I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
Meds help around 1/3 of people, do nothing for 1/3, and make 1/3 worse. It's not your imagination. It depends on how your brain metabolizes the meds. There's a specific test that determines that. It should be done before the meds are prescribed, but it rarely is. I need to find that test info again. Let me know if you want it.
I'm not a veteran but I've been dealing with chronic and recurring ptsd since I was a kid. I understand the struggle searching for what will help with these issues. I understand only sticking around because you've given yourself no other option. It will get better.
Can you spend more time with your skydiving buds?
There's a cbd company run by a vet with a passion for helping people meds aren't working for. Easy Day Hemp.
Too bad you can't meet with local pedes.
I was in the 1/3 worse initially.
Before my discharge, I was put on SSRIs.
I was sitting at home watching TV and my heart rate started increasing. After it hit 180 I drove to Tripler hospital. I was put on EKG and had a nurse with crash cart and got a bunch of shots of attivan in my ass.
My psych? He told me "That happens sometimes, let's try something else"
I definitely get a benefit from CBD but THC is in the equation too, it changes over time what I need... when I can control it I have minimal issues. If I can do my own cocktail, I can generally manage the symptoms without issue. I just don't want to get my medicinal card because I can't have weapons if I do.
I'm actually in a position to possibly be with the skydiving folks full time within a year or so. I'm striving for that. The only thing that makes me feel like I'm alive anymore is skydiving. Everything else.... it's like I'm being drugged by the doc's.... nothing. everything is nothing.
Wow that sounds like a great plan for you. I hope you can keep it in your sights every day. You know there is a way to make your life better. You have that power, to set that path for yourself. You may not feel like praying, but I (and other pedes) will pray for you.
I found where I read the info about the brain chemistry test. Nutrient Power: Heal Your Biochemistry and Heal Your Brain by William Walsh PhD
Edit: Have you heard of EMDR therapy? It is so much more effective than talking therapy, there is no comparison. You can spend years talking and not see the results you can feel in 3 sessions of emdr.
I started waking up in 2010.
By 2013 I was alone, I was working on my plan.
Thanks to Trump and manufacturer confidence in him, I was able to get out of poverty.
I was a nuclear engineer 2002 to 2008. I was a fucking cook and retail manager until 2013. Now, I'm working with top of the line technology and am in high demand. I've turned down 2 jobs from Tesla and other great companies.
I KNOW I CAN MAKE MY PLAN HAPPEN. But is my plan even worth it if the whole world is going to shit?
Yes, it's worth it. Because you are going to live through it no matter what and you have to make it as good as you can. You have to concentrate on what you can reach out and touch. Your home, your work, the people you speak with. Not only the people who matter to you, but the strangers you come into contact with. You have to remember that the small things count. The smallest things. Keeping your dog happy. Eye contact with someone who is having a shittier day than you. Being able to breathe outside. Every damn day you drop pebbles into the pond and you never can know what the ripples will mean to someone else. And someday they'll touch the woman who's been looking for you, just as you've been looking for her.
The good guys are going to win. We cannot be defeated.
I know you aren't religious, but millions of us have put on the full armor of God, and we won't let you or our country down. You served, now we serve. Have faith Pede, the sun will come out again.