The brilliant and brave radical left wants to defund the police. I've been compelled by this stupendous idea to reduce funding to the executive branch's preeminent enforcement arm, because I too welcome massive increased crime and chaos in my community.

But I really think more can be done. We should also defund the fire departments.

After all, firefighters are mostly white males, which clearly demonstrates the systemic racism and sexism inherent in their ecosystem. Their lack of inclusivity is a direct threat to our most vulnerable communities and rejects the dignity of minority combustibles everywhere.

Firefighters also use excessive force every time they respond to a nonviolent fire incident, where they then break glass, destroy property, waste water, and generally neglect the vibrant culture of artistic arson expression.

These anti-fire fascists must be stopped. Defund fire departments now. Grass roots solutions can easily replace the need for these extinguishing oppressors. Community based fire arbitrators can provide mediation for underserved flammable units in a humane fashion that preserves their dignity, without allowing unchecked colonialism to rear its ugly head.

Our very future depends on this happening now. Do your part to end the inhumane practice of fighting fires. Our collective lives depend on it.