I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
I'm not but I "pray" to my lost friends all the time.
I understand how prayer can help. I wish I could have faith, but I'm pretty autistic. Facts and proof drive me.
I'm grateful I'm still alive, but it's getting to where I question my promise to live for my brothers. I'm not going to kill myself, I won't go down without a fight... but it feels like I"m the only one awake and fighting.
read my edit to my first comment
also, I would demand proof from above. It worked for me. I demanded proof of the existence of God and I was shown proof. i must sound crazy, but i couldn't begin to explain the "reasonable" answer for what I have witnessed.
If anything, chanting words aloud that are positive/grateful has an impact on your brain. This is known to science. I think the more bizarre claim would be that the space/energy outside of yourself reacts to those words as well.
Anyways, just give it a try, i dare you. Demand proof and expect to be shown proof. Thats the secret. You have to expect the proof to be shown.
Be well man
Facts and proof. Roger that. It is there. You are not alone. Keep it together as we will need real men for the fight ahead.
As to finding a mate, I get it completely. She is out there. God answered my prayer for mine.
Pray for your eyes to be opened and read or listen to Romans in The Bible. I will be praying for you, brother, Pederrr. You are NOT alone and there are freaking legions of NPC out their flapping their gums - but you are not alone!
I'm looking and my neighbor actually brought up the "fall of cabal"
Which is pretty awesome, considering she's about my age and she's a pharmacist.
I'm just not in the right mindset to be my best to someone else right now. I cant ask someone to bear my burden if I can't carry my own.
They're there. They're just few and far between... and at 34... those left single are single mothers who are progressive.
A helpmate is there to share your burdens - as you share hers. Dont wait until you're "fixed" - cause we are all broken. However, I get not being ready for a committed relationship. You are the expert there. Just know a good woman doesn't need perfection. She just needs a man to lead and to cherish her.
Faith isn’t something you just have. You have to pursue it. Sounds weird, but pursue it, and you’ll find it. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. I’ve had PTSD and anxiety (from different reasons), and I overcame it with prayer, deep breathing, and keeping very busy.