I got out of the Navy in 2008.
I started dealing with my friends killing themselves off before I got my honorable.
I had more than enough after I was discharged.
After losing friends while active, and after they got out to suicide I swore I would keep living to honor them and live the lives they couldn't.
It is getting more difficult everyday. I'm feeling PHYSICAL PAIN from the fact that I can see data and patterns while the entire world is just giving into feelings and forgetting what happened 5 minutes ago.
I'm in the works of getting my VA disability increased because of this and extra therapy sessions, but all I get is platitudes and "just go along with it, you need your job" kind of shit.
I am SOOOOOOOO fed up with it. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING FED UP WITH IT.
If I were not a man of my word, I would not be here right now. I am a man of my word and I will be here until the bitter end.
although our situations are vastly different, i have experienced many of the same feelings you have. depression, anxiety, loneliness, confusion, hopelessness, fear, suicidal thoughts, you name it. it's the dark night of our souls, my brother. the question is how do we power through it?
i am not a soldier but the dark nights of my soul has always been a feeling of not ever truly fitting in within this existence. i'm not talking some new agey bullshit, star child shit either. because all that's BUNK. i'm talking about fighting that URGE within me to return 'home.' because i know this place is not.
i took meds when i was younger (didn't work), saw therapists (didn't work). the only home i have found is that of working on my soul. my spirituality, my faith. the world we live is designed to keep us down. it's DESIGNED that way purposefully. it is a SOUL crushing, materialistic world.. as i can see you've already noticed, just by the fact that you witness (as many of us have) how everyone just forgets what happened five minutes ago.
unfortunately i cannot tell you nor give you at ezpz method because we are all souls going about our own paths. what if, however, i was to tell you that every single person on this planet made a conscious CHOICE to incarnate here? what if i put it into perspective that this life/planet/existence is nothing but one big SCHOOL? what if we are meant to experience this because we CHOSE it before we were even born? probably think i'm a fucking crazy idiot, right? but what if.. what if it was the case?
i'd be honored if you have read this far so i will throw this out there as well. at the end of the day all it boils down to is our thoughts. we are incredible creatures with the power to shape our reality.
let's break it down. before making any choice, having any experience, witnessing any reality, a thought must first be formed. put it this way. our THOUGHTS lead to our CHOICE. our choices lead to our EXPERIENCES. our experiences then shape our REALITY. think for a moment now brother.
okay, now ponder this. what if we take all those negative thoughts formed through depression, anxiety, FEAR, loneliness, blah blah blah and turn them around? what if we can begin to DEPROGRAM our thought patterns into ones that make us start feeling WHOLE again, rather than a fractured individual? think about it.
how do you do this though? wish i had an answer bro but i don't because we are all on different paths. despite this fact that, we must all begin the WORK on ourselves, we must shift our focus onto the 'little things in life...' afterall, isn't that what it is all about? personally, a couple of my little things are cooking/grilling and hand rolling my own smokes, practicing proper breathing techniques (think brice lee!), and driving. some garden, hike, exercise, whatever.. it doesn't matter. what matters is how it makes YOU feel and i HIGHLY suggest doing all these things with the tv off, phone off, and any other NOISE because i know we can both agree the world is already full of that shit already. although, feel free to put on your favorite music! just turn off the fucking NEWS!
i could keep going but i'm a few drinks deep and don't want to ramble too much. i do wish you the best brother and if you have any questions, do not hesitate to message me. i am an open book. just remember, it takes WORK to overcome but being a soldier, i know you know how to overcome. afterall, you would not have made it this far in your life if you didn't. we are all here for a reason my brother and the fact is, if we are still here, it is meant to be and we still have plenty of work ahead of us. sometimes you have to take a moment for yourself, sit back, and just watch this crazy fucking show unfold. we are in for VERY interesting times and i have a feeling you're here to watch them unfold as well.
anyways, much love and respect brother. goodnight.
I am so with you on this.
When I was in the Navy, I was told by my Psych that the point of the meds is to made therapy successful... but therapy is just talking.
It all could work, but there is no accountability. And I think if there was any accountability in the civilian world I wouldn't be posting such things because I could manage myself if I didn't have to deal with the absolute absurdity of how low the standards are across the board.
i know bud, i know. the truth is.. the fact you even reached out here is therapy in and of itself! in fact, i bet you feel way more comfortable here amongst family than some cookie cutter psych office. no doubt about it.
unfortunately, i do agree about accountability but let's be honest. if the world is designed to be so fucking lame, can we really think the regular sheeps will be able to be accountable for themselves? they don't know shit about themselves so they continue a cycle of victimhood. they care more for creating false identities, care more for material possessions, care more about social media, care more about everything but themselves! the programming is ALREADY complete for them so to waste any more of OUR energy on them is only furthering their cause!
it's the result of the way that those in power have designed this world to be! and many have fallen hook, line, and sinker brother. unfortunate but true. the fact you are even aware of this is proof you have the power on a soul level to SMASH through the PROGRAMMING hammered into ALL of us our WHOLE lives. you've begun your deprogramming, it's just a matter of focusing and grounding yourself bud.
be proud you will not allow your FREE WILL to be infringed upon because the NPC's have already given up theirs. stay true blue brother. at the end of the day, no matter whether it is the outcome we wanted, all will work out and we are all going to be where we need to be. you, me, fellow patriots, and even the loser NPC fucks. never forget and never surrender that sweet, sweet free will.
I actually feel a lot better thanks to the comments and private messages I've received. Yours included.
It's like the KGB defector said, it'll take at least 1 generation to unfuck it. So.... let's start unfucking it?
Ignorance is bliss.... But the pain of reality is the power.
i'm with you brother. big daddy trump is helping our generation to do it too.
i'll take it a step further and tell you KNOWLEDGE PROTECTS, IGNORANCE KILLS.
always strive to grow, always strive to gain more knowledge. through knowledge we are protected and through knowledge we can weed out the DISINFORMATION. the sheep love ignorance and that's why they have fallen for the liberal programming and we haven't!
i'm glad you're feeling a bit better through all of our cohesive efforts. stay true blue and much love brother.