, He will.

He's real, and He absolutely does (see through your shit, as you said). You're already on the train; you exist. It's as easy as, "Hey. Are you even real? Prove it." Nothing fraudulent about that