I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
I'm not religious and can't do the faith thing, it just doesn't work with my brain.... However, I've been seriously considering going to a church for the community.
I moved from my family and friend for a better life, a life at all, but the distance from my family has made it harder... and having the world be stupid has made it nearly impossible to make new friends if you don't buy into the "outrage of the week"
It's honestly to the point where I'm afraid I'm gonna lose control and just punch someone for being stupid. After 12 years of watching the cycle and trying to point it out, I see little option outside of beating the stupid out of someone.
Maybe I should join an MMA gym.