I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
Coming here is good.
It's a hard thing. You guys went overseas to fight, but the real fight was and is here. Almost everything in the news, entertainment industry, education, and corporate life is propaganda, and it warps everyone's perception. It's DESIGNED to depress you, and make you feel hopeless. And it's effective, as you are experiencing.
But it's not real. Remember that: it isn't real. The effects are, and we have to acknowledge that, but we also have an obligation to fight it.
You're a man of your word, and you took an oath to defend the Constitution. We're all going to have to step up to that, and we need you with us. Look around and get with some people who help you recharge because all of us are in for a fight.
Lastly, the older I get the more I just try to do the best I can today and let God handle the rest. He's way better at it than I am anyway :)
I think you really understand what I'm suffering from.
I'm immune to the programming for some reason. I am skeptic. I see everyone just following....... and I question. I need facts.
I can't just let god handle it anymore. I realized that when my video games started getting fucked years ago. My gaming buddies are infested.
I shared a post to my facebook, before my last account was banned, and it at Q in it. That resulted in the last friend I had fucking going nuts on me. It wasn't anything really "Q", it was just a shared post from twitter from a Q account. It's everywhere. Everyone is fucked.
Those of us not lucky enough to knock up a chick and lock her down for marriage, we're fucked and alone.
Never alone. It just feels that way.
I guarantee you there are men and women within 10 miles of where you are right now feeling exactly the same way. I felt it when I was on facebook, and watching my comments get banned on every platform, and even seeing the crap the local paper was putting in the editorial section.
I'm not your CO, or even a real friend, but my suggestion to you is set yourself a goal to go find some of those people. They need your help as much as you need theirs.
It's so hard to find the people.
My skydiving hobby helps, it's full of old school vets and support the blue types but it's just a small part
Guy I knew asked me to join the Knights of Columbus; that has been pretty great. The easiest way is to join a group that meets at least once a week, or several groups that meet less frequently. If you go to three or four meetings and don't click with anyone then try different groups. A little persistence here and you'll be on your way.
I just downloaded the Trump App from notices on this site. Looks like maybe they will have some local opportunities. I'm also going to send this thread link to the mods to see if they can support some kind of local threads. It really isn't just you; many of us struggle to find like-minded people because everyone is so scared they'll be harassed. But we're out there!
I don't usually share this level of personal shit on here, but I think it might help you. I was never in the military, but I did witness two of my friends murdered when I was a teenager. I wasted a lot of years on rage, drugs, revenge fantasies, finding people that "deserved it" and beating the living shit out of them. Im also pretty immune to the programming. I met a retired secret service agent in the late nineties that got drunk and told me some serious shit about the clintons killing Vince foster. He claimed to have been there. Anyway I want you to know that I probably don't understand exactly what you are going through, but our experiences are close enough that I can have true compassion for where you are at. The turning point for me was the day that I realised that my responsibilities come from God. What I mean is that God only requires me to be responsible for that which he has placed me in charge of. Focus on making the world a better place within the reach of your arm. The best way to honor your friends is to find somebody that needs a friend and be that friend. Also I found it helpful to get out of the city. You don't have to quit your job, or move to the dark side of the moon, just get out among the trees a little bit. Start a garden and eat from it. Get yourself financially secure and be a part of your community. I swear to God the type of woman you want will show up out of the blue once you do that. Also, if possible get a dog. Being a caretaker is good for a man's soul. Save my username man. I'm on here every couple hours. Holler at me if you ever need to talk.
This is some world class advice full of wisdom right here. I think we can all take something from this post and from this Side'o Beef Curtains!
Thanks Pede and keep fighting the good and righteous fight.
I'm honestly one of the lucky blessed few who came out the other side. There is joy at the end of the tunnel brothers. Just trust in God to get you there, and be a good caretaker of what he blesses you with.
I'm not religious and can't do the faith thing, it just doesn't work with my brain.... However, I've been seriously considering going to a church for the community.
I moved from my family and friend for a better life, a life at all, but the distance from my family has made it harder... and having the world be stupid has made it nearly impossible to make new friends if you don't buy into the "outrage of the week"
It's honestly to the point where I'm afraid I'm gonna lose control and just punch someone for being stupid. After 12 years of watching the cycle and trying to point it out, I see little option outside of beating the stupid out of someone.
Maybe I should join an MMA gym.
I hope you can give the Bible a read, if nothing else. Don't worry too much about the faith just yet. Just read it and see if you can agree with the wisdom it contains. If you find you can, then pray for God to kindle His fire in your heart.
I was adamantly atheist until my husband prayed over me a month or so after we got married. Scales almost literally fell off my eyes and heart, instantly. It was such a crazy feeling. Tbh we don't go to church, we read the Bible and try to be good people, I talk to people about it here and there, and it is enough.
I'll let you in on a little secret.... you can have deep faith in God and not have faith in "human religion" or dogma. The Bible contains all the knowledge you need to know. If you do end up going to a church, don't let them interpret it for you. Let your questioning nature work for you, in this case as well ;)
Btw, thank you for your service, and also your strength. I lost a brother to suicide, and I had to make a similar promise to myself, that I wouldn't put my father through that pain again. At times it was all I had, so I know part of what you feel. But hang in there, and get out and meet as many like-minded people as you can. It can get better, and it does. God bless and protect you, friend.
I'm not religious and can't do the faith thing, it just doesn't work with my brain.... However, I've been seriously considering going to a church for the community.
I moved from my family and friend for a better life, a life at all, but the distance from my family has made it harder... and having the world be stupid has made it nearly impossible to make new friends if you don't buy into the "outrage of the week"
It's honestly to the point where I'm afraid I'm gonna lose control and just punch someone for being stupid. After 12 years of watching the cycle and trying to point it out, I see little option outside of beating the stupid out of someone.
Maybe I should join an MMA gym.
I can assure you, I will NOT KILL MYSELF (or others)
The issue is that I'm aware enough of this and seem to be too articulate with my therapist for them to believe I'm suffering like I do.
Pm me brother, I got out in 92 and over 10 years became the last member of my squad left had my last brother call me as he ended his life as he didn’t want to be alone but knew I couldn’t get to him. It took 5 years to get disability 10 years later an dr casually asked if I knew I was diagnosed with ptsd, combative aggressive disorder and night terrors found during a sleep study. By 6 Drs you will feel lonely but you are not we are here more than you know. This place helps my sanity and sometimes I reach out over nothing more than a comment and end up in a private conversation. You will find a home here you will find friends here and people here will help you find the help you need.