I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
I have an appointment with my script writing doctor. There is a long paper trail of me hating most of the meds because they don't make things better.
I don't want to be drugged, however I recognize it can be necessary.
There is a lengthy paper trail showing how the meds don't help me.
It all seems to be a balancing act and it always ends up balancing in a way that leaves me miserable.
I swear, if the civilian world wasn't full of such shit people with such shit standards it would all be different.
Did you know that manufacturers hold their employees to lesser standards than the unfortunate folks, and addicts, that cook your food when you go out are held to?
Meds help around 1/3 of people, do nothing for 1/3, and make 1/3 worse. It's not your imagination. It depends on how your brain metabolizes the meds. There's a specific test that determines that. It should be done before the meds are prescribed, but it rarely is. I need to find that test info again. Let me know if you want it.
I'm not a veteran but I've been dealing with chronic and recurring ptsd since I was a kid. I understand the struggle searching for what will help with these issues. I understand only sticking around because you've given yourself no other option. It will get better.
Can you spend more time with your skydiving buds?
There's a cbd company run by a vet with a passion for helping people meds aren't working for. Easy Day Hemp.
Too bad you can't meet with local pedes.
I was in the 1/3 worse initially.
Before my discharge, I was put on SSRIs.
I was sitting at home watching TV and my heart rate started increasing. After it hit 180 I drove to Tripler hospital. I was put on EKG and had a nurse with crash cart and got a bunch of shots of attivan in my ass.
My psych? He told me "That happens sometimes, let's try something else"
I definitely get a benefit from CBD but THC is in the equation too, it changes over time what I need... when I can control it I have minimal issues. If I can do my own cocktail, I can generally manage the symptoms without issue. I just don't want to get my medicinal card because I can't have weapons if I do.
I'm actually in a position to possibly be with the skydiving folks full time within a year or so. I'm striving for that. The only thing that makes me feel like I'm alive anymore is skydiving. Everything else.... it's like I'm being drugged by the doc's.... nothing. everything is nothing.